And with your spirit...

Today, my long time running partner asked me to say a prayer for her friend.  I had heard about this friend's pregnancy over time as the friend was having some challenges.  In short, the mother to be had an emergency C-section to deliver twins early yesterday.  The baby boy was okay.  The baby girl died at 11:45 last night.  A terrible tragedy for the child and the family.  So, I said I would keep baby, the mother, and the family in my prayers.  

Later in the afternoon, we went to mass.  After the opening song the priest made a comment about the first reading being from the book of Job.  Job is one of the books of wisdom.  As Father Sam likes to point out these books are not meant as factual accounts but are useful stories to help understand what the ancient Jewish people were struggling with.  In Job, the struggle was with the concept of why terrible things happen to people who haven't done anything wrong.  This was the first amazingly relevant part of today's mass for me.  Clearly, the baby girl who passed away had not done anything wrong.  People of faith often struggle when something like this happens--and obviously this has been a problem for people of faith for millenia.

As mass continued, after the first verse we sang You Answered Me from Psalm 138 for the response.  The refrain talks about "Lord, on the day I called for help, You answered me..."  God is there.  God is healing.  God is forgiving.  And God can bring healing when horrible things happen to good people.

The Gospel was Mark 1:29-39, where Jesus healed the mother-in-law of Simon and then healed many others.  Another sign of a healing and loving God, although, as Father Sam pointed out, Jesus then went to reflect and pray as he realized that just being a "miracle worker" was not the intended role.  Third relevant thing to think about at today's mass as it was a very powerful example of healing.  

Next, the song during the preparation of the gifts was Your Great Name.  In this song, we hear about the lost finding their way, the condemned feeling no shame, and the weak finding their strength.  The term "my Healer" comes up again and again.  More amazing relevance.  

The song during the Eucharist, You Are focused on "Love unfailing, truth unchanging..." and "strength for those in need."  More direct relevance for my afternoon.  

Then, after Eucharist and prior to dismissing the congregation, Fr. Sam quoted two of the Beatitude including "Blessed are those who mourn..."  Father Sam had no idea of what issue I'd heard about earlier in the day.  

Father had challenged us at the start of the mass to continue to spend time thinking about what our baptisms mean.  What our commitment to our faith means.  He commented further than with no one paying attention to the rule to go to church at this point we are seeing only people who are really committed.  But that doesn't mean that everyone has it all figured out.  The people who come are the ones who are seeking to figure it out and then figure out how to live their lives in a way that reflects the Gospel that we preach and listen to.  To conclude this thought, Father Sam shared a thought with us that he had shared before: don't just listen to me on Sunday, watch my actions on Wednesday.  See if he lives out what he speaks about.

And to tie this all back to how it affects me, I had shared with my friend, who is not Catholic, that at the Catholic mass the priest will say "Peace be with you."  And over the past several years the congregation has not answered "And also with you," but instead, "And with your spirit."  Today, my friend's friend needs her spirit healed.  And, so, I pointed this out to my friend and she appreciated the thought a lot.  

For those of us with faith in the God Christians believe in, there is the opportunity to find healing in that faith.  And for me today, I was amazed at how the readings that are set years in advance helped me to see examples of that healing and examples of how I am asked to help live out that healing on a day when I wished for nothing more than healing thoughts for a friend of a friend experiencing the devastation of losing a child.  

Saying a prayer is only a small part of the healing process.  The friend of a friend is lucky to have our mutual friend as a listener and shoulder to cry on.  Perhaps that will be a way for her to begin to heal.

And for me, if I ever wonder whether there is a strong correlation between what I need and what I get at mass, this is one day that I will remember.  I get exactly what I need.  Sometimes I just need to work harder to understand it and realize it.  Today was a shining example.  I hope that my spirit, which is more at ease now than when I first heard about the tragedy for the friend of a friend, can help to heal and lift up others.    

A Choice at the Track

Today’s run tells me a lot about me.  Why? 

Well, today is a Tuesday.  My most typical Tuesday workout is a track workout.  I have done this ever since my first marathon training group summer and fall when we had workouts at the a local college track every Tuesday.  There is nothing  magical about Tuesdays.  Just force of habit ever since then.

And for much of the time since my last formal marathon training group (fall 2011), I have run on the track at the a local high school in Baltimore within site of some of the buildings where I worked for years. 

This practice was put on hold for a while when a local company paid to have the football field resurfaced and built a fence around the combined football field and track.  In the time since, there has been a variety of off and on attempts to provide access to the track.  Usually, there is a city police officer who comes to open the gate for us so that we (and any local community members who care to join us) can run on the track.

Recently, the officer has been late a number of times.  I hear from other friends that he has missed a number of times.  Today, unfortunately, was one of those times. 

I first ran back to my car to put a piece of pie that a friend had brought in my car so I wouldn’t have to carry it if we ran the streets.  I am glad to have friends who find stress relief in baking.  The sweet potato pie made a very nice breakfast after the workout.

Then, when we felt pretty sure that the officer was not going to show, I was taking my windbreaker and hat back to the car.  I ran past two men with whom we sometimes cross paths on the track.  I told them the officer had not shown.  They said, “We just jump the fence.”

