The Spirit of a Hug (A Nuanced Acrostic)

A treadmill gives no hugs when I am done

An hour workout consisting of a run.

Repeated many times while I’m away

Alone for work a week and sev’ral days.

A time without even a brief embrace

Celebrating togetherness in space

And thought and sound and sight and smell and feel

Is something that I wish was not for real.

To hold a friend for even just a blink

Yields understanding not needing to think

A generosity that’s quite intense

A spirit shared—not needing to make sense.

The spirit of a hug just needs to be

A chance for two to join in harmony

Of saying, “I am present for you here.

I share the vision that you hold so dear.

In life, to have peace and serenity

With help from those who stick around with me.”

Perceptions

So, today I put in 7 more treadmill miles running a progression workout that is starting to feel like second nature.  Since I have done the same workout each of the last three weeks (the only way I could make it even more similar to make a scientific comparison from one week to the next would be to try to use the same treadmill), I can notice what is different.  Last night I had a huge dinner with colleagues I'm visiting at Arizona State.  I got more sleep because what was 8 PM for them was 11 PM for me and then I slept till the time I normally awaken.  Different mixture of types of liquids I drank yesterday, including a very nice pint of local IPA nut brown ale.  The workout felt good.  And I had my breathing in the cooldown mile back to no harder than it had been in my warmup after about 3/4 of a mile at 8:00/mile pace.  (And, yes, I know that I count myself blessed for considering that pace a cool down pace.)  

In any case, the 7 miles this morning put me at 500 miles on my first pair of Brooks Launch shoes.  They have treated me well.  501 miles in 88 days.

And it puts me at 619 miles for the year.  That puts me on E Atwater street in Bloomington Indiana.  Having been born near Ohio State, attended Penn State and Michigan, teaching at Hopkins (relevant for Big 10 lacrosse) and living relatively near the University of Maryland (a coming attraction for Big 10 sports), it is cool to be there.  I had been to another part of IU before professionally, but that took me to their health sciences campus in Indianapolis.  This trip was never intended to be a tour of the Big 10, but it is fun to reflect.

And this continues to be a week to reflect.  Even with all I wrote on Tuesday, I have continued to think about the Boston marathon last year and this year and the image I have of myself.  A lot of that image is built around me as "runner".  Of course, I also have me as husband, me as father, me as son and brother and all the other familial "me as".  Then there is me as faculty, me as Vice Dean, me as Sunday school teacher.  Me as baker.  Me as community member.

So many different images.

These images are perceptions.  What really stands out in my mind from the Boston marathon ending last year is the images that my two buddies and I (along with many others) experienced.  The images of emergency vehicles rushing like mad past the T (subway) stop that we were forced off at and toward the finish line.  Images that we saw on the television in the lobby of the hotel.  Images that we saw on the television as we showered and prepared to head back to Baltimore.  Images of physical hurt.  The images that brought such emotionally charged hurt--and uncertainty--and bitterness--and fear--and loyalty.

Loyalty, you ask?

Loyalty to a cause.  Loyalty to the human spirit.  Loyalty to the identity of runners--never stop.  Of Americans--always striving.  Of what we build our entire sense of being around.

And then I think of the images others have of me.  Perfect at anything?  Hardly.  Not a perfect husband.  Not a perfect Dad.  Just doing my best.

This week started when a friend posted a picture of the music leader at our church who passed away earlier this year and conveyed her image of him--while he was alive and what she hoped he was seeing and doing now.  I wondered how I might be thought of.

This week has brought that out in ways I never expected.  I am thankful for the situations that helped make that clear.  And I am thankful for friends and family who express themselves.

My wife and I who do not always see eye to eye but have been brought closer together by all that we have had to do to facilitate our oldest son's decision on college which now must be made within two weeks.

My oldest son who does occasionally tell us how much he appreciates what we do but who more often than not simply shows it by his actions.  

My younger two who do express their appreciation for any number of things.

My one training partner who shared with me her disappointment that she seems to have yet another injury.  Runners are there for each other.

Another training partner who expressed her concern for me because of one surprising change in behavior regarding Tuesday workouts.  Runners notice little things.

Another training partner who called me mentor.  I have had individuals whom I have formally mentored.  This was an organic evolution of two runners that has become one of mentoring.  

A coach called me the picture of dedication.  

Two friends and community leaders who called me inspiring.  Each in his own way.

