Epilogue to the Spirituality of Advent: Complementarity

I have been working on putting together the set of 26 blog entries that I wrote regarding the Spirituality of Advent into a connected sequence.  Ther ordering is obvious--the one that set the framework, the 24 written on days of Advent, and the one written on Christmas Day.  What is interesting is the search for themes.  

When I began, I sort of thought it would be a piece of cake to write about themes of hope, preparation, joy, and love for 24 days.  What could be easier?  There are many things each day that make me think about these themes.

What I could not have predicted when I began was playing bass at a funeral, finding a little time to pick up the mandolin again, finding Emmet Otter on a site where I could play the entire special from start to finish online for free, multiple interesting exchanges with a fellow runner/blogger, an especially good race, and a 10 day period during which I would see almost a performance a day on the evenings I was in Baltimore.  

What I could not have predicted is that despite being incredibly happy with where I am in life, satisfied that I am pretty well off, and still recognizing that I could improve myself and how I interact with others, and despite being really high on Maslow's triangle, I am still truly searching.  Not searching for something bigger--I am comfortable with the notion that there is something bigger out there.  But searching for the meaning of whatever it is that is bigger and searching for ways to allow it to guide me to a better life.

So, since I have reflected on the Prayer of St. Francis and I have put it in writing that I want  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 read at my funeral some day and I have written about contrasts before, I will close this set of writings about the Spirituality of Advent with a set of reflections that I will refer to as complementarities rather than contrasts.  I think that what I will offer is a set of things that go together--each having it's time--rather than things that have to be one or the other.  And since I have also written recently about the Beatitudes, I will make eight complementary "there is a time for" statements.

Everything in my search for self-actualization and deeper meaning has its time:
There is a time for seeking that something bigger in the universe,
   and a time for appreciating every little detail of life that goes 
   right on a daily basis;
There is a time for being the biggest help I can be to those around
   me,
   and a time for realizing that ultimately I play only a small role
   in helping a person or changing a person's life;
There is a time for feeling that things like crossing finish lines
   are big accomplishments,
   and a time for realizing that each moment in life--and even each
   marathon--is but a speck of dust relative to the whole of life;
There is a time for seeking to express myself and all that is unique
   about me,
   and a time for conformity and doing things just because that is
   best and I should trust those around me who have done things
   before and not ask questions.
There is a time for drawing attention;
   and a time for realizing that I am but a speck in humanity and
   that humanity is but a speck in the universe and my role is to be
   the best I can be but that I will not change the world in a
   moment;
There is a time for running,
   and a time to realize that running is only one part of my life and
   that many other parts deserve and require attention to keep the
   whole of my life functioning well;
There is a time for seeking to make new connections with
   interesting people,
   and a time to carefully nurture the many connections with
   incredible people I have already; 
There is a time for pondering the meaning of life,
   and a time for acting on the meaning I have found.

The Spirituality of Advent, Day 5, Week 1

This week of focusing on hope has also been focused on mortality.  This is a very interesting pair.  Although in the church, it is not a pair that is surely an oxymoron.  Mortality brings hope for resurrection for those who believe in such things.  

The experience of mortality can take multiple formats.  Mortality can be experienced as just knowing that someone passed away.  Mortality can also be experienced as a funeral with all the emotions that brings.  

Listening to the readings and the music on Monday made me ponder--if I had a choice, which readings and songs would I want to be chosen to represent me.

The readings are somewhat easy.  I would go with the reading from Ecclesiastes that Sherry and I had at our wedding.  Not because I associate the wedding with death, of course.  But because it is timeless and it matches well with one of the songs that was sung at the funeral mass on Monday: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.  

The Psalm, also easy.  Psalm 23--the Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.  In any of its many forms either spoken or musical.  

The second reading--focusing on hope, as well as faith, and most importantly love--1 Corinthians, 13:1-13.  This ends with the verse that started me writing my personal blog.

Finally, the Gospel would be an interesting choice.  I'd actually go with Luke 23:33-43.  Not because I think that the focus on death would be the right thing.  But because of Jesus's forgiveness no matter what the soldiers did and because of the criminal who asked Jesus, "remember me, when you come into your kingdom."  I like the focus on God's kingdom.  And I like Jesus's response.  As Father Sam once pointed out, the criminal is the only one Jesus actually told he would be brought into heaven.

