Familiarity, Self-Discovery, and Rising

This morning I ran an easy six miles in 50:18, an 8:23 pace.  Nice loop out York Rd, along Burke, then Towsontown, back up Osler, across Stevenson, down York, and into my neighborhood.  Felt great.  I am up to 1408 miles in my goal of 2000 miles.  I am still on US 54 in Kansas in my virtual pilgrimage.  And I move forward.

Today, I ran over the spot where I tripped last Thursday.  I looked at it as I went by.  There are two sidewalk squares connected by a surface that went up at a relatively steep angle.  But there was not the same type of "jutted up division between squares" that caused my trip back in the spring.  It was just a surface that was at an angle that if I did not raise my feet enough when running, I could have caught a foot on.

That spot was raised and not familiar to me before I tripped.  
But now, I am becoming quite familiar with the spot.  

Yesterday, I commented that the best way to get to know someone or something is to spend time with that person or thing.  I don't want to get to know the spot where I tripped any better, but this will be helpful for me.

I also commented yesterday that knowing something or someone else helps me to know myself better.  Seeing what I tripped over, I thought about how silly it was to catch my foot on something that was not particularly dangerous.  I know myself better because I am willing to come back to where something bad happened and face it again.  I know myself better because I have overcome and I have moved on.  And there will be plenty of times in running when I need to move on and leave things behind.

And as in running, so in life.

So, while the fall and the aftermath have been sobering, the new knowledge and self-discovery are enlightening.  

And the discussion of a rise in the sidewalk does tie in with one other theme today.  As the first day in my middle son's high school experience and the move in day for my oldest son at college, there was a lot of celebration of rising--rather than being tripped up by rising.  And in the spirit of things that are rising, I made a loaf of semolina bread this morning that was the best loaf of semolina bread I've ever made.  That was a wonderful celebration of yeast rising.

So, familiarity, self-discovery, and rising come together in my crazy life. 

Thanks--30 Days in 1

Many of my friends have been participating in 30 Days of Gratitude in the month in which the United States celebrates Thanksgiving.  I decided not to at the beginning of the month as I was not sure that I could maintain participation.  However, with a little bit of extra time on this Thanksgiving day, I figured I would put in all 30 days at once.  So that this entry does not go on forever, I will write just a few sentences about each thing I am thankful for.  

1-Sherry...from some "chance" meetings in the dining hall in East Halls when she ate dinner at a crazy early time because she was working some evenings and I ate dinner at a crazy early time because I was just hungry to 21 years, 5 months, and now 8 days of marriage, I have an enormous amount to be thankful for.

2-Chance meetings...chance meetings back in college were not always as random and chance as they may have appeared, but chance meetings in general are fun.  And when they happen with family and good friends, they bring a smile to my face that is worth an enormous amount.

3-Randomness...chance meetings are just one reflection of randomness in life.  Serendipity.  Things happen by chance in a way that turns out to lead to wonderful new opportunities and insights into life.  Sometimes the randomness can be a curse, but more often than not in my life it has been a blessing.

4-Friends...one way to keep a marriage going is to live in a community of good friends who listen, who are willing to be straight with me when things are not going well, who share their burdens with me, who share my goal of a lasting marriage for me, and with whom I can laugh.  Of course, all these things need to go for me and Sherry as well, but having close friends you can turn to for advice is a great way to help to keep things going.

5-Serenity prayer...this is another aspect of keeping a good marriage going.  To realize that there are some things that cannot change.  To truly have the courage to change the things I can.  And to have (and pray to God for) the wisdom to know which is which.

6-My sons...having mentioned my thanks for Sherry and the community of close adult friends, I have to reflect on the fact that Sherry and I have raised three pretty incredible boys.  We'll never know what would have become of the two other pregnancies but the lives we were lucky enough to bring here to live independently on Earth have turned into pretty amazing people.

7-Extended family...this completes the circuit on family.  I have so many incredible people in my family doing interesting things in interesting places, and yet much of the family is still in the same area where I grew up making it relatively easy to get together when we can all find the time.

