Evolving

Yesterday's workout was a workout on the track.  My training partner of the day wanted to do 5x1600.  Having arrived a little late (despite only doing 800M of warmup), I could not manage 5x1600, so we decided to do 2x3200 + 1600 with a quarter mile between each.  Combine that with a half mile to start and a half to finish, and I did 6.5 miles.  (She did another half as she'd arrived a bit earlier and ran two extra warmup laps with the rest of our Tuesday morning group.)  In any case, we ran a slow 7:03 to start but then ran just under 7 (ending around 6:48 for the 1600) for the other intervals.  That was the most under control track workout I had done in a long time.  Yes, a challenge to my system to speed back up to 7 minute miles after a week of long mileage at 8:30-9 min/mile.  But not so much of a challenge as when I had been doing 6:20's or 6:30's.  And it was amazing, as always, to watch one guy who ran 3x3200 with each mile being at sub-6 pace.

So, this puts me another 6.5 miles west on US 22/Ohio 3 and I am approaching Cincinnati proper.  This has been a really long way on US 22--similar to spending a lot of time on US 40 earlier in this virtual trip.  It would be fascinating to run it in reality to see the ways a road changes and evolves as it moves west across the country.

That sense of evolution is what I want to write about today. Sunday's entry was written before mass.  And I have run only once since mass on Sunday, so I will go back to the reading.  At St Pius X at the 10:30 mass, they did the long version of the reading.  It was from the Gospel of John, Chapter 4, verses 5-42.  It was a long reading.  I don't recall the church ever doing an "interactive multi--person reading" except on Palm Sunday in the past.  But this reading used a narrator, one reader for the woman from Samaria whom Jesus asked to get a drink, and the priest reading Jesus's part.  I mostly remember from the homily the priest talking about how the woman evolved in her relationship with Jesus in this brief interaction from first referring to him simply as a Jew (fear of the unknown), to then calling him sir (recognizing his humanity as a person worthy of interaction), to then recognizing him as a prophet, and finally recognizing that he is the Messiah.  Quite an evolution in a short time.

There are so many things in life that start as unknown and evolve to higher levels of interaction over varying periods of time.

So, I thought about my relationship with running, my fellow runners, and the community of running.

I remember when I started running in high school that it was an unknown.  I had run as a part of soccer.  I had run to play basketball but running was new.  Then, I loved track and cross country was just a necessary bridge during the fall season.  Finally, running has become what I look to each day for fitness and spiritual sustenance.

I remember that I did not know other runners when I began.  Throughout high school there were very few other distance runners in my grade.  Then I went away from running for years.  When I came back, I first saw running as simply a solitary activity to improve fitness.  Then, I joined a training group.  Then, I joined a group to run with others to help them with self-improvement.  Now, I run with friends as often as I can.  Sometimes I lift them up.  Sometimes they life me up.  The individuals with whom I run show gratitude for the company all the time.

Finally, there is the running community.  Four years ago, I just thought I'd train and occasionally show up for a race.  Now, I am still a part of the training group community even though it has been three years since the last time I formally participated with the Charm City Run training group.  I have kept most of my business with their stores.  Then, I joined Back on My Feet.  That provided a different, but equally valuable running experience.  My ties are weaker than they once were as life has taken over.  but they are still there.  More recently, I have become a part of the running/blogger community.  I have been a running blogger since 2010.  At that time, I wrote and ran and trained and raised money to honor Gerry Paradiso.  I turned that first series of blog entries into The Radical Transformation of Runner 1313--a fictional autobiographic tale of my experience.  Then I continued writing.  And finally, I settled on the idea of Connecting the Dots & Nourishing the Soul.  And I have stuck with that.  For two Lenten seasons, I wrote every day.  Then, I wrote three things last year that I linked together--Mile 27 (a series of 26 post-Boston Marathon healing essays), 40 Days to Better in the early fall leading up to the Baltimore Running Festival, and then The Spirituality of Advent.  This year, I am pursuing my virtual pilgrimage and writing and reflecting along the way.  And in the process of following another runner who writes So What? I Run, I have now been introduced to a whole community of running bloggers or runners with interesting social media pages who support each other.

What an interesting evolution.  I think it makes me a better person.  I try to continue to use my running to motivate other growth.  And I hope I succeed.  

The Spirituality of Advent

In the past several years, I have made it a habit of writing groups of blog entries.  I have experienced two years of trying to blog every day during the Christian season of Lent--using it as a time of preparation for my own soul for something new and a time of reflection.