Songs: Amazing Grace, Be Not Afraid, something with Psalm 23, Take My Hand Precious Lord, Take Me Home.  All easy.  All typical.  I'd really have nothing to add on this one.

If there were a communion meditation song that was potentially non-religious, also a theme from Sherry's and my wedding--"Don't Know Much."    Maybe most would see it as a throw back to a "sappy" 1980's love song.  However, I would see it as a song of hope.  There may be many things I don't know.  But I would hope that everyone who showed up at the funeral would be someone to whom I had shown love.  I would hope that everyone who showed up at the funeral would be someone who felt love for me.  Love in a broad, general, friendly sense, of course.  

The key is that it is a song of hope and simplicity.  I only need to know that there is love.  Once I know that, everything else will follow in some way, shape, or form.  And that is a message that I hope others will have seen in my actions.

Comes back to the question of "if I were on trial for being Christian would there be enough evidence to convict me?" I hope that my actions of love and acceptance would be part of that evidence.

The opportunity to have so many messages that are dear to me so clearly communicated by word and music would be wonderful.  Of course, I hope that the opportunity to share these lessons does not come too soon.  While one of the readings on Monday was about the joy of marriage, I find the links to the same readings we used at our wedding to be a way to point out the importance of marriage.  The same fundamental ideas that have guided me for the last 22 1/2 years continue to guide me.  And I suspect they always will.

If those who come to my funeral some day can take with them the lessons that have guided me, I will be understood.  And while Saint Francis's prayer says I should not seek so much to be understood as to understand, at that point, I can't do any more understanding and the best I can hope for is that being understood will inspire others.  

A 19:10 5K Translated into a Bible Verse--Ecclesiastes 1:9-10

So, my last entry of something truly new was the entry regarding self-actualization where I talked about playing my bass versus running and academics and teaching Sunday school, etc. 

What is interesting is that at my recent 5K (on November 9), I ran a 19:10.  I had not run that fast since high school.  Great.  I had not yet taken the time to write about it in terms of a Bible verse.  What I stumbled on was Ecclesiastes, chapter 1, verses 9 and 10.  Here is the text from the US Conference of Catholic Bishops website:

What has been, that will be; what has been done, that will be done. Nothing is new under the sun!
Even the thing of which we say, “See, this is new!” has already existed in the ages that preceded us.

This seemed like a particularly apt set of verses given my recent thinking about self-actualization.  "What has been, that will be" and "what has been done, that will be done."  I am making choices that are similar (practically identical) to choices I made 27 years ago.  Even the statement "Nothing is new under the sun!"  I have always been a person who tries to cram in too much.  Who tries to make myself too busy.  Who does not focus.  I am learning now to get focused.  I am learning to be more careful with what I commit to.  Am I perfect?  No way.  But with my new job, eight months in, I am definitely moving in the right direction.

I'm not even sure I would say "See, this is new!"  The choice existed before.  And I will probably face another choice some time in the future in which I have to think about how to cut some things short and focus on others.  

What was also interesting in this situation, was that I ended up sharing this situation with my oldest son's girlfriend.  She asked me what had brought me to the electric bass.  I shared with her the story.  Learned a little guitar when Christopher started.  Never got all that good.  Wanted to do something along with Christopher when he started in the worship band at church.  Couldn't keep up on guitar.  They needed a bass player.  And the rest was history.

But I also shared with her that I had to make a conscious choice that involved giving it up.  And that this was the second time in my life that I gave up something musical.  And that gave me a chance to excel at the other things on which I chose to focus.  

In contrast, she and my son had chosen music at every opportunity.  And it has taken them and hopefully will continue to take them far.

God gives us choices.  We have free will.  We have to make the choices to give God glory.  I feel I am making the right ones.  It is amazing how I have to learn and relearn the same lessons.  But it gives me hope that I can share with others.  Maybe I'm not the only one who looks at a verse likes this and reflects on how many times I have had to relearn the same things.  What that says about me.  And how I will take that reflection into the future.  

Self-Actualization

Yesterday (Sunday, November 10) I had a wonderful day that included a run with a training partner with whom I had not run in three months, teaching about the Beatitudes, preparing a homemade stromboli, and mass.  All four of these are part of what I think about when I consider Maslow's triangle--ranging from shelter, safety, and food up to self-actualization.