8-Time...mentioned at the end of #7 and something that is incredibly precious because so many people seem so pressed for it.  I am thankful that I have the time to think about the deeper meaning of things in life (even if Sherry and others sometimes wish I would focus on more basic things.)

9-Long conversations...so many of life's finer points just take time to sort through.  Long conversations with one other person or with a group who can focus and give their full attention to an issue are always gifts.

10-Naps...another thing that time can be used for is naps.  Recuperative.  Regenerative.  Resting.  Just time to let the body heal or catch up.  Naps are a very good thing.

11-Races...one thing that time can be used to measure is performance in races. I love races as they let me measure progress, performance, and my sense of value.  Of course, not all value is in my races.  There is value in my being a good husband, father, friend, family member, coworker, and manager.  And while time is not the only measure or even the most important measure for all the things from which I draw value, it is a sign of trying to measure up in all things in life. 

12-Sports...races are just one of many sports.  Sports are a key activity for one of my sons.  And a second has certainly tried his share.  They are such a nice way to learn so many of life's lessons about striving, focus, and accomplishment.

13-Teamwork...from sports I go to teamwork.  My sons who are either only a little into sports or not at all certainly have their share of teamwork activities (singing in choir and playing in orchestras or other music-based groups).  I have been lucky enough to be a part of many teams, too.

14-Music...I mentioned two sons' interests in music.  The third is interested as well, and it has been something that has brought my immediate family together (and extended family and friends together) in many ways over time.  My own musical ambitions and interests have always been sidetracked as it has never been the most important thing for me, but I do love to listen and play the best I can when I can.

15-Jazz...is a particular type of music that I enjoy listening too in person when played well.  I particularly enjoy one aspect of jazz--improvisation.  So much of life is about making things up as I go along no matter how much I might want to lead a planned life.  Just taking it all in has worked wonders for me.

16-Storytelling...some of this is reading to others, which I have done for all three boys and found it extremely rewarding.  Some of this is why music is so interesting as it can be used to tell a story either with or without lyrics.  And some of this is what makes my work life go--telling stories as illustrative anecdotes or telling stories to sell ideas.  All of it involves sharing ideas

17-Tattoos...to me, these are a form of storytelling.  One that I can work with an artist to express in a picture. And a story so precious to me that I want to take it with me forever.

18-The NCR trail...while I have mentioned running and randomness, this ties together running with good friends and long conversations and just wanting a sense of certainty about something in life rather than randomness.  I have joked with fellow runners that for very long races on the trail the best and worst thing about the trail is that you pretty much always know what is coming.  Very little (but some) slope.  Rather straight.  A place to go when I want to run but not think about running and just lose myself in thought.

19-The Y...while I am not always a fan of the treadmill, to have a place I can go to exercise when the weather is inclement, or a place I can go for non-running exercise, where I can bring the family, and where I feel like the person at the front desk knows me and cares about why I come is a pretty nice thing to have.

20-St. Pius X...I grew up in a parish where my main exposure was going to mass each week and to CCD.  I know my dad participated in the archdiocesan appeal and we had baseball sign-up there.  I didn't feel involved at any deeper level.  For 17+ years now, St. Pius has provided me and Sherry and our sons with a place to become involved in so many interesting ways to meet so many interesting people.

21-Bread...something I love to bake.  Kneading is therapeutic.  Fruit and vegetable breads have a wonderful flavor.  Biscuits are wonderful for working the butter or shortening in. And bread something that I would love to have represented in a second tattoo if I ever get one.

22-Wine...this goes back to family and friends and long conversations and bread.  Good food and good beverages do so much to enrich the ambiance and promote good conversation.

23-Cold...goes back to my running and should be clarified as cold but not too cold.  A moderately cold day with a clear blue sky at sunrise (perhaps over Druid Hill lake) is a great experience for running.  It helps to clear the mind as I don't have to worry about dehydration so much.

24-Teaching...goes along with storytelling.  But teaching has become more than just a career for me.  It has been something that I think about in terms of how to do it well in my leadership position.  It has become something that I focus an incredible amount of my energy on.  It even extends to St. Pius X as I have taught Sunday school for a decade.