So after I put the clothes I did not need in my car, I jogged back to where I’d started and found everyone jumping the fence.  This presented an interesting issue for me.

In Sunday school, I teach kids to follow rules and respect the property of others.  No matter how much I may disagree with the city’s decision to limit access to the field and track, it is school property.

In my job, the registrar is one of my direct reports.  The registrar’s office was once referred to as the last line of defense against chaos.  Why?  Because it enforces rules.

At every step along the way in my job progression since taking the position last April, I have been encouraged to enforce and stick by rules.  Because any broken rule sets a precedent that will come back to haunt me and my office.

I also thought about how I represent the University.  I am someone who is considered a member of the senior leadership.  I was trying to imagine the conversation I would have if the officer showed up and started asking question.  My direct supervisor is the Dean.  I knew that later in the day I would have a meeting at which the University provost might be in attendance.  In either case, I could not imagine trying to explain why I was climbing over a fence at a place that was not my property.  I could not imagine it.

So, despite the pressure of my peers, I decided to do a tempo run alone on the city streets.  I ended up running 7 miles (6.6 at a 7:33 pace which is not really what I aim for in a tempo run but for my first time outside by myself in a while it was not bad) so that now I am up to 83 miles total in two weeks of the new year.  From where I left off yesterday, I would have passed through Mercersberg (a little town from which I knew a runner when I attended the 1985 Pennsylvania Governor’s School for the Sciences).  I would have also passed by the birth place of President James Buchanan.  And I’d still be on Pennsylvania’s route 16, now headed more or less north as the road twists and winds through the southern part of the state.

So, despite all my hemming and hawing about the lack of access to the track and my personal thought of being a “rebel” when it comes to not necessarily doing things by the book, I did not take the opportunity to run on it when others I knew did.  I just stuck with my “law and order” and follow the rules approach to life.  I worried about others’ impressions of me rather than just about my own needs.  Not living on the edge.  Not doing anything out of the ordinary.  Just behaving.  Simply—being a grown up who realizes what risk there is to doing things wrong and who realizes the consequences.  Whose goal is to set an example.  Who could not only not face my boss but also not face my students.  I adjusted what I did.  I am flexible.  I just go with the flow. 

Any surprises in all this?  Not really. 

40 Days to Better: Day 25

Today's run was my first on a treadmill in a while.  Despite the fact that many of my running friends don't like treadmill runs, I got a great workout this morning. I had a half mile warmup and then ran 10K at a 6:40 pace to finish in 41:20.  I believe that is my best ever.  It is a full minute faster than my best track.  And I did run with a slight up incline the whole time.  So, now a bad showing.  

Why did I take the treadmill option?  Well, it was a day when despite my surprising consistency on track runs lately (and my main alternative to the treadmill was a track 10K), I still felt the need for a very controlled experience.  And today that is exactly what I had.  I stayed at the 6:40 pace the whole time, except for a brief time when I sped it up one notch higher (to a 6:35 pace) to make the time even out to an average of 6:40. The treadmill provides the guidance for me and I can focus on my form, on how my legs were feeling, on my breathing, and on my cardio.  And, on how controlled I felt.  

So, it is using a mechanical device to provide guidance so I can focus on any number of other things that will also help me to improve.

So, thinking about how this related to the rest of life on my road to better, I come to another meeting I had with my leadership coach today at which she provided exactly that--guidance.  While this issues are specifically work related, it was a reminder to me that even with six months of leadership at the business school under my belt, I still have plenty of opportunities to learn more about the nuances of leadership.

An interesting side note is that my coach described me as "strangely excited" about the transition to administration when she first met me.  But she also chalked that up to my general optimism toward life.  While she was wondering all along, "Does he know what he is getting himself into?"  Well, I have come a long way.  I am making decisions that are much different and more informed and better than what I would have made six months ago.  I have benefitted from guidance from others.

And, now I am starting to provide the guidance.  Guiding decision making.  Guiding a new direct report who arrived yesterday and is beginning to feel her way around (who had to look in my office to determine where the "personality" is as she thinks of me as having a lot of personality--it turned out that she simply had not looked in the right place to see where all my personal "stuff" was to really understand the interesting things I bring).

And, of course, I have had lots of opportunity to receive guidance about running, guidance about marriage, guidance about education, guidance about parenting, and guidance about any number of others things in life recently and in the past.  So, I take my lesson in understanding the need for guidance in my running this morning, and think of it as a reminder to examine my actions and my needs and to determine where I need guidance and when to seek it in the rest of my life as well.  

Choices

A Haiku about Choices

Those around me find

Some of the choices I make

Challenging to get

Why do I write this haiku?  First of all, I find haiku to be a useful poetry format.  No need for a rhyme but the ideas have to be put in a very concise format.  And I can play with some interesting ideas and ways to express things that may have multiple meanings.  This is not one of multiple meanings.  This is one that relates to the fact people have found some of my choices challenging.  Not that they disagree with them.  Just that they find them hard to understand.  Running a marathon.  Getting a tattoo.  The job change.  Going outside my confort zone on many things in my early 40's.  Why not just keep doing what I've been doing and know well?  And how does all of this help me.  It does not lead to much disagreement.  Just lots of interesting conversation.  With many people in many roles in many different contexts in life.