When Do I Need Help?

Today I made an interesting observation to a colleague.  I commented that when I had gone from being an associate professor to a full professor, I had felt that I actually needed more mentoring as a full professor.  When I was an associate professor the goal was clear--get the publications I need (and do whatever it takes) to be full.  Once I became full, the next step was not as clear.

In a similar vein, in my position now, the first six months were characterized by just getting information.  Learning.  Accepting.  Understanding.  Taking things in.  As I move forward my goals are much less clear.  Now that I have settled in and put out the first few fires, what do I want to do strategically.  What is the path I want to set?  What really matters?

Those questions are much harder to answer.  It is ironic that sometimes (to quote just the title of a book that was recommended to me by my leadership coach) what got you here won't get you there.  In other words, I need to find new skills and come up with new decision making processes to get to the next level.  (Perhaps a bit like Candy Crush?)

And there comes a point where others will be useful sounding boards, but I will really not have a coach or mentor.  I will simply have people around me who join with me in trying to achieve and who care about my success.  Some will just be sounding boards.  Some will be colleagues with whom I collaborate.  

We will see where this all goes. 

A Question from My Eight Year Old

My eight year old asked me a question this evening that really reflects how my home life has evolved in my six months on this new job.  Time was, seven months ago, when I was "just" a faculty member that most days I would wrap up between 5 and 5:30, be home my 6, have dinner on the table by 6:30, participate in getting my youngest ready for bed, and then have a bit of time with him--only to do dishes and more work afterwards.  And for the most part my "work work" at home came either very late at night or very early in the morning.  When my youngest was younger, he would tolerate my working (particularly on email) while talking with him or doing something else with him.  I didn't have to give him 100% of my attention.

In the time that I have held my new job (since April 1), I have worked later many days, but when I work later I tend to be "done" when I get home.  I do some work in the evening.  I do some in the early morning (particularly now that my youngest doesn't tend to get up quite as early as he used to).  The key has been that I have not had to make a choice between work and him while at home much in the past six months.  While being at work longer is disruptive, the pattern of not then making the choice of what to do at home clear to him has really taken hold.

So, this evening, I happened to be home early.  I had a meeting away from the Business School in the middle of the afternoon and decided to go home next.  That allowed me to have dinner on the table so we did not need to spend money on an unnecessary meal out before my wife and middle son went for his first livestock lesson as part of a 4H activity.  I told my youngest that after I ran to the grocery story, I could read extra to him.  We are reading a book that flows nicely and reads easily about a middle school kid playing football.  And this is a chapter book that is really holding my son's attention.

When I got back from the grocery story he was sorting rubber bands for his loom.  He really enjoys that activity and thought we could wait to read until he was done.  Not a bad idea.  However, when he was ready, he expected me to be ready.  I was working on an email or two and he asked me, "Who are you emailing who is more important than me?"  I was surprised to hear that but it did make me realize how different our rhythm of life has become over the past six months.  And while I may have fewer hours at home (particularly in a week like this one with two dinners and an evening class to teach) the expectation is that when I am home I am home.

Interestingly enough, my son's attitude actually matches my boss's attitude in two ways.  First, my boss claims that he doesn't carry much to and from work because he likes to separate the two.  I believe him for the most part.  And second he likes to always remind us, "More, Better, Faster".  My sons is super competitive and focuses on all three of those all the time.

So, maybe with my son and my boss sending the same signal, the key will be to continue to work on the question of how to get work done at work and have home time at home more of a reality while trying to balance things in my life.  Not simple.  But a good aspirtion.  

The World is Run by Unbalanced People

Tonight, I served as the senior faculty member at a dinner attended by multiple junior faculty and the person who is serving as an executive in residence at the Carey Business School.  The person made an interesting comment that I really have to think about.  The comment was made in reaction to a question from a faculty member about career advice that our graduate students were seeking. The executive in residence said something to the effect of the notion that you have to be willing to lead an unbalanced life because the world is run by unbalanced people.  To be the best at something you have to be willing to work harder and sacrifice more and want it more than everyone else.

With that in mind, I face a challenge.  I just finished thinking for forty days about the combination of faith, fitness, and function supporting family.  I want to excel in them all.  I think that the person who was speaking tonight would tell me that I am crazy and that I can't have it all.  I guess the key question is when I will find myself put to the test.  Or perhaps I have already.

I am trying to figure out how to remain disciplined with my running.  It is getting harder and harder.  And there is a distinct difference between the running or physical activity I need just to stay in shape and the training I need to do to race safely and race hard.

I have already given up on my music for the time being.  I'm okay with that.  It is not the first time in my life that my music lost the battle to my running, my academic pursuits, and my future.  (I gave up on piano lessons in my senior year in high school for essentially the same reason--running and all.)

I may have to give up on other activities.

I may need to prove just how much I want to succeed in my career to make it work.

I am not sure about the cost of doing that.

At some point, I may have to do some soul searching to determine just how much it is worth.  I'm not sure I'm ready to grapple with that.

I hope it doesn't come soon.