And it is the last that may have surprised me most.  I have known Russell since I ran the Heather Hurd 5K in November of 2011.  At this point other than the fact that it was a 5K in memory of someone who was lost much to0 early as a result of someone else's distracted driving, I don't for the life of me recall how I found out about that particular race.  It has now become an annual event for me and I hope to run again this year.  Over time, I've gotten to know Russell and his wife.  I've seen how much they have made an end to distracted driving their passion.  They inspire me.  Yet, he called me inspiring as well.   He has turned his grief into a positive--although the grief never goes away.  Now, he has seen my search for meaning in numbers.  This year my virtual pilgrimage.  And as he continues to work on his own fitness, he has also decided to turn it into a virtual walk/jog/run across the country and think of ending distracted driving in all the places he passes by.

I don't expect to start a movement of virtual pilgrimages.  I do think that it wonderful to know that others find what I am doing interesting and a useful way to explore their own need for meaning.

My meaning comes from accomplishment--and putting it in the context of things that are quantifiable and numeric and what I consider the meaning of life.

I only hope that over time I can continue to be what others think of me already and better.  And that my accomplishments are just as high for family as for work and running.  

Revisiting the Treadmill

At the start of last week, I wrote that I hoped for a full week of outdoor workouts.  I came close this last week, but not quite.  It was too cold to run outside safely on Friday morning.  So, instead, I revisited the treadmill.

On Friday, I did a "tempo on the treadmill" type of workout with 1 mile warmup at an 8 minute pace, followed by 3.5 miles at just under a 7 minute pace, followed by 1 mile at a 6:40 pace (approximately), and concluding with another mile at my warmup pace.  That was good.

Where was I at the end of Friday on my virtual pilgrimage?  (It is now Sunday and I have a couple runs to catch up on.)  Well, I was at 333.5 miles.  I would just be continuing down US 40/US 22 and would have passed the National Road Zane Grey Museum.  I am not quite to Zanesville yet.  Continuing through some fairly open territory.

What does the concept of "revisiting" make me think of?

Well, to begin, a friend posted a picture of me from 1987 on social media last week.  It was a fun picture of me and two classmates in the Superintendent's office of my school district.  One day each year, select students from the senior class had an opportunity to shadow some of the district leadership.  That included myself shadowing the superintendent, and two classmates shadowing an assistant superintendent and the administrative assistant in the office.  It was a lot of fun and the picture brought back some great memories.  What is really interesting is for me to think about ending up in academic administration all these years later.  I would not necessarily have predicted that.

Second, it makes me think of revisiting the topic of how I view running and what I told my advisee.  I find that the term liberating is useful.  Liberating in the sense of the freedom to enjoy being myself.  The freedom to use the legs that God gave me on the earth that God gave me to explore.

Third, it makes me think of what I reveal to others and how revealing things over and over leads to a reputation which leads to interesting connections.  I was given a fabulous bread cookbook by a colleague last week because she knows much I love to bake and I visited and revisited that with colleagues on numerous occasions.

Finally, there was an interesting incident of revisiting last week.  Specifically, we were revisiting a topic for negotiation between the school at which I serve as Vice Dean and one of other  other schools within the University.  I was forced to revisit the situation.  I was forced to revisit how I handle delicate situations in the workplace in general.  I was forced to revisit whether I have a rpoblem managing my temper with coworkers in some cases.  There is a lot to revisit.

Considering (visiting for a first time).  Doing.  Evaluating (revisiting).  And modifying is how I approach so many things in life.

    

A Run in the Fitness Room During a Day at a Hotel in Philadelphia

For a work trip, I traveled from Baltimore to Philadelphia by train on Thursday evening.  Got to the hotel around 10.  Late but not too bad.  Got checked in and found that the first room to which I was assigned was only 58 degrees.  I like my rooms chilly but not that much.  So, by the time someone came to check on the situation and my room was reassigned it was nearly 11.  Not so good.  But not a bad tradeoff.  I had a restless night sleeping and then got up to run.  I think this is the first night this year that I didn't write on the day I ran.

In any case, I went 8 miles at a 7:30 pace (the cardio machines in the fitness room at the hotel only let a person have up to 60 minutes at a time) and then followed that with another 2.1 at 8:00 pace.  Felt great.  And despite the cold that I have I felt much better after the run than before.  Nose still running.  But could breathe much better.