After running the Boston marathon this year and being too close for comfort to the explosive events of the day and thinking that I might have been on the train with one of the suspects, I wrote 26 healing essays.

Starting on September 1 and leading up to the Baltimore running festival I posted the 40 Days to Better.  Ending with a reflection on how if I could improve my faith, fitness, and function that would line up nicely with family needs and lead to a better outcome.  And that a person who had called on me to become better professionally and facilitated that development had also helped me to see ways to be better as a person in general--particularly with respect to family.

So, as we enter another season of preparation, this time Advent, I am going to blog about four themes.  I have debated which for themes.  One website just talks about how the three traditionally purple candles represent penance, the whole season represents waiting, the pink candle of week three represents joy, and we are waiting on a Savior.  Another site lists the candles as being of hope, preparation, joy, and love.  I definitely like the idea behind the second one a little better.  

So, as we enter a season this Sunday in which I try to appreciate the spiritual enormity of Isaiah 9:2, "The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined" I will write each week (or part of a week in the case of love) about a topic and after reflecting for 24 days see where my heart and soul have ended up. It will be an interesting journey.  

Where 40 Days of Discernment has Led Me?

Before I comment on the conclusion of forty days of discernment on the road to better, I want to talk about the race today.  I ran a 1:33:20 half marathon.  I can look at this one of two ways.  As a shortcoming, it is 1 minute 38 second off my main goal (his 7:00 per mile average) or 3:20 off my other goal (run a 1:30).  In a more positive light, it is the fastest I have run a half marathon distance anywhere other than on the NCR trail, and it was on a course that was challenging.  Either way, I was happy with the experience.  A main observation is that I ran the first 5.7 miles (according to the official time) at a 6:47 pace and then slowed down.  I clearly lost some speed on the uphills to get to Lake Montebello and then never recovered and ran the negative splits I hoped for.

I have a second story about the race situation that I think is worth telling.  People who are not runners wonder about the fellowship among runners.  I saw an incredible example of that fellowship today.  There were two gentlemen I kept playing leapfrog with throughout the race.  The one guy first encouraged me as I passed by him working it up the hill running along Linwood.  Later when he had a chance to pass me, I encouraged him back.  Then, we traded encouragement back and forth throughout the rest of the race.  I couldn't estimate the guys age but he was wearing a sweatshirt, which I could not imagine wearing.  The other guy was a ginger-haired kid who looked about half my age.  I didn't say anything to him until I came up on him for what must have been the third or fourth lead change on Howard Street.  At that point, I said to him, "Hey, we've been playing leapfrog the whole race.  What do you have left?"  He eventually passed me again, and I tried to keep him in my sights the rest of the way.  But he did beat me (as did the other guy I mentioned).  What was cool was what happened after the race.  The first guy I described, I was close enough to at the end that we just gave each other a fist punch with a congratulations.  The second guy was a different story.  When the race is done, the runners walk a distance between barricades, then turn a corner, get a heat blanket, get a water, and get the medal.  I forget where in the process, I met the younger guy, but he actually turned around to look for me and went out of his way to congratulate me (and I returned the favor of course).  Maybe he would have done just as well if I had not challenged him to see what he had left.  But I would like to think that challenging him made a difference.  The fact that he made a point to come back speaks to the fellowship among runners.

So, how does this flow into my end of forty days discernment?  The themes I had through my forty days focused on running, work, religion, and family.  If I aim for a little alliteration, we could say "Fitness, Faith, Function, and Family".  

What I would say is that I have to make sure I keep up my fitness, faith, and function and that keeping all three of these working well would help me support my efforts to have the best family life I can.  If I had a really cool graphic design, I would have a four pointed pyramid (like an old four-sided die from Dungeons & Dragons) with fitness, faith, and function as the corners on the bottom supporting family at the top--because family comes above all else.

To do this all well, I need to make sure that I focus on what matters via Peter Block's logic (and only on what matters--so this may mean doing fewer things), give it my all and accept no less or feeling like I am wasting the Gift via Steve Prefontaine's words, and realizing that I have most of what I need in me already if I just try to find it via the Gospel reading last week.

So, a new focus on finding what I need in me and focusing and giving it my all, will be what I hold moving forward.  

