When the nearly inevitable guilty verdict in the Boston Marathon bombing case came down last week, I posted on Facebook that I thought I had finally achieved a greater sense of closure.
Then, this morning when I was listening to the news on NPR at 6:20 AM, I heard a familiar voice who is both a colleague and an NPR reader. She led in with one year ago today before proceeding to discuss the anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing from two years ago.
I realized at the moment just how raw my feelings still were.
I shouted at the radio "What the F***?!?" Regardless of who the reader was I could not believe that a trusted news source would incorrectly write the script indicating the wrong anniversary of the bombing.
Then, I wondered. Could I have heard it wrong? Could I have misperceived what was said? After all, I hadn't been listening all that closely to the news.
Then I stopped and concentrated on driving rather than on the news or on my hurt feelings. It was an easy couple of minutes to the grocery store and I calmed down.
But I had one clear realization. My 26 healing essays of two years ago. The many miles I had put in immediately after the Boston Marathon including a crazy number in the first week of the marathon. The 2222.2 miles last year. The best marathon I'd ever run. And a winter and spring of running with three close friends, especially one getting ready for her own spring marathon, had not cleared my mind of the event.
It was a reminder of why, in addition to the unusual 10 AM starting time, I didn't need or even really want to go back to the Boston Marathon again. Despite many great friends who run it multiple years in a row, Despite the excitement. I don't need that stress.
I should probably not even listen to anything having to do with sentencing.
At this point, I just need to move past.
But no matter how close to forever moving past I thought I was--this morning I quickly realized I wasn't.
How odd. And how unexpected.
Then, this morning when I was listening to the news on NPR at 6:20 AM, I heard a familiar voice who is both a colleague and an NPR reader. She led in with one year ago today before proceeding to discuss the anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing from two years ago.
I realized at the moment just how raw my feelings still were.
I shouted at the radio "What the F***?!?" Regardless of who the reader was I could not believe that a trusted news source would incorrectly write the script indicating the wrong anniversary of the bombing.
Then, I wondered. Could I have heard it wrong? Could I have misperceived what was said? After all, I hadn't been listening all that closely to the news.
Then I stopped and concentrated on driving rather than on the news or on my hurt feelings. It was an easy couple of minutes to the grocery store and I calmed down.
But I had one clear realization. My 26 healing essays of two years ago. The many miles I had put in immediately after the Boston Marathon including a crazy number in the first week of the marathon. The 2222.2 miles last year. The best marathon I'd ever run. And a winter and spring of running with three close friends, especially one getting ready for her own spring marathon, had not cleared my mind of the event.
It was a reminder of why, in addition to the unusual 10 AM starting time, I didn't need or even really want to go back to the Boston Marathon again. Despite many great friends who run it multiple years in a row, Despite the excitement. I don't need that stress.
I should probably not even listen to anything having to do with sentencing.
At this point, I just need to move past.
But no matter how close to forever moving past I thought I was--this morning I quickly realized I wasn't.
How odd. And how unexpected.