25-Internet...it has brought me together with some very interesting people and made it so easy to get answers to questions to satisfy my curiosity that goes along with the storytelling and teaching.

26-Books...I love to read about ideas that people have found a way to string together in an extended format and to really explore ideas.  In addition to long conversations and telling stories of my own it is great to read what other people have thought and the ideas and themes they have explored.

27-Back on My Feet...while there are many aspects of running and I don't get to run with Back on My Feet as often as I would like any more, the number of stories and long conversations that came out of my participation in this organization is amazing.  Both resident and community members alike have amazing stories to tell.  And both symbolize hope.

28-Home...our house is not as big as we'd like.  Our house is not as neat as we'd like.  And our house has more issues than we'd like.  But it is the place we call home.  It is the place we come together to talk, to eat, to cook, to work, and to share.  And it is ours.  And it is home.  For me it is the home I have lived in longer than any other.  The only other place I really thought of as home was where I lived from 5th grade until I graduated from high school.  This home in Baltimore is the only home my boys have ever known.

29-Nature...to be out in it is just amazing.  And for me any question of whether there is a God was answered by seeing some of the sights of natural beauty.  While it is just a matter of faith my mind could not wrap itself around the idea that some of the natural wonders of the world arose completely at random.  Of course, other parts of nature may make me question the judgment of whatever God there may be, but nature is amazing.

30-Silence...this goes along with time, the NCR trail, running, St. Pius X, and many other items on my list.  Sometimes silence is all I need.  Silence to think. Silence to test how comfortable two people or a group are.  Silence just to experience the world as it is.  To watch.  To observe.  To take it in.  And to use what I learn in the silence to become better.

Reading through, I find that even my gratitudes are woven together to connect dots and tell a story.  I can't escape the desire to see things in a way that brings them together and closes a loop in my mind.  And those who read the whole thing will have a pretty good idea of what makes me tick.  

40 Days to Better: Day 36

Today, I ran 6.2 miles at a decent pace just under 8 minutes per mile.  That was after baking two banana breads (easy recipe and needing to use up bananas) and making a pizza dough. Even the kids pointed out just how much bread we had in the house.  Some English muffins from the store, leftover chocolate chip and everything bagels homemade yesterday, and everything made this morning.  As a result, I will be able to take tomorrow off from making bread.

Then I walked the dog before I ran.  While I was walking the dog it was very quiet.  Barely even heard cars in the distance.  That silence was nice.  I'll expect to write more about that tomorrow.

In the meantime, I want to reflect on the Gospel verse I heard at St. Pius X church in Towson yesterday.  Here it is (Luke 17:5-10):

The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith."

The Lord replied,

"If you have faith the size of a mustard seed,

you would say to this mulberry tree,

'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you."

Fr. Sam stated, although maybe not verbatim, that Jesus was essentially telling his apostles, you already have it in you, trust yourself.

What a message for me to hear as a person.  As a dad.  As a manager.  As a (hopefully) leader and not just a manager.  As a runner.  As a teacher.  Perhaps even as a husband, although that is the one that I know I have to work on the most to prove that I have what it takes and to prove that I can trust myself to know how to be a good husband all the time.

Now, I have heard the message of do what matters from The Answer to How is Yes.  I have heard that if I am not giving my all I am sacrificing the Gift, from Steve Prefontaine.   And I have yesterday's Gospel reading as guidance to add on top of that.

Tying the three together, the book by Peter Block tells me, "you have the power to make the world a better place."  Steve Prefontaine didn't say what anyone could necessarily do with "the Gift" but that by giving my all I could use "the Gift" to its fullest.  And now, "you have what it takes".

So how do I tie this all together as I move ahead.  

I have to realize I have what it takes.  I have to recognize what I have.  I have to make the most of what I have.

However, good outcomes are not guaranteed.

But satisfaction in life is.  Would this be it for everyone?

I can't say.  I suspect some don't look for such fulfillment.  

