And with your spirit...

Today, my long time running partner asked me to say a prayer for her friend.  I had heard about this friend's pregnancy over time as the friend was having some challenges.  In short, the mother to be had an emergency C-section to deliver twins early yesterday.  The baby boy was okay.  The baby girl died at 11:45 last night.  A terrible tragedy for the child and the family.  So, I said I would keep baby, the mother, and the family in my prayers.  

Later in the afternoon, we went to mass.  After the opening song the priest made a comment about the first reading being from the book of Job.  Job is one of the books of wisdom.  As Father Sam likes to point out these books are not meant as factual accounts but are useful stories to help understand what the ancient Jewish people were struggling with.  In Job, the struggle was with the concept of why terrible things happen to people who haven't done anything wrong.  This was the first amazingly relevant part of today's mass for me.  Clearly, the baby girl who passed away had not done anything wrong.  People of faith often struggle when something like this happens--and obviously this has been a problem for people of faith for millenia.

As mass continued, after the first verse we sang You Answered Me from Psalm 138 for the response.  The refrain talks about "Lord, on the day I called for help, You answered me..."  God is there.  God is healing.  God is forgiving.  And God can bring healing when horrible things happen to good people.

The Gospel was Mark 1:29-39, where Jesus healed the mother-in-law of Simon and then healed many others.  Another sign of a healing and loving God, although, as Father Sam pointed out, Jesus then went to reflect and pray as he realized that just being a "miracle worker" was not the intended role.  Third relevant thing to think about at today's mass as it was a very powerful example of healing.  

Next, the song during the preparation of the gifts was Your Great Name.  In this song, we hear about the lost finding their way, the condemned feeling no shame, and the weak finding their strength.  The term "my Healer" comes up again and again.  More amazing relevance.  

The song during the Eucharist, You Are focused on "Love unfailing, truth unchanging..." and "strength for those in need."  More direct relevance for my afternoon.  

Then, after Eucharist and prior to dismissing the congregation, Fr. Sam quoted two of the Beatitude including "Blessed are those who mourn..."  Father Sam had no idea of what issue I'd heard about earlier in the day.  

Father had challenged us at the start of the mass to continue to spend time thinking about what our baptisms mean.  What our commitment to our faith means.  He commented further than with no one paying attention to the rule to go to church at this point we are seeing only people who are really committed.  But that doesn't mean that everyone has it all figured out.  The people who come are the ones who are seeking to figure it out and then figure out how to live their lives in a way that reflects the Gospel that we preach and listen to.  To conclude this thought, Father Sam shared a thought with us that he had shared before: don't just listen to me on Sunday, watch my actions on Wednesday.  See if he lives out what he speaks about.

And to tie this all back to how it affects me, I had shared with my friend, who is not Catholic, that at the Catholic mass the priest will say "Peace be with you."  And over the past several years the congregation has not answered "And also with you," but instead, "And with your spirit."  Today, my friend's friend needs her spirit healed.  And, so, I pointed this out to my friend and she appreciated the thought a lot.  

For those of us with faith in the God Christians believe in, there is the opportunity to find healing in that faith.  And for me today, I was amazed at how the readings that are set years in advance helped me to see examples of that healing and examples of how I am asked to help live out that healing on a day when I wished for nothing more than healing thoughts for a friend of a friend experiencing the devastation of losing a child.  

Saying a prayer is only a small part of the healing process.  The friend of a friend is lucky to have our mutual friend as a listener and shoulder to cry on.  Perhaps that will be a way for her to begin to heal.

And for me, if I ever wonder whether there is a strong correlation between what I need and what I get at mass, this is one day that I will remember.  I get exactly what I need.  Sometimes I just need to work harder to understand it and realize it.  Today was a shining example.  I hope that my spirit, which is more at ease now than when I first heard about the tragedy for the friend of a friend, can help to heal and lift up others.    

Inspirtation and Meaning in Celebrating a LIfe After Passing

Last night I attended a wake service for Mark Pacione.  St Pius X church on York Road just north of the city/county border just outside Baltimore City was packed to standing room only.  The line of people waiting to say something to Carol Pacione and her family was amazingly long before the service and went for an amazingly long time after the service.  The church was supposed to close at nine.  There were still dozens of cars in the parking lot well after nine when Sherry and I left the building.