And, I will think about how far I have already come.  The last time I ran the Baltimore Half Marathon (2009 to be exact when I ran a 1:46:05) I could not have imagined saying anything to the two guys I spoke to during the run today.  Thinking about other runners.  Thinking about how they help me and how I can help them.  And thinking about the importance of the connection at the end of the race.  I can take this to the office--thinking about professional development and what members of my team can do for me as well as get from me.  I can take this to other running situations.  I can take this to my Sunday school teaching as I think about each child's needs and what I can learn from each child.  And, of course, I can take this to my family-thinking about what each member needs from me and I from them.  All in the context of doing what matters and doing it well. 

40 Days to Better: Day 27

Yesterday when I was running, I thought about the gray skies I was running under.  And yesterday, I wrote about making sure that I don't end up bringing what might be gray in one part of my life to other parts of my life.

Today, I continue with that theme a bit.  That is a bit more of a direct tie between two days of writing than I usually have.  However, I see it as logical since I ran another 4 miles (just backwards on the same course as yesterday) under clouds.

Specifically, today I am thinking about being on the road to better for a lot of different things at once.  When I began the 40 days to better there were 40 days between a day on Labor Day weekend (when I had not run for four days) and the Baltimore Running Festival.  So, I was mostly thinking of 40 days to better running.  But I also wanted to think about 40 days to being better at a whole bunch of things.

Each day when I write, I have written about running and marriage and work and friendship and parenting and a whole bunch of other things that maybe get mentioned once or twice.

But can I really hope to make myself better at everything? The answer to that may be no.

Of course, there are some general principles that I can follow.  More follow through.  More reliability.  More listening.  More being done on time.  All good.  All help all aspects of my life.

But maybe, thinking like the economist that I am, I have to make tradeoffs.  I hope not.  Thinking about having to make tradeoffs in what I become better at is not a fun idea.

But if I don't, I may have to ask, "What does getting better in one area cost in terms of changes in another area?"

If I focus on improving at work will I lose in family life?

If I focus on improving on family life, will I lose on fitness?

If I focus on improving on fitness, will my Sunday school teaching go down hill?

I could pose tradeoffs between any combination of two things that I want to improve.

The key is to find the right combination.  Recognizing that more is better for each one.  My boss likes to say "More, better, faster."  Can I do all three of those or will choosing any one or two meant that I can't do the other or others?  Trying to improve each one.  Trying to avoid having to give up too much of one to get another.

I can think of what it means to be a better person.  Does that have to mean being better at everything?  In an ideal world, yes.  However, that may simply not be possible.

So, I have to carefully (and sometimes prayerfully or at least with spiritualism in mind) consider what the tradeoffs mean.

40 Days to Better: Day 20

Today, we reach the half way point.  On this day, I have again seen the value of only training for a half marathon (I know that only sounds odd to my non-running friends).  I was able to leave the house at about 5:30, drive to the NCR trail, have a great workout, and be home by 7:45.  I then got a shower and had a child on the ice by 8:30, stopped at the grocery store to get oil to top off my car, dropped another child off at garden club. circled back to hockey, then back to garden club, then home, quite bit to eat (thank goodness for leftovers), picked up child from another family, took my middle and other child to boychoir, returned home, and then took my oldest to orchestra.  (Actually he drove and I drove back).  So, here I sit and it is only 1:15 in the afternoon.  Still a lot to do today.

So, for all that what did I start the day off running.  About a half mile warm up (and it is still pretty dark at 6 AM these days--especially on a wooded trail) to the 1 mile marker on the NCR trail.  Reset the watch.  And then ran to just past the 6 mile marker and back to the 1 mile marker.  Along the way out, I startled (perhaps scared) two groups.  They are training groups that use a run/walk combination and go in groups that are big enough to span the entire trail.  They often do.  So when they are having a grand old conversation and I come up behind them running my sub-7 mile and doing it quietly sometimes they move.  But when they don't I just go around or between and they get surprised.  I have little sympathy.  I don't tend to say hello going by them--which I do for everyone else. Most weeks I'd rather lecture them than say hello, but I hold my tongue and keep running.  In any case, by the trail mile markers I went just a tiny bit more than 10 and I did it in 1:08:51.  I have never even done that in a race before.  And that is faster than the first ten of my fastest 13.1 ever (also a non-race situation).

Lesson for the day...Why do I run so well in non-race situations?  I put less pressure on myself and I trust myself. 

When I did my 1:30:39 with a friend back on March 9, I really did need someone running with me.  Pacing with me.  Keeping me going.  And helping me to have confidence that I could do what I set out to do--run the half marathon (even relatively flat) at a sub-7:00 pace.