But, I have to remind myself, that ultimately family has to win.  The key is how to support what my family wants and needs.

There are no simple answers.

But it remains my focus.

Where 40 Days of Discernment has Led Me?

Before I comment on the conclusion of forty days of discernment on the road to better, I want to talk about the race today.  I ran a 1:33:20 half marathon.  I can look at this one of two ways.  As a shortcoming, it is 1 minute 38 second off my main goal (his 7:00 per mile average) or 3:20 off my other goal (run a 1:30).  In a more positive light, it is the fastest I have run a half marathon distance anywhere other than on the NCR trail, and it was on a course that was challenging.  Either way, I was happy with the experience.  A main observation is that I ran the first 5.7 miles (according to the official time) at a 6:47 pace and then slowed down.  I clearly lost some speed on the uphills to get to Lake Montebello and then never recovered and ran the negative splits I hoped for.

I have a second story about the race situation that I think is worth telling.  People who are not runners wonder about the fellowship among runners.  I saw an incredible example of that fellowship today.  There were two gentlemen I kept playing leapfrog with throughout the race.  The one guy first encouraged me as I passed by him working it up the hill running along Linwood.  Later when he had a chance to pass me, I encouraged him back.  Then, we traded encouragement back and forth throughout the rest of the race.  I couldn't estimate the guys age but he was wearing a sweatshirt, which I could not imagine wearing.  The other guy was a ginger-haired kid who looked about half my age.  I didn't say anything to him until I came up on him for what must have been the third or fourth lead change on Howard Street.  At that point, I said to him, "Hey, we've been playing leapfrog the whole race.  What do you have left?"  He eventually passed me again, and I tried to keep him in my sights the rest of the way.  But he did beat me (as did the other guy I mentioned).  What was cool was what happened after the race.  The first guy I described, I was close enough to at the end that we just gave each other a fist punch with a congratulations.  The second guy was a different story.  When the race is done, the runners walk a distance between barricades, then turn a corner, get a heat blanket, get a water, and get the medal.  I forget where in the process, I met the younger guy, but he actually turned around to look for me and went out of his way to congratulate me (and I returned the favor of course).  Maybe he would have done just as well if I had not challenged him to see what he had left.  But I would like to think that challenging him made a difference.  The fact that he made a point to come back speaks to the fellowship among runners.

So, how does this flow into my end of forty days discernment?  The themes I had through my forty days focused on running, work, religion, and family.  If I aim for a little alliteration, we could say "Fitness, Faith, Function, and Family".  

What I would say is that I have to make sure I keep up my fitness, faith, and function and that keeping all three of these working well would help me support my efforts to have the best family life I can.  If I had a really cool graphic design, I would have a four pointed pyramid (like an old four-sided die from Dungeons & Dragons) with fitness, faith, and function as the corners on the bottom supporting family at the top--because family comes above all else.

To do this all well, I need to make sure that I focus on what matters via Peter Block's logic (and only on what matters--so this may mean doing fewer things), give it my all and accept no less or feeling like I am wasting the Gift via Steve Prefontaine's words, and realizing that I have most of what I need in me already if I just try to find it via the Gospel reading last week.

So, a new focus on finding what I need in me and focusing and giving it my all, will be what I hold moving forward.  

And, I will think about how far I have already come.  The last time I ran the Baltimore Half Marathon (2009 to be exact when I ran a 1:46:05) I could not have imagined saying anything to the two guys I spoke to during the run today.  Thinking about other runners.  Thinking about how they help me and how I can help them.  And thinking about the importance of the connection at the end of the race.  I can take this to the office--thinking about professional development and what members of my team can do for me as well as get from me.  I can take this to other running situations.  I can take this to my Sunday school teaching as I think about each child's needs and what I can learn from each child.  And, of course, I can take this to my family-thinking about what each member needs from me and I from them.  All in the context of doing what matters and doing it well. 

40 Days to Better: Day 40

Today is the last of the days before the half marathon.  Tomorrow--whatever the temperature and whatever is going on with precipitation or not, I will run.  I am better.  I am ready.  I will run.  I will wear my watch but try to minimize the number of times I look at it.  I will take water while I run but mostly poor it over my head.  I expect not to take food while I run--I will eat early in the morning when I awaken.  I will just run.  And I will breath.  And I will enjoy it.

My bib number (see the picture to the right) is 10470.  I have not done a blog entry about a bib number in a long time.  In part, that is because I have not raced in a long time.  However, I figured that with the opportunity to have this as a moment of reflection on the last of the 40 days on the road to better, it might be a good thing to do.  Then, on race day, I can write about where my discernment has led me and draw this to a conclusion.

So, what verse did I come up with?  I had to stretch my imagination to find something that I liked in this case.  I came up with searching for a book in which verses 10 and 11 (4+7) from the beginning (0), so 1:10-11, would mean something to me.  I found Mark 1:10-11

On coming up out of the water he saw the heavens being torn open and the Spirit, like a dove, descending upon him. 

And a voice came from the heavens, “You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.”

So, why is this relevant to me.  Jesus had just been baptized.   God was pleased with his obedience.  It is a sign that obedience is well rewarded.