In particular, I was thinking about the issue of self-actualization during mass.  The worship band that I played with off and on for seven years, is now down to about seven people--two guitars, a drummer, a piano player, and three singers.  One of the singers does extra percussion sometimes.  And all but the drummer sing.  Still, the group sometimes jokes that it is now "20 More Days" rather than "40 More Days" since it is about half the size it used to be.

As I was singing along with the band as part of the congregation, I was considering whether I miss playing my bass.   I decided that there was really no question.  I do miss playing my bass.  But I also asked, what would I miss more?

Would I miss playing my bass more than teaching Sunday School?  No.

Would I miss playing my bass more than all the baking I do?  No.

Would I miss playing my bass more than running?  No.

On the running issue, yesterday was a particularly good day for running.  I was out on the NCR trail.  The trail was soft and somewhat soggy in places.  The running was soft on the knees and muscles and other joints.  We ran an 8 minute mile pace--a very comfortable pace compared to most of the training we had every done together.  There were colorful fallen leaves on the trail.  I met my training partner just as the sun was rising.  It was a beautiful morning. 

All three of baking, running, and teaching are more important to me than bass playing.  I had to give up something, so I gave up playing bass in the worship band.

Maybe I will return to playing bass at some point.  Maybe just for fun.  Maybe for a worship band again.

Or maybe I will finally learn to play the mandolin.

I guess it is a "first world problem" to have to choose which of several things that could all be important for self-actualization are the ones I will choose to continue and the ones I will choose to give up.

I have only ever commented that running is what I do to reach the top of Maslow's triangle--particularly contrasting it with running for basic safety and food.

As I think about my choice, baking is something that was traditionally for the lowest level of Maslow's triangle.  I am now doing it as part of my self-actualziation as well.  I find myself feeling a sense of fulfillment with my baking.

I also think that I achieve fulfillment in my teaching.  Being involved in the educational process is what I was meant to do in my career and in my work with the church.

It is so interesting to think about how all the pieces of life fit together and what brings fulfillment and what does not.  And what brings more and what brings less.  And how I have made choices and how I will continue to make choices.  It reminds me of the verses in Ecclesiastes about a time for things and a time not for things.  I have determined it is not the time for music.  It continues to be the time for other sings.

So it goes.   

Telling the People You Love that You Love Them

Over the next three days I will celebrate a beginning and an ending.  Two stories of love.

Tomorrow, my advisee, fellow runner, and friend Jackie will marry Patrick.  I've known Jackie for a little over a year and Patrick for a little less time.  They are two wonderful people.  Two giving people.  Two smiling people.  Two amazing people.   Two people who think so much of others.  Tomorrow we celebrate their promise of love for each other.  I am confident that it will be a long marriage and last through the challenges that all couples face as life goes on.  We celebrate a beginning.

On Monday, the woman who raised the girl that I have come to know as "my oldest son's girlfriend" will be celebrated in a memorial service.  She last her battle with breast cancer and its complications.  I never met her in person.  But I get the sense from listening to Kelsey and from seeing how Kelsey turned out to be such a wonderful and amazing person that her grandmother must have been incredibly loving.  Incredibly caring,  Incredibly strong.  We celebrate a life lived on Monday.  An ending.  People coming together to share grief of what is still in some ways a beginning--the beginning of the challenges of life without the person.  In this case, a grandmother who will be remembered in many kind ways.

Life is full of contrasts.  I could look to Ecclesiastes as a reminder of this.  Of course, while I can look to scripture for a guide, there is really no need to go beyond personal experience.  I know there are ups and downs.  I know there are good times and hard times.  I know there are wonderful times and sad times.  I know there are times I cry tears of joy and times I cry tears of sorrow.  I know that both the beginning and the ending that I will be involved in celebrating mark experiences of love.  A love being promised.  A love being celebrated.

And the beginning and ending celebrations of love remind me of how important it is to share feelings of love--or really appreciation in general--with those around you.  Because of life's unpredictability the promises we make can be ended in ways that always seem too soon after the fact.  It's a good reason not to forget to share the fact of my love with those whom I do love.