40 Days to Better: Day 29

Today, I ran only 2.3 miles.  A very short recovery run.  As I noted on Facebook this morning with only an 8 mile run at only an 8 minute pace, I really didn't have much to recover from.  In any case, the run felt very good and I am ready for a great (hopefully) track workout tomorrow morning.

Today, a friend posted on Facebook a picture of a piece of paper ripped around the edges with the following words written on it: "One of the hardest decisions you'll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder."

This is an interesting thing to consider.  Specifically, there are a lot of times when just walking away might be easier.  A test of character is when there is a choice.

When a person could walk away.  When a person could throw in the towel.  There may be many temptations to leave something behind.  When it would be simpler and less time consuming just to give up.

It can be a lot harder to carry on.  To try harder.  To work to make things work.

It is a challenge.

It takes guts.

It takes a lot of effort.

It takes caring.

It takes consideration.

I am not perfect.

But I try.

And I continue to try harder. 

40 Days to Better: Day 28

On day 28, I feel like I am entering into the home stretch of this 40 day period that I have designated as 40 Days on the Road to Better. This morning was another very pleasant morning for an 8 mile run.  During the run I saw the clouds colored pink on the underside on the eastern horizon at one point and the horizon itself colored a brilliant yellow-orange a bit later.  It was a wonderful and relaxing run that allowed me to get my stresses out and come home feeling that things are right in the world.

Thinking about the warm feelings associated with the pink and orange colors I saw in the sky this morning, I want to combine two themes.  One is being thankful--or more precisely showing gratitude.  The other is my Dean's favorite expression, "More, better, faster" (what he always wants his management team to focus on) or the Olympic motto, "Citius, Altius, Fortius" or "Faster, Higher, Stronger." 

For gratitude, there is a video on Upworthy that I saw someone post. I have not gone to the source of the original article, but the video describes an experiment that was done.  I will summarize.  The experiment involved administering an instrument to measure happiness (however that might be done).  Then, people were asked to think of someone to whom they were grateful.  Then they were asked to write about it.  Then they were asked to call the person to tell them.  Then the instrument to measure happiness was readministered, although with the questions and order changed just enough to not be recognized as the same instrument.  The gist of the findings.  People who did not complete the call were a little happier.  People who did complete the call were a lot happier  The people who gained the most happiness were the least happy to begin with.  Pretty amazing stuff.

It is a great feeling to validate my efforts over time to tell people how grateful I am for what they have done for me.  A guidance counselor.  A teacher.  A parent.  A professor.  A mentor.  A colleague.  A coach.  My wife.  And the biggest difference it seems to make is when I am feeling down.

So where do "more, better, faster" and "citius, altius, fortius" come in?  Well, it is part of being on the road to better.  There is always room for improvement.  Always room to get better.  Always room for more.  Always room to make sure I tell people about my gratitude sooner to the time they actually do the thing for which I am grateful.

Gratefulness doesn't have to be "stored up" and then poured out all at once.  It can make a big impact when I do something like that.  And I may still do something like that even if I express gratitude as I go along.  But it is also important to express gratitude on a daily basis.  For me to thank people for the little things.  For me to share the joy of thanking people  Because ultimately, saying thank you brings me joy.

I don't know whether other people find the same joy in saying thank you.  Perhaps this scientific study suggests that many other people actually do.  I sure hope so.  And I hope that I can follow my own advice to raise the bar on my thankfulness and bring that joy to myself and to others. 

40 Days to Better: Day 27

Yesterday when I was running, I thought about the gray skies I was running under.  And yesterday, I wrote about making sure that I don't end up bringing what might be gray in one part of my life to other parts of my life.

Today, I continue with that theme a bit.  That is a bit more of a direct tie between two days of writing than I usually have.  However, I see it as logical since I ran another 4 miles (just backwards on the same course as yesterday) under clouds.

Specifically, today I am thinking about being on the road to better for a lot of different things at once.  When I began the 40 days to better there were 40 days between a day on Labor Day weekend (when I had not run for four days) and the Baltimore Running Festival.  So, I was mostly thinking of 40 days to better running.  But I also wanted to think about 40 days to being better at a whole bunch of things.

Each day when I write, I have written about running and marriage and work and friendship and parenting and a whole bunch of other things that maybe get mentioned once or twice.

But can I really hope to make myself better at everything? The answer to that may be no.

Of course, there are some general principles that I can follow.  More follow through.  More reliability.  More listening.  More being done on time.  All good.  All help all aspects of my life.