Six months later I ran a bit shorter distance, but the workout was just as significant as I did it myself.  And I did it just two days after my fastest road or trail 10K.

So, I have needed mentoring.  But now I am showing what I can do.

Does that mean I don't continue to need mentoring?  Of course not.  I can always improve.  There is always more to learn.

And this does not just apply to running.

It applies to my spiritual life.

It applies to my style of leadership and management.

It certainly applied to my music playing although I don't do that so much at the moment.

And it even applies to interpersonal relationships.  

So, I have learned a lesson from running--that I can take what I have learned from some great friends and competitors and make something great from it--and apply it to many other areas of life as I continue on my road to better.  It is always nice to be satisfied with a run--and this morning was definitely satisfying. But being satisfied does not imply that I can't (and should) continue to seek improvement.   

40 Days to Better: Day 18

If every morning were 48 degrees, no humidity, and no wind, I could really learn to enjoy doing tempo runs.  But not every morning is.  And I still have to figure out how to at least make the best of tempo runs if I want to continue serious training for races.

Whether I enjoy or just get a good bit out of tempo runs, the key for me is that I learned yet another lesson this morning--expect the unexpected.

As I was preparing for my first serious tempo run off the track in a long time (I ended up with 10K at 42:24 on my watch) I made one big mistake.  At the half mile point I meant to hit the lap button to restart the mile counter so that I could get a time for just the tempo portion of my run.

However, I hit the stop button instead.

I did not realize that (having hit the stop button at Lake and Henderson) until I was out on Northern Parkway a bit west of Spring Lake Way.  My watch beeped once--I thought it was a car with squeaky brakes. Then it beeped again.  Then a third time.  It was good that I looked down as my watch was about to shut the GPS timer off.  I set it going again and kept running.

Based on the MapMyRun website, my full distance for today was 7.6.  That would make the tempo portion 7.1. And my overall time (with a few calculations thrown in) suggests a 6:48 pace over the 7.1.  That is solid despite the hills of north Baltimore and Towson.

That was a great run despite the distraction.

Last time I made a mistake like that was the Maryland Half Marathon in May 2011 and I let it rattle me.  

I am glad that 2 years and many successful workouts and races later I no longer let something like that rattle me so much.

I don't anticipate odd things happening, but when they do I just roll with it.

That is much better than I used to do.

Sometimes, the unexpected will happen when I run.

Other time, the unexpected will happen in the workplace, with a friend, with a colleague, or at home.

The more I learn to just roll with it and figure out what to do next rather than dwelling on the distraction the better off I will be.

Good lesson for running.

Good lesson for life--as always during my 40 days on the road to better.   

40 Days to Better: Day 16

This morning's run was another great track workout.  The temperatures were really nice--even cold for this time of year with the breeze that was present in addition to the cool temperatures.  I ran a 3x1600 with the same guy I've been running track workouts with for the better part of the past couple of months.  We had a 600 intervals rest in between each pair. We ran 5:59, then 5:58, and 6:00 with each lap being between 88 seconds and 91 seconds.  That is even better than the last time I wrote about even times when 15 of my 20 miles were all within 5 seconds on either side of the average I ran.  This time, I ran all 12 laps of the 3x1600 within three seconds variation total.  And the interesting thing is that I left my house so quickly I did not even have a watch.  My running partner called out times for for some of the splits (sometimes at 200 meter intervals) for some of the miles but it got a little lax at the end.  

The fact that I did not have my watch on at all is what makes this particular morning's lesson a bit different than my 20 mile long run lesson.  That was about running smart, running consistently, and pacing correctly.  

This morning is about all of that, but it is even more about doing it without a watch.  And why is that important on the road to better?

It reflects the fact that sometimes I can just rely on intuition and what feels right.  Of course, sometimes I need the watch. Or whatever other crutch I may find in whatever aspect of my life is relevant to help me to plan.  To help me to pace.  To help me to understand.

But there is a time to just run by feel.  Just manage by what seems right.  To set aside the books.  To set aside the theory.  To just let myself be.  And to trust that I know a lot more than I think I know and the trust that what I know and do will be right.

This could apply to running--as I found out this morning.  And I am even pondering whether I should leave the watch behind (or promise myself not to look at it) for the Baltimore Running Festival.

