40 Days to Better: Day 5

Day 5 of my journey to "better".  What did I run this morning?  Absolutely nothing.  An unplanned day off and my legs are thankful.  I'll go long tomorrow.  Still an outside chance I will hit 50 for the week, but everything would have to work out just right for me to do that.  We will see.  I'd be happy with 45 as I didn't even run many 50 mile weeks when I was training for Boston.

So, today, I didn't have my usual run time to ponder.  I didn't even have dog walking to ponder as I gave that morning responsibility to my oldest.

So, I'll reflect on something that a friend posted on Facebook earlier this week and a bit of philosophical exchange we had.  The picture she shared a link of came from Upworthy on Facebook (from which I have borrowed the photo for commentary).

I noted that "forgiveness" was sticking out.  She had commented in an earlier that an aspect of forgiveness was something that she struggled with.  I think we all struggle.  Forgiving may come more easily for some than for others.  But none of us are perfect at forgiving.  None of us can always forgive.  And none of us can always forgive completely.  No matter how sorry the person we are asked to forgive is.  None of us is God--in whatever sense we may picture God as offering forgiveness.

I thought about three other things.  First, the sign says "Take What You Need".  It may have been even better if it said "Take What You Need to Share".  Sure, I may need forgiveness.  But isn't sharing it even more important as a personal quality.  At least I have control over whether I share it or not.  I can share love.  I can share my faith.  I can share my strength and my inspiration.  Adding just two words could turn the whole thing a bit upside down but also change the meaning in an incredibly positive way.  Just a thought on how to use something like this.  And for me sharing each of the things listed would certainly be part of being better.  

Second, my friend discussed forgive and forget.  Can you forgive if you don't forget?  If you forgive and don't forget does that mean you are holding on?  If you forgive and remember does that mean you have learned a lesson but have moved on?  I think that you can forgive without forgetting--but it can be hard.  What do we mean by forgiveness?  And who is to judge when we have completely forgiven?  As with much else in life, I suspect that much of the answer to this question is perception.  Does the person who needs forgiveness perceive that they have been forgiven?  And what would it take to make them feel this?  So, perhaps there is no simple answer to whether there can be forgiveness without forgetting.  This is in the eye of the beholder--and there are at least two beholders in every situation that needs forgiveness.

Third, I think about what forgiveness means to me.  Who am I good at forgiving?  Who am I not so good at forgiving?  To whom do I need to send a message of forgiveness?  From whom do I need forgiveness?  What are the barriers to forgiveness in my life?  And what do I do that requires forgiveness?  One way to be better regardless of my own ability to forgive is to do less of whatever I do for which I end up needing forgiveness.

A worthy goal.  

Telling the People You Love that You Love Them

Over the next three days I will celebrate a beginning and an ending.  Two stories of love.

Tomorrow, my advisee, fellow runner, and friend Jackie will marry Patrick.  I've known Jackie for a little over a year and Patrick for a little less time.  They are two wonderful people.  Two giving people.  Two smiling people.  Two amazing people.   Two people who think so much of others.  Tomorrow we celebrate their promise of love for each other.  I am confident that it will be a long marriage and last through the challenges that all couples face as life goes on.  We celebrate a beginning.

On Monday, the woman who raised the girl that I have come to know as "my oldest son's girlfriend" will be celebrated in a memorial service.  She last her battle with breast cancer and its complications.  I never met her in person.  But I get the sense from listening to Kelsey and from seeing how Kelsey turned out to be such a wonderful and amazing person that her grandmother must have been incredibly loving.  Incredibly caring,  Incredibly strong.  We celebrate a life lived on Monday.  An ending.  People coming together to share grief of what is still in some ways a beginning--the beginning of the challenges of life without the person.  In this case, a grandmother who will be remembered in many kind ways.

Life is full of contrasts.  I could look to Ecclesiastes as a reminder of this.  Of course, while I can look to scripture for a guide, there is really no need to go beyond personal experience.  I know there are ups and downs.  I know there are good times and hard times.  I know there are wonderful times and sad times.  I know there are times I cry tears of joy and times I cry tears of sorrow.  I know that both the beginning and the ending that I will be involved in celebrating mark experiences of love.  A love being promised.  A love being celebrated.

And the beginning and ending celebrations of love remind me of how important it is to share feelings of love--or really appreciation in general--with those around you.  Because of life's unpredictability the promises we make can be ended in ways that always seem too soon after the fact.  It's a good reason not to forget to share the fact of my love with those whom I do love.