But maybe, thinking like the economist that I am, I have to make tradeoffs.  I hope not.  Thinking about having to make tradeoffs in what I become better at is not a fun idea.

But if I don't, I may have to ask, "What does getting better in one area cost in terms of changes in another area?"

If I focus on improving at work will I lose in family life?

If I focus on improving on family life, will I lose on fitness?

If I focus on improving on fitness, will my Sunday school teaching go down hill?

I could pose tradeoffs between any combination of two things that I want to improve.

The key is to find the right combination.  Recognizing that more is better for each one.  My boss likes to say "More, better, faster."  Can I do all three of those or will choosing any one or two meant that I can't do the other or others?  Trying to improve each one.  Trying to avoid having to give up too much of one to get another.

I can think of what it means to be a better person.  Does that have to mean being better at everything?  In an ideal world, yes.  However, that may simply not be possible.

So, I have to carefully (and sometimes prayerfully or at least with spiritualism in mind) consider what the tradeoffs mean.

40 Days to Better: Day 26

Today I ran 4 miles at just over an 8 minute per mile pace. After getting up and still having to wash some dishes, it was just nice to be able to go out and get in a little bit of time on the road.  And I always enjoy just getting out to clear my mind before a day at work.

As I ran this morning, I looked up and noticed that there were clouds in the sky.  We have had not many cloudy mornings recently so the clouds caught my attention.  And while it is only very early fall, I mentioned to my boys when we road in the car this morning (17 year old driving his two younger brothers to school and me to work so that the 17 year old could keep the car for the day) the old Mamas and Papas song California Dreaming.  "All the leaves are brown, and the sky is gray..."  When I mentioned the line from the song, my 17 year old commented on how depressing that sounded.

He was right.  I think it was intended to be a reminder of not so happy things.

And that brings me to my thought for the day.  This is not so much a real insight or something that I need to do on the road to better.  Instead, this is something that I realize I have to watch out for and avoid on the road to better.

Will there be gray days?  Sure.  Not just in the clouds in the sky but also in life.

Gray days in marriage.  But plenty of bright sunny days too.

Gray days at work.

Gray days in teaching classes. 

Gray days in friendships.

Gray days in parenting.

Some gray days of running--although I have been blessed to be in top form lately.

What do I need to avoid?  Every gray day?  No, certainly not.  Impossible to do in any case.

What I need to avoid is bringing the gray from one facet of my life into other areas.

A gray run should not lead to a gray day at work.

A gray day at work should not lead to a gray family evening.

A gray day in a friendship should not make the rest of my activities for the day gray.

Will there be some carry over?  Almost certainly.  Life works that way.  It is hard to shield any one area from all others.

What is possible is to make sure to shield as much as possible.

What is possible is to recognize when one area of my life is "gray" and needs to be kept under control.

What is possible is to do everything in my capacity to avoid bringing the problems of the day home with me.

We will see how good I can be at that as I move ahead on the road to better. 

40 Days to Better: Day 25

Today's run was my first on a treadmill in a while.  Despite the fact that many of my running friends don't like treadmill runs, I got a great workout this morning. I had a half mile warmup and then ran 10K at a 6:40 pace to finish in 41:20.  I believe that is my best ever.  It is a full minute faster than my best track.  And I did run with a slight up incline the whole time.  So, now a bad showing.  

Why did I take the treadmill option?  Well, it was a day when despite my surprising consistency on track runs lately (and my main alternative to the treadmill was a track 10K), I still felt the need for a very controlled experience.  And today that is exactly what I had.  I stayed at the 6:40 pace the whole time, except for a brief time when I sped it up one notch higher (to a 6:35 pace) to make the time even out to an average of 6:40. The treadmill provides the guidance for me and I can focus on my form, on how my legs were feeling, on my breathing, and on my cardio.  And, on how controlled I felt.  

So, it is using a mechanical device to provide guidance so I can focus on any number of other things that will also help me to improve.

So, thinking about how this related to the rest of life on my road to better, I come to another meeting I had with my leadership coach today at which she provided exactly that--guidance.  While this issues are specifically work related, it was a reminder to me that even with six months of leadership at the business school under my belt, I still have plenty of opportunities to learn more about the nuances of leadership.

An interesting side note is that my coach described me as "strangely excited" about the transition to administration when she first met me.  But she also chalked that up to my general optimism toward life.  While she was wondering all along, "Does he know what he is getting himself into?"  Well, I have come a long way.  I am making decisions that are much different and more informed and better than what I would have made six months ago.  I have benefitted from guidance from others.

