Changing with the Mood--or Permanent?

Yesterday, I had the great pleasure of attending a meeting regarding ways that numerous not-for-profit and for-profit organizations and some governments and academic researchers could come together to help people all over the world who need glasses (for either distance or reading) get them.  After some introductory comments, the meeting began with a talk by Madeleine Albright and then some questions and answers.  I had not known the story of her pins.  I seem to have missed that over and over again when she was the United Nations Ambassador and Secretary of State.  She told us some of the story of her pins.  What made the most impression on me was the fact that she could change her pins whenever she felt like it.  To fit the mood or tasks of the day.  To match what she needed to do.  Yesterday, she had on three eyeglass pins.  

Today, I ran eight miles on the treadmill.  I am planning on my first return to outside running on Saturday morning.  The eight miles included 4 at 6:40 pace at 4 at 8:00 pace.  Overall 7:20 pace.  With the intervals being one at 8, one at 6:40, 3/4 at 8:00, and repeating the 1 and 3/4 set three more times.  

That was a bit of changing with the mood.  Not actually.  I had planned out the workout very purposefully and specifically.  But it went back and forth.  Probably spent too much time at the slower pace as my heart slowed down quite a bit before picking it back up again.  But it was good.

The eight miles puts me at 281 for the year--over 50 days.  Interestingly, so far this week (Sunday to today), I have run 21.8 miles.  Changeable--the same digits rearranged.  The 281 miles put me still on US 40 in Ohio a bit east of Morristown.  

When I thought about Secretary Albright's approach to her symbolism, I thought about my approach to symbolism.  My tattoo--my main symbolism.

That is not changeable.  It is there forever.  The ideas changed up until I first spoke with the artist.  But then the ideas were there.  Just like my ideas for a second (if ever) continue to evolve.  I am now thinking cornucopia with red eggs (St. Mary Magdalene), bread (my love of baking), and golden apples (my love of teaching) coming out.

My actual tattoo right now does not change, but how I think of the symbolism changes.  And right now, I have to say that my vision of the strong woman helping St. Sebastian is mostly a vision of my wife and all that she has done in taking Christopher to what will be a total of five cities in the last six weeks.  She is a great mom.  

More Strong Women--My Training Partners

This is the fourth day on which I will discuss my tattoo with respect to my experience in and around the Boston Marathon.  Yesterday I spoke about the most important strong woman in my life--my wife.  There are many other strong women in my life--personal and professional. However, when it comes to running, one of the most important groups of strong women is the group of women with whom I train.

It is funny that I never really thought of running as a place to meet a lot of women when I was in high school.  But, the simple fact of the matter is that in my circle of running friends (and at least on  Facebook running friends account for one of every six people on my list), women are a majority.  And among the people I run with most often, women are the dominant majority.

In Back on My Feet, Team Christopher's Place supports gentleman in a work training program.  But most of the non-resident runners who come from the community to run with the guys are women.  And while none of the women from Team CP is one of my most frequent training partners, it is definitely the case that much of the team leadership has been female and those women definitely have shared their energy and enthusiasm for running with the entire team to make running a better experience for all concerned.

But it is not only the women in Back on My Feet who have made a difference.  I can count five women in particular who represent important aspects of my training experience.  They represent how running is an egalitarian sport.  Everyone faces the same course.  Everyone faces the same rules.  Everyone faces the same objective--get to the finish line as quickly as possible given the condition you are in.

The first of the women I will mention is the one with whom I formed a two-person marathon relay team.  She and I called our team "Who's the Mentor?"  The question in this case reflects the fact that I have served as a professional mentor, she has served as a running mentor, and together we have taken each of these issues into other parts of our lives.  In the weekend before the marathon we shared emails in which I credited her for her ability to share her enthusiasm and bring others to do things and she credited me with helping to motivate her and see her through her academic program and then challenged me to strive for greatness at Boston.  Not greatness in the sense of winning against all others but in the sense of being all that I could do.  I think I rose to that challenge on April 15.  Most days when we train together she runs ahead or at least sounds like she is not working as hard based on her steps and her breathing but there are days when I run ahead.  She is an excellent runner and clearly the better runner of the two of us but she is human.  And the strength with the humanity makes clear just how egalitarian running is.  On any given day either one of us might run ahead--although at the end of the day, she has the better personal best times.  She is a leader.  She has run Boston, but not this year.

The second woman who is a consistent training partner is a fellow employee at Johns Hopkins.  She has times that are just about as good as or better than mine at most distances but she points out that her times have been getting worse while mine have been getting better.  I am not entirely sure about that but it is an interesting juxtaposition.  I usually run ahead on the track.  She easily keeps on the occasional long run.  We have never run a race together.   We ponder whether running a race together might help each of us to get a better time.  She has run Boston, but not this year.  While she did not have all the same inspiring words as my relay partner, it was wonderful to speak with her in my second workout after the marathon.