I have not been to many Catholic wake services.  But this was amazing.  I won’t claim this is a play-by-play recounting.  By to help me continue to process the passing of someone who was only 60, I am going to reflect on the elements on the evening I found most moving.

First, the church’s worship band played some prelude music and throughout the program.  Their prelude music—when I believe it is appropriate to have as many solos as they might like and the music is intended for contemplation—was lovely.  I quickly noticed that the piano was being played by someone other than the typical piano player these days.  The typical piano player is a wonderful person whose piano playing is usually a nice accompaniment to what the guitars are doing.  The piano player last night is just at a different level and added some improvisations that brought the music to life in a different way.  There may be some who would debate just how much improvisation there should be and how much the piano or the guitar should lead, but my personal preference is for the type of piano/guitar mix I heard last night. 

Second, the fact that the church was full was amazing—because nearly everyone sang.  It sounded like everyone sang even if there may have been a few listeners in the crowd.  That, more than anything else, made the evening an incredible one.  The opening song was Come Holy Spirit.  For those who believe there is such a thing as the Holy Spirit, there was no question of the presence of the Spirit last night.  Before the song, during the song, after the song, the entire time.  This part of the experience reminded me of Matthew 18:20  “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” The gathering last night was much more than two.  And God was certainly in our midst last night.

Third, the singing.  There was a version of Amazing Grace in the program that the worship band has played dozens of times.  And it usually played in a way with at least some of the verses of the original Amazing Grace being sung by a soloist with the congregation then singing the modern added refrain.  While the song started with only one singer from the band, the congregation quickly joined in.  (Not everyone was from St. Pius X and used to the way it is usually done.)  To hear the entire congregation sing out the verses of Amazing Grace with strong voices almost brought me to tears.  I had a hard time holding it together to sing.  But that is what worship and praise music means to me.  Worshipping as a congregation.  Praising God as a congregation.  In this case, celebrating the life of a great man as a congregation. 

Fourth, Father Sam Lupico was on fire.  His homily was amazing.  So much near shouting—for joy!  So much emotion.  So strong a representation of what everyone hopes will carry on long after Mark’s life. Even before the homily, when he read the Gospel he talked about switching from what was listed in the program to a reading from Matthew.  When he began the reading with “When he saw the crowds he, he went up on a mountain…” I knew where this was going.  He had preceded the reading with a comment on how discussion with the family had led to this reading.  I knew what the reading would be.  The Sermon on the Mount with the Beatitudes.  The Beatitudes that are written on the eight stained glass windows around the church.  The Beatitudes that Fr. Sam focuses on in his homilies even in weeks when we are not reading from Matthew 5.  The Beatitudes that, to paraphrase Fr. Sam, if anyone believed and lived them it was Mark.  Fr. Sam’s homily last night was the closest I have ever experienced to a Catholic revival.  Everyone cried and laughed and shouted Amen and understood just what Mark believed and lived.  It reminded me of a meeting for this year’s youth who will be confirmed at St. Pius X.  Mark had shown a video that led in with “don’t get confirmed, BE confirmed.”  In other words, live your faith.  And Mark certainly did that.

Fifth, there were several speakers who had the opportunity to make comments about Mark after the singing of Amazing Grace.  One focused on how mark was present for everyone.  I try to be present for everyone.  I know I fail sometimes.  But it was clear that Mark was able to capture that feeling of just being there for you.  I have already commented on the presence of the gathering last night.  It was wonderful.  I try to live my life with presence for others.  Being present has a lot to do with being a symbol of God for others—going back to being confirmed rather than just getting confirmed.  That goes along with recognizing God in others and living a life of gratitude when you tell others what you appreciate.  That symbol is a part of my goal (3) for the coming year (I talked about this on December 31, 2014)—to say thank you even for little things.  I was able to put that to work immediately after we left the church last night.  We stopped at the grocery store and I chose to go to a cashier rather than going through the self-check line.  The young man took the time to carefully and thoughtfully bag everything to use the smallest number of plastic bags and not risk crushing anything.  The care that he took was notable and I made sure to say “Thanks.  Not everyone does that.”  And he seemed to appreciate that.  A reminder that there is the opportunity to be grateful to and present for everyone in our lives. 