I do not claim to have been obedient to everything in the church.  Nor do I claim to think that I am necessarily going to be well rewarded by God.  But I do believe in following instructions when it comes to training.  I do believe in doing things right when it comes to being ready to run.  And I do believe that if I do what I plan and I follow instructions, good things will come.

This carries over to other parts of life.  Following directions is generally a good thing.  I don't expect the voice of God to ever greet me when I follow directions.  I don't expect a gold star every time I follow directions.  Following directions should just be second nature.  A part of life. An expected thing to do.  But sometimes I need reminding.  And finding this set of two verses on the day before a race is a good thing to remind me of the importance of following a plan during the race and following a plan in life to maximize the probability of a successful outcome.  

40 Days to Better: Day 39

This morning's run was supposed to be an easy 4 mile run just to get the legs to be loose.  Nothing major, now it is a matter of waiting, although I will sneak in a run on the day before the race.  And sometimes, to quote the song (for the second straight day I am quoting a song) from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, "Waiting is the hardest part."  Waiting the last few days before a big race is almost always like this.  Although this taper is not the same as any other taper I have ever done.  Waiting is still hard.

What I actually ran this morning was--nothing. I don't think that running with a resting body temperature over 100 is a good idea.  So, that makes this taper even more unusual than any other. 

That is an important lesson to teach my kids.  Waiting is important.  Patience is important.  Some things can take a while to become a reality.

One thing I had to wait for recently was to see what type of story was written about my combined Boston/Baltimore experience.  In the end, the part of the story that got the most attention was about my thinking about the eight year old who died.  Apparently that is an attention getter as this is the second time that something like this has gotten someone's attention for a story.  Even six months later.  I like the fact that my shoes got a mention.  But I had to wait more than a week to find out how a 30 minute conversation turned into an interesting story in the Sun.

This is also an important lesson to teach students and others I mentor or lead professionally.  Waiting.  Patience.  Making sure that everything is in place.  Then making a decision and taking an action.

Leadership is something that I have thought a lot about since I changed jobs and a lot since I have started the forty days to better.

I have looked at some changes in my leadership in the past six months.  I have talked to the people on my organizational chart a lot more.  (I was supposed to yesterday afternoon but instead went home to sleep.  My voice would not have been in good shape by the end of an afternoon of talking constantly.)  When I run meetings, I don't always sit at the head of the table any more.  I try to be part of the group, even if I am nominally the head of the group.  I also have made it a point to make sure that everyone gets a chance to express an opinion.  I have made it a point to follow up more quickly on things.  So many changes.

The book, The Answer to How is Yes, pointed out a term called social architecture.  It talked about things like choosing where to sit.  Choosing how to position the table.  Choosing how to show priority or equality.

I know I still have a lot to learn.  A lot to learn about leading.  A lot to learn about mentoring.  A lot to learn about helping others to achieve all they have the potential to achieve.

And the learning will probably continue for as long as I am in leadership positions.  This is not a once and done type of thing.  This is part of me for the long haul.  

40 Days to Better: Day 38

Today I had a choice.  I woke up early enough to make the choice between going back to sleep to get some more rest or getting up to do a combination of running, work. perhaps baking.  In the end, I decided to take the day off from running.  My body is suffering from the sore throat and congestion I mentioned yesterday, and I need to give it every chance to heal itself to the highest degree possible before Saturday morning.  Yes, I will have to run the remaining two mornings this week.  But I plan to do no more than 4 miles on each of the two remaining days.  Just to loosen my legs up a little.  Just to make sure I am still getting into the running.  I won't improve my speed or cardio at this point.  And I could lose a lot if I were to fall and hurt myself or strain a muscle.  I just have to remember what the past 40 days and, in fact, all my training since Boston have been about--running the best half marathon possible three days from now.

The sleep also makes it more likely that I will make it through the day at work today without losing concentration.  It makes it more likely I won't feel the need to doze.  But I do always have the option of calling it a day early if I am really not feeling well.  

Life lesson?  I have to focus on making sure that I do what is smart.  That I improve.  That I take responsibility for me.  I don't often think of Michael Jackson songs, but this is a case where the song Man in the Mirror comes to mind.  Look at myself and make a change.

I can't change anyone else.  I can only change myself.

And if I change myself for the better, I hope and pray that will be better for those around me.  I hope and pray that will facilitate change that those around me need to make (if they need to make any).  I hope and pray that working together, each person being responsible for himself or herself, can work together for a better whole.  Making the world a better place for all.

But all I can do is improve myself.  Through 38 of the 40 days on the road to better, I have spent a lot of time thinking, a lot of time pondering, a lot of time reflecting.  I am pretty sure that as I reach the end of forty days of discernment I have a story to tell.  I have an idea of how to change my life.  I have an idea of what to do so that my life is better and those around me have better lives as well.  

And once I get there, all I can do is wait and see what happens.  Day by day.  Week by week.  Month by month.  Are goals met?  Is the change positive?  What can I do more or less of in continuing to build the road to better.