40 Days to Better: Day 24

Today was not a day for running.  Did I plan for it to start that way?  Not really.  I had only thought about running 4, 5, or 6 miles but in the end there were too many other things to do.  And along the way through today, I had the opportunity to make an impression on people.  Is that necessarily a good thing?  Maybe--as long as I get people's attention for the right reason and when I need to.

I started the day preparing two loaves of pumpkin bread using an online recipe.  The recipe was one that I had made several times last fall but had not made since then.  The kids enjoyed the recipe and I took one loaf to work.  A colleague told me it was the talk of the staff this morning.  Perhaps it was just to flatter someone with a high level administrative position.  But she did ask for the recipe, too.  That was a nice way to make an impression on colleagues.

Second, the pizza dough that I made this morning.  It was half whole wheat.  It has a chance to rise for more than an hour before I went to work and rather than refrigerating it, I left it out all day.  So, thanks to some help from my seventeen year old, we had a pizza with sour dough like crust that was a bit more flavorful than normal topped with a combination of ricotta, Parmesan, and mozzarella.  It was really yummy.  And even Sherry said that it was exceptionally good--especially the cheese.  I make pizza all the time, but it was nice to get a compliment about the quality of the white pizza.

Finally, after an issue at work today, I sent an email to a colleague using a subject line that was stronger than I usually use.  This was one way to get the attention of a colleague whose attention I needed in a relatively immediate way.  She even commented that my choice of subject lines was certainly enough to get someone's attention.  I commented back that after six months at my new job, I had learned how to communicate with people in a way to get their attention when needed.  The subject was one for which I wish I did not have to draw my colleague's attention.  But I knew how to get it effectively.

So, in one day I had three specific mentions of getting people's attention.  Two were very positive and just by good fortune.  One was negative but necessary and effective.  Using the skill of getting people's attention is valuable.  It is important in the workplace.  It is important with students.  It is important in family life.  It is important when I teach Sunday school.  So many situations.  So many needs for people's attention.  So many ways to get people's attention.  And a skill that I can usefully continue to improve.     

40 Days to Better: Day 22

This morning I woke up to a request from my 17 year old son's girlfriend of more than two years. She had a fitness class assignment and was looking for five people (of whom, Sherry and I ended up being two) to answer a series of questions. I answered the five questions before 4 AM (I was up early after an exhausting week and weekend and having gone to sleep very early on Sunday night). When I told her I hoped the answers were not too long but that fitness is something I care a lot about she answered that she knew I care a lot about fitness.  

While Kelsey knows that I care about fitness, I'm not sure if she has any appreciation for how fast I run.  She simply knows that fitness matters to me.   Parenthetically, on this day when I ran four miles, after my ten fastest miles by myself on Saturday, I found that I was running four of the slowest by myself in a long time.  

Leaving the time behind, having a teen thinking of me for being really into fitness brings me to today's thought or lesson or whatever I might call it on the road to better.  That is to appreciate the gifts I have for a while. Build them up?  Yes. But for a while just take the gifts and don't try to build or learn new ones.

Am I saying the proverbial, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks?"  No.  In fact I think there is still a lot for me to learn in a wide variety of areas. 

What I am saying is that I am known for some things. I am known because I have proven that I am good at them.  I have proven that I can stick with them. And I know I can continue to improve and get better at them. But it is good just to stick with them. Deepen rather than widen my talents. Grow what I have rather than diversify. So many different ways of expressing what I am thinking. 

So what am I known for?  Breads. Administration. Running. Teaching. Those initials could be read as BART.  (Although I'm not sure I want to think of the Simpsons when it comes to considering what I am known for) Or BRAT, I suppose, although that term would be even less something I would want to have associated with me. 

I suppose you could add marriage and parenting. Not that I am perfect at either of those (or any of the first four). Or even close on any.  Just known.  

For example, being married at age 22 and staying married for 21 years so far and having three successful boys (each in his own way) are things that make a positive impression on people. Running the Boston marathon makes an impression. Success with bread and my job make an impression. 