Breakfast at the hotel was the slowest hotel restaurant service I've ever experienced.  Had a chance to read and answer emails.  So not totally bad. And a nice cheese and vegetable 3 egg omelette with toast and potatoes.

Where does the 10.1 miles put me?  At 148 for the year.  So despite the fact that I have taken Saturday off (rare, but necessary to join my wife and oldest for a trip to College Park for the oldest to audition for French Horn) and I might also take Sunday off, I am now worried about mileage at all.

Where does the 148 put me?  Well, it puts me approximately 2 miles before Dunmeyer Auto Services along US-30 where Lincoln Highway turns off and I will leave US-30 behind.  

What would I have seen along the 10 miles?  Mostly farms and trees.  I could not imagine actually running along there at this time of year with the snow we have had.  Even the city streets are a bit tricky at the moment.  The road is a bit twistier than most other parts so far.  I can't tell from the map whether that reflects the road being built to the contours of the land but knowing roads in Pennsylvania it probably does.  There is a Route 30 Antiques shop.  There is a Subway a bit to the north on Rock Cut Rd (PA 160).  Parts of life in America.  Parts of our great country.  I'll have a lot more to explore as I continue to move ahead toward 2000 miles.      

A Workout in Three Acts

Today it was very cold this morning.  Some of my running friends went out for a run despite the cold.  Others stuck with a treadmill workout.  I took the treadmill today although I hope to get in 4-6 outside early tomorrow--sticking to the major and cleared streets to be safe and not risk ice and falling.

When I got done my workout I was stretching a bit in the long hallway at the Towson Family Y and a friend I know from a formal training group organized by Charm City Run that I was part of several years ago came over and asked what I was training for.  She is training for the Houston Half Marathon.  When I told her I am not training for anything in particular, she asked, "So you just like torturing yourself?"  I answered that I just like to maintain a working base.  

How much of a base?  I had thought about running 16 today.  I ended up with 14.  For my virtual running pilgrimage where would this put me?  Finished 22 miles.  It would be on Old Westminster Pike in Finksburg MD.  And it would be not long after a turn on MD 140 passing by Little Vinnie's Tattoos.  That is not where I got my tattoo but is a place I've seen on numerous trips out MD 140 to places like a bed and breakfast at which Sherry and I have stayed multiple times or on the way to drop Joshua off for his summer camp with the Maryland State Boychoir.  So, I am still looking at places that are familiar to me and that provide easy links to understand how this relates to my life.

The other interesting thing was that today's workout was really a workout in three acts. The three pictures show it all.  For the first hour, I ran the 8 minute miles that were very familiar to me while I was on vacation with my family.  No complaints there.  Just nice and steady work.  I enjoyed those miles but knew that given what I was going to do for the rest of the day, I would have to pick up the pace a little bit if I wanted to meet the 16 mile goal that I had set for myself.  If I were running this on the road, this would have put me along Butler Rd.  

Since the treadmill only goes for a maximum of one hour, I had to restart the treadmill and with the restart, I tried to pick up the pace a bit.  To do that, I set the treadmill for 8.5 miles per hour instead of 7.5 miles per hour and managed to maintain it for 30 minutes.  That was another 4.25 miles.  At that point I would have  been somewhere along MD 140 heading to the final point I mentioned earlier.  Key thing at this point was that I could feel something in the back of my right thigh beginning to tighten up.  Since I am not training for any races in the immediate future, I decided that no matter how much longer I was going, running a tempo or near tempo pace for 4.25 miles was sufficient for today.

I took the pace back down to 7.5 miles per hour (the 8 minute mile again) and ran another 2.25 miles in 18 minutes to bring myself up to a total of 14 miles.  Finishing there rather than pushing ahead seemed like the best thing to do.  It was learning to say that while the tightening was not enough to force me to stop, it was enough to tell me to stop.  That is something that I think comes with maturity in running.  Don't push when I don't need to.  Accept limitations.  Look ahead to what will come later after (more miles, more races, and hopefully remaining free of serious injury) rather than only looking at today--wanting the 16 miles.  

To think back to the idea of three acts, I would say that the first act was patience, the second act was attitude, and the third act was introspection. 