Sixth, one gentleman who had worked with Mark for more than 30 years including when Mark helped to organize World Youth Day in Denver and then the Pope’s visit to Baltimore in the 1990’s.  This gentleman commented that Mark is probably already on the planning committee for the Jesus’s second coming.  That got a laugh from the entire congregation.  Mark was an organizer. And could inspire others to work with him for the faith.

Seventh, the other thing that many mentioned was Mark’s focus on family, friends, and faith.  I have already discussed faith, the Holy Spirit, the gathering, and the presence that was felt at the church.  But it was clear that Mark also loved his family and was appreciated by many friends.  And the line between who was just a friend and who was part of Mark’s family was a very blurry one.  Everyone there last night was clearly family in some sense of the word.

Eighth, while at the service and waiting in line after the service to give my condolences to his family, I saw so many families and so many youth and young adults whom I had known for the 18+ years we have been at St Pius X—or at least as long as they had been alive.  Some of them I had taught when they were 9 or 10 or 12.  Others I had simply watched.  The passing brought together families in some amazing ways.  And seeing kids whom I have known for so long is always a heart warming experience. 

Ninth, it allowed me to connect with some friends in faith I have not seen for quite some time.  So important at a time like this.

Finally, when Sherry and I reached Mae and then Carol and her family the length of the hugs exchanged when there was nothing to say but “I’m here.”  Mae said “Thank you for being here.”  All I could think of to say was “Of course.”  And when I reached his daughter, I actually had a story to share.  I recalled her running the Chicago marathon.  I recalled both her mom and her dad being worried.  And I recalled the day when she did it as one on which there was tension and a sense of relief and pride when she finished.  She talked about her dad joining her to finish.  I talked about sharing my running with two of my three boys.  She also mentioned not running now as she is expecting and we joked about the very pregnant woman who had run the Chicago marathon and given birth almost immediately afterward.  That joking was a light moment.  But more importantly, the primacy of family lives on in a new generation who were already and will continue to be inspired by Mark’s example. 

Mark’s niece restated something that had been noted in the eulogies—keep saying Mark’s name to keep his spirit and all he stood for alive.  I don’t think there will be any shortage of thoughts and discussions of Mark in the coming week or weeks or even months or years.  And everyone last night will be inspired to keep the vision that he provided for the life of the laity in the Catholic church alive. 

Epilogue to the Spirituality of Advent: Complementarity

I have been working on putting together the set of 26 blog entries that I wrote regarding the Spirituality of Advent into a connected sequence.  Ther ordering is obvious--the one that set the framework, the 24 written on days of Advent, and the one written on Christmas Day.  What is interesting is the search for themes.  

When I began, I sort of thought it would be a piece of cake to write about themes of hope, preparation, joy, and love for 24 days.  What could be easier?  There are many things each day that make me think about these themes.

What I could not have predicted when I began was playing bass at a funeral, finding a little time to pick up the mandolin again, finding Emmet Otter on a site where I could play the entire special from start to finish online for free, multiple interesting exchanges with a fellow runner/blogger, an especially good race, and a 10 day period during which I would see almost a performance a day on the evenings I was in Baltimore.  

What I could not have predicted is that despite being incredibly happy with where I am in life, satisfied that I am pretty well off, and still recognizing that I could improve myself and how I interact with others, and despite being really high on Maslow's triangle, I am still truly searching.  Not searching for something bigger--I am comfortable with the notion that there is something bigger out there.  But searching for the meaning of whatever it is that is bigger and searching for ways to allow it to guide me to a better life.

So, since I have reflected on the Prayer of St. Francis and I have put it in writing that I want  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 read at my funeral some day and I have written about contrasts before, I will close this set of writings about the Spirituality of Advent with a set of reflections that I will refer to as complementarities rather than contrasts.  I think that what I will offer is a set of things that go together--each having it's time--rather than things that have to be one or the other.  And since I have also written recently about the Beatitudes, I will make eight complementary "there is a time for" statements.