So moving ahead, I look forward to strengthening and deepening. Growing--but controlled growth. My road to better is a planned and deliberate road to better making use of the assets I already have when I take the time to think about it.

40 Days to Better: Day 21

Today is another non-running day as are most Sundays now.  That is fine.  A day of rest after a hard run and a therapeutic massage is not a bad thing.

As for today's lesson it will be brief, as there is a lot to do today.

Today's lesson at St. Pius X for third graders will include the completion of last week's lesson.  In last week's lesson we talked about how God speaks to people.  One example is the story of the road to Emmaus.  On that, God, as part of the Holy Trinity, was in the form of the risen Jesus.  

I have always loved the story.  

There are certain aspects of the story that I find particularly appealing--especially how the disciples eventually identify Jesus through the breaking of the bread.  Bread is a constant theme in my life, and if I ever get a second tattoo (and I am not sure that I will) bread will be an important feature.

In any case, this is the first wedding anniversary for two friends of mine who had a wonderful wedding ceremony last year on Saturday September 22.  

The gospel story of the Road to Emmaus was the gospel reading at their Catholic wedding.

It is a wonderful story but I never really thought of it as something for a wedding.  I had always presumed that the two disciples on the road were men.  My one friend pointed out that there are some interpretations suggesting it was a man and woman.  What a wonderful story then for thinking about recognizing Christ together as part of a couple's spiritual life.

This is just one example of looking for second meanings and then thinking of how a second interpretation can be translated into a new insight, a new meaning, a new lesson, and something new to help me act.

I am sure that lesson can be carried over to other parts of my life to help me on my road to better.

All It Takes is a Little Yeast

I have loved making yeast bread for years.  I have written about making yeast bread for years.  I have thought about the symbolism of making yeast bread for years.  As I am headed from day 1 at my new job into day 2 at my new job, I think about the yeast I just put in my single-rise whole wheat bread.  It was just a little yeast.  The recipe is designed to only have to rise once rather than twice.  And yet the product that comes from it is good.  Sometimes in life all we need is a little bit of something to help an opportunity grow and it turns into something amazing.  Life is good that way.  Another aspect of this particular morning's single-rise whole wheat bread is that I put in chia seed rather than wheat germ.  I had forgotten that the last of our wheat germ was lost a while ago and I have not made a whole wheat bread in a while.  So, I quickly looked up potential substitutes for wheat germ online and found seeds to be one.  This should be an interesting bread.  It symbolizes not only the fact that a little starter can go a long way toward making opportunity grow but also the adaptability that is sometimes necessary.  

Made by Hand

Yesterday, I received a hand written congratulations note by US mail at my office in the Carey Business School.  It really made an impression on me for two reasons.  One, of course, was for the very nice thoughts expressed by the note writer.  The second, I realize, was because of the effort.  It was not just a quick email.  It was not just a Facebook post.  I have nothing against those.  But someone had to make the effort to find a card, consider what to write.  Write it in long hand.  And put it in the mail.  That shows a lot of effort and thought.  And it really made an impression.

I realized that there are many things that people are doing these days "by hand" that others recognize for their effort.  Knitting things.  Making foods from scratch.  Hand-kneading breads.  Crafts by hand.  While there are many things to be impressed about when it comes to modern technology, bread machines, and things like 3D printing or computer art, the fact that some people do things by hand, make the effort, and use their God given and learned talents to produce wondering, interesting, thoughtful things is being noticed.

It doesn't mean that anyone necessarily wants to go back to a "pre-email" time or no microwave meals, but it does suggest that many recognize the value of what is done by hand.   

Imitation, Innovation, and My Second Personal Vision Board

I have talked about numerous parts of what would be my second personal vision board--bread, the golden apple, the cornucopia.  There are three parts that remain.  I was not sure when I would get back to it, but I heard a story while driving to pick up my 13 year old from boychoir last night that inspired me to bring it out now.  