The third woman who is a frequent training partner is someone with whom I have done many track workouts and with whom I have done some tempo workouts and a few long runs.  We have crossed paths in a couple of races.  I fairly consistently run ahead but she is always close enough to me to keep me going and some of her best race times are very close to mine.  I think she is still figuring out what her ultimate running capacity is.  Maybe she will find out in the next couple of years.  She will run Boston next year.  And I imagine we will have a long conversation about the race as she sorts it out afterwards.  Although I hope that her sorting out is all about the run and not about other events on the day as my sorting out has been this year.  

The fourth woman has not run Boston and may never run Boston.  She represents the other end of my running friends.  Not very slow but not someone I would run next to on most workouts.  I would run ahead.  Yet we are good friends and both runners and each respects where he other is.  Each recognizes how far the other has come since we first met.  Each recognizes how wonderful each running experience is and what the other gains.  Running is egalitarian.  Everyone is welcome.  The key is for each person to run the best he or she can and she always does.  Runners can be friends without even running together in some cases.

The fifth woman I will mention is the one I have run with most often.  In the first year of marathon training I thought I would never keep up.  She ran ahead in most every workout and outran my by 12 minutes and some in the actual marathon.  However, by the next year while she still seemed to have the capacity to run ahead we ended up running near similar times.  She and I have been consistent training partners since the summer of 2011.  That was the second year of participation in the Charm City Run training group.  We were well matched.  After that race, neither one of us has gone back to a formal training group, but we have run together.  At least on weekends when we are both in town, when we don't have another race, when we don't have more important kid activities, and when we are healthy.  This means we certainly don't run every weekend.  But we have shared many miles.  We both enjoy early runs--cooler in the summer, gives each of us the rest of the day for our kids.  And we have each achieved our personal bests while training at least some of the time with the other.  Perhaps one day in the future when we are both healthy and ready to race again, we will race together and push each other-not just for a good run through the streets of Towson, Timonium, Lutherville, and Baltimore or the trails by Loch Raven Reservoir or the NCR Trail--but for each of us to achieve the best we ever have in running.  And while she has run a Boston qualifying time, she puts her kids ahead of going to Boston.  Perhaps some day she will have the joy of a Boston experience as well.  Until then we just continue to support each other in our running endeavors.

Do my training partners have to be female?  Of course not.  The people with whom I run most often just happen to be. I could tell stories about five guys just as easily.  The focus on the women I run with is driven by the tattoo imagery.  And it is a matter of when schedules and needs line up.  It is a matter of who I have met in my running experience, who has needed a training partner, and who has been willing to act as a training partner.  Regardless, these five women are five examples of strong women who have had an influence on my running life.  Each hears about a sliver of my personal life and/or professional life as we converse while we run.  

Each was concerned about my safety on April 15--as were many other people.  And, as someone who made it through April 15 safely, I hope not only to grow my personal and professional relationships and activities to be stronger than ever, but I also hope to continue to strengthen all of my running friendships and to make it clear how much I value them.  Every relationship (personal, professional, and running) should be cherished every day--since I never can predict when they will be taken away or when I will be taken away.

A Prayer to St. Sebastian--Protect Me in My Athletic Efforts

This morning I went out for a 14.1 mile run at 5:40 returning at 7:30.  I ran to the zoo and back with a lap around the Druid Hill reservoir.   I have included a picture I took this morning-sights like this make it worth running early in the morning, even if alone.

For a run from 5:40-7:30 in the morning (even at this time of year and on into the summer) I don't tend to use a lot of sunscreen.  But similarly to morning of the Boston Marathon, I did use sunscreen in one place before I went for my run this morning.  I carefully sunscreened the tattoo to preserve the image as carefully as possible.

The five second description of the image is a modern reinterpretation of artwork depicting Saint Sebastian being rescued after being shot by archers--using 1930's Baltimore to guide the skyline and the clothing.  St. Sebastian is the patron saint of athletes in the Catholic church.  When I decided to get a tattoo, this was not my original idea, but as I went through a process of discernment, I was drawn to the symbolism inherent in a patron saint.

I have said prayers asking for intercession from St. Sebastian to God on my behalf (that is the standard approach to invoking a saint in a prayer in the Catholic church as we only pray to honor God but we may pray to particular saints to ask for their intercession on our behalf).  And, much like the several races before the Boston it was a simple prayer.  Asking that I would be blessed to give as much effort in my experience as St. Sebastian had put forth in his experiences and that my experience would  show to glory of God.  I also through in a comment about protecting my health.