The Spirituality of Advent, Day 3, Week 3

Today's workout on the treadmill at the hotel in London was another 6.2 miles at an 8 min/mile pace.  Nice and easy for me.  I realized once again last nice when speaking with a colleague from the Vision Impact Institute that what is easy for me is not necessarily easy for everyone else.  I have to remember that 8 minutes per mile is about 5 minutes per kilometer or 12 kilometers per hour.  And I consider that just a nice, comfortable workout. My colleague was talking about running at most 10 kilometers per hour.  And she noted that she felt much more comfortable running 9 kilometers per hour.  (She thinks in kilometers per hour because she is from France.)  I told her there is nothing wrong with that.  The key is just getting out there and doing something.  She is in training for a 15 kilometer race in February.

This morning, I realized again the pure joy of running and why it is so important to me.  The sign on the fitness room said 24/7. So I went at just past 5:30.  My key card didn't open the door.  So I went to the front desk and was told that someone would have to come open it for me because it was before 6 AM.  I didn't realize that it would be considered early.  And for the entire 49:36 I was running, no one else entered the fitness room.  It is always interesting to me to see how few people use the fitness rooms at some hotels where I stay.  There is a big difference between US hotels and non-US hotels.  Much more activity in US hotels than non-US, at least in my experience.  I don't know if that means American enjoy exercise more.  Or maybe Americans do more exercise--enjoyed or forced.  It is just an observation.  And I am one of the those who really enjoy running.

So, I enjoyed my run.  If I didn't, I would not spend the time.  I would not go out of my way to get the fitness room door open.

People ask me what I do when I run on the treadmill.  Lots of mental math.  How far have I run?  How many minutes left?  How many seconds left?  How much distance left?  When will I get to the next milestone-whatever a "milestone" might be?  And I check my breathing.  And I check my stride.  And I look around.  I take in the world.  I think about what I will write.  I think about the next run.  I think about family.  I think about work.  My mind wanders.  

And most of all I thank God for the gift of running.

And I realize how my running is connected to the running of so many others today.  And so many others in the past.  And our human ancestors.  Another part of being something "bigger".  A long history of people who run.  Run to race.  At high schools.  In colleges.  In the olympics.  Run to catch dinner.  Run to be safe.  A whole history.  Survival.  Enjoyment.  

Life.

Spirit.  

40 Days to Better: Day 25

Today's run was my first on a treadmill in a while.  Despite the fact that many of my running friends don't like treadmill runs, I got a great workout this morning. I had a half mile warmup and then ran 10K at a 6:40 pace to finish in 41:20.  I believe that is my best ever.  It is a full minute faster than my best track.  And I did run with a slight up incline the whole time.  So, now a bad showing.  

Why did I take the treadmill option?  Well, it was a day when despite my surprising consistency on track runs lately (and my main alternative to the treadmill was a track 10K), I still felt the need for a very controlled experience.  And today that is exactly what I had.  I stayed at the 6:40 pace the whole time, except for a brief time when I sped it up one notch higher (to a 6:35 pace) to make the time even out to an average of 6:40. The treadmill provides the guidance for me and I can focus on my form, on how my legs were feeling, on my breathing, and on my cardio.  And, on how controlled I felt.  

So, it is using a mechanical device to provide guidance so I can focus on any number of other things that will also help me to improve.

So, thinking about how this related to the rest of life on my road to better, I come to another meeting I had with my leadership coach today at which she provided exactly that--guidance.  While this issues are specifically work related, it was a reminder to me that even with six months of leadership at the business school under my belt, I still have plenty of opportunities to learn more about the nuances of leadership.

An interesting side note is that my coach described me as "strangely excited" about the transition to administration when she first met me.  But she also chalked that up to my general optimism toward life.  While she was wondering all along, "Does he know what he is getting himself into?"  Well, I have come a long way.  I am making decisions that are much different and more informed and better than what I would have made six months ago.  I have benefitted from guidance from others.

And, now I am starting to provide the guidance.  Guiding decision making.  Guiding a new direct report who arrived yesterday and is beginning to feel her way around (who had to look in my office to determine where the "personality" is as she thinks of me as having a lot of personality--it turned out that she simply had not looked in the right place to see where all my personal "stuff" was to really understand the interesting things I bring).

And, of course, I have had lots of opportunity to receive guidance about running, guidance about marriage, guidance about education, guidance about parenting, and guidance about any number of others things in life recently and in the past.  So, I take my lesson in understanding the need for guidance in my running this morning, and think of it as a reminder to examine my actions and my needs and to determine where I need guidance and when to seek it in the rest of my life as well.