The program is a program that I hear on the local public radio station.  The program is called The Story.  The stories are long discussion format like some other public radio programs.  But the discussion is usually between the host and one person at a time.  There is no call in.  And each night there is usually a theme.  I'm not sure what the overall theme was last night, but at the conclusion of the program they were reflecting on some feedback they had received on a story about plagiarism.  Being a college professor and serving on or as chair of numerous academic committee, I think about plagiarism a lot.  It, for obvious reasons, has many very negative connotations.

However, the discussion about the piece on plagiarism also spent some time reviewing the concept of imitation in general.  And they closed with a thought for which I hav found a link that attributes it to jazz trumpet player Clark Terry: that the learning cycles can be summarized in three words: Imitate. Assimilate.  Innovate.  

That is a pretty cool thought.  The key is that the first step really is imitation.  Of course, I must begin by saying that this does not in any way, shape, or form excuse plagiarism.  But there are lots of ways in which I have imitated.  Prayer.  Lecturing style.  Overall approach to research. Playing bass.  Writing music.  Parenting.  The list goes on.  The key is that I have learned from others and whether I imitate consciously or subconsciously, I know that a lot of what I have done over time is to take the best of what I have observed and tried to make it mine.  It is just that I don't have to put in a footnote when I imitate through my parenting.

The assimilation.  Going along with the prayer theme, it is taking the ideas and making them an ingrained part of my way of living.  Taking the teaching, it is making an approach to leading a lecture or helping others to develop their faith (in Sunday school) or professional opinion of economic or cost-effectiveness (in my day job) a part of what I always do.  Yes, I am imitating at first because I learned from my teachers from elementary school to graduate school what are some of the best ways to present information.  However, I then assimilate and make each part a part of me.

Finally, I innovate.  Once I am comfortable using whatever the approach is in writing, playing, parenting, teaching, or praying (or anything else that I have learned from others), then I begin to make up my own themes.  I change things a bit.  I experiment.  I try things on for size.  Eventually, what was a shadow of what my mentors had done and then became an integrated part of my persona becomes truly mine as I find ways to bring it alive that are unique to my interest.

Now, unlike my love of the kitchen that could be usefully summarized in bread or my love of teaching that could be usefully summarized in a golden apple or the abundance with which I have been blessed that could be summarized with a cornucopia, it is not so obvious how one would summarize the learning process that is encapsulated by the three words: imitate, assimilate, innovate.  

However, I draw on The Hunger Games for some inspiration here.  Perhaps that is just a function of what I read this summer, and I certainly would not have been able to call on this image before this summer, but I like the mockingjay.  Why?  Well, think of the third book.  It is when Katniss who has really been led into things earlier on and has tried to imitate (listening to Haymitch) and then assimilated (taking what Haymitch said and acting on her own decisions) truly comes into her own and innovates.  It also fits quite well with a description of the mockingjay that appeared in the second book, Catching Fire on pages 91 and 92 of the hardback version.  I will close with that as I imagine having a mockingjay sitting atop the cornucopia on my virtual vision board.

“The jabberjays were mutations, genetically enhanced make birds created by the capitol as weapons to spy on rebels in the districts.  They could remember and repeat long passages on human speech, so they were sent into rebel areas to capture our words and return them to the Capital.  The rebels caught on and turned them against the Capitol by sending them home loaded with lies.  When this was discovered, the jabberjays were left to die.  In a few years they became extinct in the wild, but not before they had mated with female mockingbirds, creating an entirely new species.

 “But mockingjays were never a weapon,” said Madge.  “They’re just songbirds.  Right?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I said.  But it’s not true.  A mockingbird is just a songbird.  A mockingjay is a creature the Capitol never intended to exist.  They hadn’t counted on the highly controlled jabberjay having the brains to adapt to the wild, to pass on its genetic doe, to thrive in a new form.  They hadn’t anticipated its will to live.

Now, as I trudge through the snow, I see the mockingjays hopping about on branches as they pick up on other birds’ melodies, replicate them, and then transform them into something new.  As always, they remind me of Rue.  I think of the dream I had the last night on the train, where I followed her in mockingjay form.  I wish I could have stayed asleep just a bit longer and found out where she was trying to take me.