Everything in my search for self-actualization and deeper meaning has its time:
There is a time for seeking that something bigger in the universe,
   and a time for appreciating every little detail of life that goes 
   right on a daily basis;
There is a time for being the biggest help I can be to those around
   me,
   and a time for realizing that ultimately I play only a small role
   in helping a person or changing a person's life;
There is a time for feeling that things like crossing finish lines
   are big accomplishments,
   and a time for realizing that each moment in life--and even each
   marathon--is but a speck of dust relative to the whole of life;
There is a time for seeking to express myself and all that is unique
   about me,
   and a time for conformity and doing things just because that is
   best and I should trust those around me who have done things
   before and not ask questions.
There is a time for drawing attention;
   and a time for realizing that I am but a speck in humanity and
   that humanity is but a speck in the universe and my role is to be
   the best I can be but that I will not change the world in a
   moment;
There is a time for running,
   and a time to realize that running is only one part of my life and
   that many other parts deserve and require attention to keep the
   whole of my life functioning well;
There is a time for seeking to make new connections with
   interesting people,
   and a time to carefully nurture the many connections with
   incredible people I have already; 
There is a time for pondering the meaning of life,
   and a time for acting on the meaning I have found.

Self-Actualization

Yesterday (Sunday, November 10) I had a wonderful day that included a run with a training partner with whom I had not run in three months, teaching about the Beatitudes, preparing a homemade stromboli, and mass.  All four of these are part of what I think about when I consider Maslow's triangle--ranging from shelter, safety, and food up to self-actualization.

In particular, I was thinking about the issue of self-actualization during mass.  The worship band that I played with off and on for seven years, is now down to about seven people--two guitars, a drummer, a piano player, and three singers.  One of the singers does extra percussion sometimes.  And all but the drummer sing.  Still, the group sometimes jokes that it is now "20 More Days" rather than "40 More Days" since it is about half the size it used to be.

As I was singing along with the band as part of the congregation, I was considering whether I miss playing my bass.   I decided that there was really no question.  I do miss playing my bass.  But I also asked, what would I miss more?

Would I miss playing my bass more than teaching Sunday School?  No.

Would I miss playing my bass more than all the baking I do?  No.

Would I miss playing my bass more than running?  No.

On the running issue, yesterday was a particularly good day for running.  I was out on the NCR trail.  The trail was soft and somewhat soggy in places.  The running was soft on the knees and muscles and other joints.  We ran an 8 minute mile pace--a very comfortable pace compared to most of the training we had every done together.  There were colorful fallen leaves on the trail.  I met my training partner just as the sun was rising.  It was a beautiful morning. 

All three of baking, running, and teaching are more important to me than bass playing.  I had to give up something, so I gave up playing bass in the worship band.

Maybe I will return to playing bass at some point.  Maybe just for fun.  Maybe for a worship band again.

Or maybe I will finally learn to play the mandolin.

I guess it is a "first world problem" to have to choose which of several things that could all be important for self-actualization are the ones I will choose to continue and the ones I will choose to give up.

I have only ever commented that running is what I do to reach the top of Maslow's triangle--particularly contrasting it with running for basic safety and food.

As I think about my choice, baking is something that was traditionally for the lowest level of Maslow's triangle.  I am now doing it as part of my self-actualziation as well.  I find myself feeling a sense of fulfillment with my baking.

I also think that I achieve fulfillment in my teaching.  Being involved in the educational process is what I was meant to do in my career and in my work with the church.

It is so interesting to think about how all the pieces of life fit together and what brings fulfillment and what does not.  And what brings more and what brings less.  And how I have made choices and how I will continue to make choices.  It reminds me of the verses in Ecclesiastes about a time for things and a time not for things.  I have determined it is not the time for music.  It continues to be the time for other sings.

So it goes.   

A Church that is "Poorer"

Fr. Sam made sure to point out at mass on Sunday that the Pope will be going to a juvenile detention center on Holy Thursday to celebrate mass and wash feet.  Fr. Sam described this as make our church poorer but richer.  Fr. Same consistently likes to talk about the beatitudes and this is like something straight out of the beatitudes.  The poorness in this case is poor in spirit.  Meek.  Humble.  The richness comes from the rewards that are promised for those who follow in the ways outlined by Jesus in the beatitudes.  I know I am one of many who hopes that this is a sign of more to come from our new Pontiff.