Why did I make a comment about protecting my health? There is a risk of death when running a marathon.  It is not high (0.75 per 100,000 runners according to an article at http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2012-05-15/health/bal-marathon-low-deaths_1_marathon-health-benefits-mortality-and-disability).  But it is there and a couple years ago when there was a cluster of marathon related deaths (which we have not seen again since that time) my extended family had been quite worried.

I never imagined the risk to my health that actually did occur that day.  In fact, no on in my running circle had.  I doubt anyone in my family had.  My prayer was a naive one.

When the day was over, I realized just how blessed I was.  Was I protected by my prayer to St. Sebastian?  I will never know.  I ran a good race.  The attackers chose their time to attack for whatever reason they did.  My finish and the time of their attack did not coincide.  Could just have easily been dumb luck or good fortune as anything having to do with a prayer.

But the next time I pray to St. Sebastian before a race I will pray with a different set of risks in my mind.  Will I always pray to St. Sebastian before a race? Probably.  It is difficult to forget the prayer when I have St. Sebastian drawn permanently on my leg.  What risks will I pray for protection from?  Unfortunately, they will always include the risks of a terror attack looking ahead.  And even if it is just all imagination, it is psychologically helpful to think that there is something out there bigger than me--some being, some purpose, some cause--that for whatever reason has protected and continues to protect me in my athletic efforts and efforts in life in general.  

Lesson of the Morning

The lesson I learned from yesterday into today is that the conclusion I draw about the advisability of a choice I am making may depend very importantly on how I am looking at the choice—or where I am looking at it from.  Yesterday, I chose not to run as my head felt very stuffed and I felt very tired.  When I got out of bed, I felt a little better but decided to stick with the decision not to run.

For this morning, I made a decision yesterday not to run with my usual Saturday training partner. That was disappointing as I love the company on the long Saturday runs, but I needed to have the options (a) to run where it is warmer inside at the Y (sometimes it hurts to breath very cold air for a long time, especially when I am not feeling 100%), and (b) to quit if my body told me to.  Both of those point to running on a treadmill inside.

So, this morning, I was lying in bed thinking about whether to run or not.  If I had all the time in the world to just rest, was not training for Boston, and was not motivated to be a “doer” in my running, I probably would have just rolled over one more time (I had already ignored my alarm several times) and slept in until having to take my eight year old to hockey,

Instead I got up to (a) finish making bagels and (b) assess my running options.  With a clearer head and a slightly energized body, I decided to run. 

It emphasizes the importance to me of how sometimes just making a little effort to get started really facilitates the decision to continue.  Never even bothering to start makes it easy not to try.  At least trying makes it so much easier to continue.

I could think of that as part of the physics of inertia and momentum.  I could also think of it as the nature of always being willing to get up and keep going, as embodied by the story of St. Sebastian.  It’s a great day for thinking about the latter as I get the final touch up on my first tattoo today.

Have a great Saturday!

St Sebastian Tattoo Step 3

So, this picture was also added to FB.  It is the first picture taken after the third visit at Have Fun Be Lucky for my tattoo.  Final step planned for January 5.  There is a building unfinished off to the left (around on the back of my calf) and there are some touch-ups to be done.  Much credit goes to Emily for all her work and the entire creative process since our first discussion last February.

The tattoo now has a well defined shaded cloud area that cuts the light post and the addition of color, but what is mostly gray (with some sepia tones) gives the entire tattoo a "darker" appearance.

I like that in general.  Martyrdom is not a happy subject although saintliness is.  And, having someone chained to a lamppost with two arrows through him is not a happy subject either.  The symbolism is all positive.  This creates an interesting contrast.

This is a good weekend for contrasts.  The tragedy in Connecticut at a societal level versus all things good at a personal level.  The readings in the Catholic church this weekend were about shouting for joy and rejoicing in the Lord, followed by questions John the Baptist on "what should we do"?  Certainly and uncertainty?  Joy and bewilderment.  Our priest even worked the  question of "what should we do" into how people might cope with the tragedy in Connecticut--asking what we can do to heal.  As individuals.  As a nation.  As a church.

Life is full of contrasts.  This is simply another weekend in which they are clearer than ever. And another weekend at the end of which I hope for signs of the brighter rather than the darker moving ahead into the future.  Another weekend during which I ponder, the country ponders, and the world ponders.  And a weekend at the end of which I hope that contrasting visions of how to solve the problem can be brought together in a meaningful way with compromise where necessary to make the world a better place and a safe place for all who care.  However, I am not confident that will occur.  I'm not even sure I'm hopeful that will occur.  I know it is possible, but I have seen little evidence to suggest that it is probable.

Do I lose hope?  No--being an eternal optimist.  Yet another contrast.  Such is life.