Core Strength: It's Physical--but It's Also About Activities and Values

As someone very much into exercise, I have heard the term core strength a lot.  It makes me think of crunches and planks.  It makes me think of yoga.  It makes me think of abs, back, and pelvis muscles. And yesterday I was reminded how in this year of training since the race I ran that allows me to register for Boston next year, how I had not concentrated on this issue.  I used the rowing machine at the Y yesterday for the first time in months.  On it, you push back with your legs and pull back with your arms.  You sit on a little seat that slides when you do this.  There is nothing to support the back. That fact was VERY noticeable yesterday.  It reminded me that if I really want to run a great race on Thanksgiving weekend and try for a new half marathon personal best, I am going to have to concentrate hard on regaining some of that core strength in the time leading up to that race.

As I went through the day yesterday (my trips to the Y usually are done by 6:30), I thought about two other interpretations of core strength.  One is in the activities that I do.  I love baking bread.  It is what appears most often in my other blog about being in the kitchen.  I mention it all the time.  When I post pictures to Instagram, I am often posting bread.  I even talked about baking bread during happy hour with masters students yesterday at the end of the day.  I found a recipe for Kaiser rolls on Thursday and made them on Thursday night.  This is one recipe for which I'm not sure there will be any easy shortcuts.  The recipe calls for two hour long risings before the rolls are shaped and then another rising after the rolls are shaped and they require 25 minutes to bake.  That is a long time.  But they were so good.  My wife was impressed by the look at the taste.  She said they reminded her of having a sandwich from a deli.  I plan to make them again and will post next time.  What do I think of as a core strength for an activity--it is the activity that is the core of me.  What can I rely on.  What is it that makes me "me".  What do I know I can go back to and be good at when nothing else in the world seems to be working.  Bread.

And core strength with respect to values?  I interpret that as any value that I live out and that I know I will live out no matter what.  I'm not sure what that is for me.  There are no simple answers.  I know my values are rooted in my faith.  I know I value family.  I know I value hard work--but sometimes there are so many things to work on that even valuing hard work leaves so much undone.  But it is and will remain a challenge to myself--not just to focus on the core strength of my musculoskeletal system.  Not just to focus on my core activities.  But to also focus on my core values.  And to make sure that I continue to live them out every day.  

Vision Board II in Text Part I: The Bread

This Saturday morning I "slept in".  Of course, sleeping in for someone who is usually an early morning runner can mean just not getting up until 6 AM, which I realize for most people would not be considered sleeping in.  After a long week in which I knocked a few important end of summer tasks off my to do list at work and an evening of walking with my wife and our dog to Belvedere Square to listen for a bit to a band that self describes as "alternative country," I needed some extra rest. Besides, tomorrow is the 20 mile race that I have been looking forward to all summer and extra rest the day before is not a bad thing.

As I sit, what have I been pondering.  In less than two weeks (thirteen days, to be exact) I get color added to my first tattoo.  I have, as the summer has gone on, been more willing to share my tattoo with those at work.  Most people seem surprised but I haven't noticed a huge change in anyone's opinion of me or anything.  I look forward to the addition of color and seeing what the final product looks like.  Emily told me that she was going to try to use period specific colors (the period being the 1930's setting of the clothes on St Sebastian and Irene, the lamppost, and the Baltimore City skyline.  

When I originally came up with the new title for this particular blog, I was thinking of "Connecting the Dots" in terms of a constellation in the sky or the type of activity we may have done as young kids.  Having a page with a bunch of dots that are numbered and connecting them to make a coherent picture.  What I didn't think of (but is kind of cool) is that tattooing is also sort of like connecting a bunch of dots--or at least putting a bunch of dots close enough together to form a coherent picture.  The notion of dots is captured well in a web page that describes the tattooing process.  

Sometimes in adult life it feels like we still get the dots on the page but not the numbers.  This makes developing a coherent picture more difficult sometimes.  But I suppose that challenge of figuring out how things fit together rather than simply being told is part of what being an adult rather than a child means.

