I believe that at some point in my writing I have made
reference to the explosions occurring at 2:50 PM on April 15. But at least one entry on the web claimed it
was 2:49. Obviously, a debate over
whether it was 2:49 or 2:50 is splitting hairs.
For me, it does not matter which time it was. Other than the fact, that in all my writing
since then, I have measured it as “time since the Boston Marathon
explosions.” So, for me I think of it as
being “beyond Boylston Street at the time of the explosions.”
The 2:49 time led me back to the Bible on more time. One more time searching for meaning to draw
my thoughts and feelings about the race and about the explosion to some type of
conclusion. Trying to find a hopeful
conclusion.
So, I landed in Psalms.
Verses 2-4 in Psalm 9. Reading
from the New American Bible Revised Edition that I have used again and again in
my writing, here is what we find:
I will praise you, LORD, with all my heart;
I will declare all your wondrous deeds.
I will delight and rejoice in you;
I will sing hymns to your name, Most High.
When my enemies turn back,
They stumble and perish before you.
My faith was sustaining me in the time before the
marathon. My faith has continued to
sustain me in the time since the marathon.
My faith tells me that God grants free will. My faith tells me that free will can be used
for good or evil purposes. My faith
tells me to believe that it is my responsibility to continue to work to bring
about good and to believe that there will be eternal consequences for those who
use their free will for evil purposes and who remain unrepentant. My faith reminds me that I, as other followers
of the Catholic and even more Christian faith, are the hands and feet of God
here on earth whose job is to bring this world closer to the kingdom of God.
The kingdom of God is at hand is not and idle prediction of the end of
time. The kingdom of God is at hand is a
recognition of the fact that those of us who follow the faith have a job to do
in making the earth on which we live the kingdom of God. It cannot become like what we imagine the
kingdom to be without our work.
The verses I have chosen reflect my belief that God has done
and continues to do wondrous things. I
should always give him praise. I love to
sing hymns and I always rejoice in what God has to offer.
At mass today, there were several take away messages that
help to move me forward from Boylston Street.
First, it was my youngest son’s first Eucharist. The priest told a long story about how the
sacraments received in the church are a spark but how we should seek to make
sure that we light a fire for ourselves and for our children and all those
coming up in the faith. In that sense,
my continued exploration of my running, my work, my life, my faith, and the
meaning I find in the world is my fire.
But it is still a fire that is mostly within me. To truly help to bring about the wondrous
things that those who are the hands and feet of God here on earth are asked to
bring about, I need to make sure that the fire spreads.
The other take away message from mass was the importance of
forgiveness. Creating forgiveness is
one of the most wondrous things that God ever did. But I, here on earth, have to remember that
it is not only God who forgives, but people who are asked to forgive as well.
The reading at today’s mass (celebrating Pentecost as well
as my youngest child’s first Eucharist) focused on when Jesus addressed his
disciples and told them that the sins they choose to forgive would be
forgiven. The sins that they choose to
hold bound would be held bound.
Jesus was speaking in the sense of having his apostles act
on his behalf to forgive sins in what would become a sacramental manner.
What is interesting is to think about how this related to me
as an individual. The priest at mass today also reminded us that for God who
has no time, we were essentially there in the upper room with Jesus. If I was spiritually in the upper room with
the apostles, what does that mean to me?
In a practical way, I can forgive sins or hold people bound in my heart. Not sacramentally like a priest would, but in
the deepest reaches of my heart and soul.
For my forgiveness, it has less to do with repentance that
the priest’s forgiveness. Why? I am not God.
I am in no position to judge whether someone is truly repentant. I will leave that to God. But for the good of the future of my interaction
with a person and really with the world, I have to forgive. When I choose to hold someone bound for his
or her sins against me, it hurts not just the person who is being held bound,
but it also hurts me.
That realization, that I am being hurt by holding someone
else bound was quite startling.
Much the same way that I talked about wanting to let go and
move beyond, this all comes back to my ability to move beyond. As long as I hold a fellow human being bound
for his or her sins, I limit myself. I
have to be able to say, “I forgive” to even come close to finding the unicorn
and reaching the ultimate finish line that I have reflected on in my past two
entries.
Will granting forgiveness guarantee me a clear path to a
finish line? Probably not. But after the insight I gained from today’s
readings and interpretation by our priest I know that failing to grant
forgiveness will keep me from moving forward.
It is quite cliché but forgiving does not imply
forgetting. I am ready, after 26 essays
to say that I forgive the attackers as individuals who were looking for a way
to make a point and get attention for their cause and who chose a very poor way
of making a point. I will never forget. And I expect some type of earthly consequence
for the living brother. If it were not
for the events, I would have no ill will toward either brother. They are two people of a different faith with
a different set of ideas.
Forgiveness has set me free. And even though I still feel a
bit short of the finish line or finding the unicorn for which I have seen so
many clues, I have now reached a point at which my ill will and anger—at them,
at the situation in the world that leads to such actions, and at the
uncertainty that it created in my life—are basically a small shadow or fraction
of what they once were.
I am ready to move on beyond Boylston Street into mile 27 of
my life with other priorities and other points of focus for the future.
© 2013, Kevin D. Frick
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