And, now I am starting to provide the guidance.  Guiding decision making.  Guiding a new direct report who arrived yesterday and is beginning to feel her way around (who had to look in my office to determine where the "personality" is as she thinks of me as having a lot of personality--it turned out that she simply had not looked in the right place to see where all my personal "stuff" was to really understand the interesting things I bring).

And, of course, I have had lots of opportunity to receive guidance about running, guidance about marriage, guidance about education, guidance about parenting, and guidance about any number of others things in life recently and in the past.  So, I take my lesson in understanding the need for guidance in my running this morning, and think of it as a reminder to examine my actions and my needs and to determine where I need guidance and when to seek it in the rest of my life as well.  

40 Days to Better: Day 24

Today was not a day for running.  Did I plan for it to start that way?  Not really.  I had only thought about running 4, 5, or 6 miles but in the end there were too many other things to do.  And along the way through today, I had the opportunity to make an impression on people.  Is that necessarily a good thing?  Maybe--as long as I get people's attention for the right reason and when I need to.

I started the day preparing two loaves of pumpkin bread using an online recipe.  The recipe was one that I had made several times last fall but had not made since then.  The kids enjoyed the recipe and I took one loaf to work.  A colleague told me it was the talk of the staff this morning.  Perhaps it was just to flatter someone with a high level administrative position.  But she did ask for the recipe, too.  That was a nice way to make an impression on colleagues.

Second, the pizza dough that I made this morning.  It was half whole wheat.  It has a chance to rise for more than an hour before I went to work and rather than refrigerating it, I left it out all day.  So, thanks to some help from my seventeen year old, we had a pizza with sour dough like crust that was a bit more flavorful than normal topped with a combination of ricotta, Parmesan, and mozzarella.  It was really yummy.  And even Sherry said that it was exceptionally good--especially the cheese.  I make pizza all the time, but it was nice to get a compliment about the quality of the white pizza.

Finally, after an issue at work today, I sent an email to a colleague using a subject line that was stronger than I usually use.  This was one way to get the attention of a colleague whose attention I needed in a relatively immediate way.  She even commented that my choice of subject lines was certainly enough to get someone's attention.  I commented back that after six months at my new job, I had learned how to communicate with people in a way to get their attention when needed.  The subject was one for which I wish I did not have to draw my colleague's attention.  But I knew how to get it effectively.

So, in one day I had three specific mentions of getting people's attention.  Two were very positive and just by good fortune.  One was negative but necessary and effective.  Using the skill of getting people's attention is valuable.  It is important in the workplace.  It is important with students.  It is important in family life.  It is important when I teach Sunday school.  So many situations.  So many needs for people's attention.  So many ways to get people's attention.  And a skill that I can usefully continue to improve.     

40 Days to Better: Day 23

Today, my run was 6x1600 at 6:30 pace.  Me and my buddy Brian ran then all between 6:28 and 6:32.  And most of our laps varied little from the 97-99 second pace that we were trying to hold.  A little fast every here and there and maybe one or two lagged behind to 100 seconds, but we made it up to run the six at that pace.  A friend said I was training like a beast.  I mostly think I am following my buddy's plan for a full marathon at 2:55 when it comes to track workouts.  Next week the challenge will be 4x2400 instead of 6x1600.  We'll see what we can do.

In any case, over the last eight days, I have run 3x1600 fast and with consistency, a slow 7, a fast 10K, a fast 10 miles, a very slow 4 miles (for me), and a 6x1600 that was solid and consistent.  What is the lesson.  Contrasts.

I was pondering this as I ran yesterday.  Yes, I wrote about something else for yesterday's entry.  But I was pondering the concept of contrasts.  In our culture what do contrasts make me think of?  Very traditional weddings--for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.  A couple getting married proclaims their willingness to stay together through contrasting times.  And it can be challenging to do so.

My running training these days also has contrasts.  I suppose the phrasing would be "in faster runs and in slower runs."  In my "long term relationship" with running there will be faster and slower.  Injuries and perfect health.  Days when I'm tired and days when I feel great!  And everything in between.

This is really true of all things with which I have a long-term relationship when I think about it.  my running.  My marriage.  Many of my friendships.  My work.  My cooking (hotter and colder, better and worse, etc.)  Even something as simple as my relationship with my pets--although at least when it comes to my dog that is one with almost constant affection.  Still, even she is "hyper and calm" at different times.

Contrasts can be good.  Contrasts can be instructive.  Contrasts are an important part of the expectations in any long-term relationship.  Knowing that going in can make for much better outcomes.