It's sometimes funny how a blog entry wanders.  I never thought when I started typing that I'd end up with any focus on the issue of what it means to be an adult rather than a child.  With that, it is interesting to ponder how our "vision boards" would change over time.  I'm not sure how easy it would be even to define our interests, aspirations, and hopes enough to create a vision board.  I suppose that I had what I thought of as big dreams as a kid.  But I know that one thing about being where I am now in life (again, another adult-child distinction but this may even be a young adult and early-40's adult)  is that all the ideas about hopes and aspirations are much better defined.  I can think of the answers to this question in sort of a "life course" approach.  Where did they used to be?  Where are they now?  How do my life experiences to date influence where I am now?  And how do I expect anything to continue to evolve over time?    

I can verbalize (and then turn into pictures) what is now a much more stable set of ideas.

So, with that, and taking my existing tattoo as "life course symbolic vision board #1", I will begin a short series of reflections on what might be called life course symbolic vision board #2.  

It would begin with bread.  Wikipedia tells us that the history of bread goes back at least 30,000 years.    That is pretty amazing.  But that is not why I would choose it.  I would choose it for my second vision board as it represents my love of being in the kitchen.  I prepare many things in the kitchen but my specialty is bread.  I make bread more often than anything else.  And this is interpreting bread very broadly.  Bread can be pizza dough.  It can be stromboli dough.  It can be rolls I use for steak sandwiches.  Banana bread.  Bagels.  Pretzels.  Simple whole wheat bread.  Challah.  Easter bread.  Biscuits--with or without sweet addition.  Lion house rolls. Irish soda bread.  I've tried my hand at pita.  I've tried may hand at tortillas.  I've even tried my hand at injera.  The list goes on.  So much diversity (another theme in my life).  Bread is something I choose to make with my hands despite having a bread machine.  It gives me a sense of accomplishment.  Sometimes (particularly kneading dough for yeast breads) it lets me take out my frustrations.  It shows how I learn over time--as I have diversified the breads I make and I have even modified recipes to make them fit into the time that I have or for the specific needs I have in feeding my family.  Thus, bread as part of my life course vision board #2 would appear in multiple forms and represent many important parts of my adult life.   

Themes from the 18th Sunday in Ordinary Time

My reflections on themes today come from a different starting point than last week's reflections. I wrote several entries about last week's readings. I probably wrote more about one Sunday's readings than I have in a long time. This week, I have been home from Armenia for a week. I have played music. I have baked. I have run a lot. I have taught a lot. I could not ask for much more out of my personal life, and family is doing well too.

And this week, the worship band in which I play was not playing so I could focus all my thoughts on the readings. Or almost all my thoughts--sometimes it is hard with a seven year old.

The biggest thing to notice in the readings this week was the continued discussion of the theme that Jesus is the bread of life. I will comment on that and on Father Ray's homily a bit more later this week. What I want to comment on now is the idea of manna in Exodus.

Why?  Well, last week the type of bread discussed was barley loaves.  This week the type of physical bread (as opposed to symbolic bread with Jesus being the Bread of Life) that was discussed was manna.  The story of Exodus in which the Israelites have gotten annoyed with Moses for taking them out of slavery in Egypt that seemed to have its physical advantages and leading them to the desert to die.  Then God gave them manna.  I actually had to look up the word hoarfrost that appears in the reading.

Why is the variation in types of physical bread interesting?  Because in the past week I'd baked pizza, rolls, pizza again, then banana bread and bagels starting just after 6 AM on the morning when I heard the reading about the manna.

I guess what caught my attention most was the coincidence of the fact that I had made two types of bread on the same morning that the readings discussed two types of bread (one physical and one spiritual) and the way in which God continues to find ways to guide my behavior and give me hope by matching what I am doing with what I am hearing and reading so that what I am hearing and reading makes more sense.

Of course, I suppose it only makes sense when I "connect the dots" in the interesting ways that I choose to, but that is part of how I make sense of the world.  I realize that my way of connecting the dots may not always make sense to others, but, even when it doesn't, perhaps others might find it interesting to ponder and then try to connect the dots in their own way.