This could apply to my management position in the job I have had since April.  Yes, I have had excellent coaching.  Yes, I have been advised to read a number of very interesting books.  But when all is said and done, if I trust myself to know what is pretty much the right thing to do, I'll be successful--I hope.

The same can be said for pacing.  My boss--the Dean--like to talk about more, better, faster.  It sort of reminds me of the Olympic motto of faster, higher, stronger.  The key is to always extend myself.  but when all is said and done, objective measures may be nice.  But ultimately, I can sense whether I am operating at capacity or I have more to give.

This could apply to marriage.  Sometimes people need help from a counselor or therapist or whatever you might want to call someone who provides that type of help.  But perhaps, if the couple just works together and focuses together, they will find their way together just by intuition.

All of these are challenges.  Running by intuition.  Managing by intuition.  Assessing my capacity to do more by intuition.  And, finally, marriage by intuition.  But all are reasonable things for trying to do by intuition rather than expecting to find answers in a book.  Maybe answers from friend--using their own intuition--to help my intuition.  But leaving it to discussions with real epeople rathe rthan reading books or anythign else seems like a great way to go.   

40 Days to Better: Day 13

This morning I surprised myself with 15.6 miles at a 7:38 pace.  A bit shorter than last week (when I ran 20) but a bit faster than last week—averaging 10 second per mile faster. 

While the run was faster, it was not necessarily better.  And certainly not smarter.  Today, I began with an 8:04, then ran 7:29, 7:37, 7:46, 8:13, 7:45, 7:42, 7:35, 7:41, 7:22, 7:28, 7:41, 7:43, 7:10, 7:26, and the final 0.6 in 7:20.  All the stability I showed last week just went by the wayside.  Started slowly.  Sped up more than I thought.  Slowed down a little running up University Parkway to get to the JHU lacrosse field area. Slowed down even more as I continued along University where there were no streetlights (much to my surprise) and with the steep uphill to Roland, faster on Roland, okay across Northern and up Charles, okay on Stevenson (including the hills—that was the 7:41), faster down Osler and around onto Towsontown (it helped that another runner showed up and I aimed to pass), okay headed to Bosley, okay on Bosley headed around to York, okay as I made my by up Fairmount and across Joppa, faster headed back down York, then okay in the neighborhood.  Times all over the place.

So, as I said, even with a faster pace, not as good a run.  Combining this less smart run with yesterday’s slow run, I could certainly add a comment after yesterday…not every run can be the best run—no matter how hard I try. 

My past two days demonstrate this clearly for workouts.  It is also clear for races.  Both back in high school and with my grown up running since 2009, I have found the same thing.  As I got started, I did get faster each race for a while.  Then, once I approached my capacity, not every race was a personal best. 

And, of course, the idea that not every activity can be the best one is true in other areas of life as well.  There is no way that every day at work can be better than the last.  Some days are up and some days are down.  The key is overall growth—a general upward trajectory. 

There is no way that every day in marriage will be better than the last.  Some days are up and some days are down.  The key is a general strengthening of the relationship overall over time.

When I play a musical instrument, there is no way that every song will be better than the last. 

It is not the case that every blog entry is better than the last.

If I were a visual artist, not every piece of art work would be better than the last.

In a friendship, not every interaction is necessarily better than the last.

And even in parts of life that focus on improvement or departure from something in the past not every day is necessarily better than the last.

The key for me in all cases is to remember what a friend said to me recently about a process she is going through.  She compared it with a marathon.  Some good miles. Some bad miles.  But you keep pushing toward the finish line.  And that is what I do in all parts of my life.  Realize there will be some good times and some bad times.  But always push for the goal. 

40 Days to Better: Day 10

On Monday, when I wrote about distractions, I wrote the following:

"Avoid being distracted from my focus on my marriage.  Nothing--not my running, not my best friends, nothing should distract me from that."

As part of my "road to better," sometimes what I need to do is think harder about past statements and work to clarify when necessary.

The statement that I made after my run on Monday could be taken as a statement against the importance of friendship.  But that would be about as correct as reading last Sunday's Catholic church gospel reading (Luke 14:25-33) where it talks about hating your father and mother (and many other family relations) to be a disciple.  That Gospel reading is never interpreted literally in my experience.  It is about putting discipleship first--and then making sure that the rest of life fits in.

That, putting marriage first and avoiding distractions, was what that part of my blog entry Monday was about after my rant about distracted driving.

What is also interesting to me is showing how this fits with a friend's recent comment (I always like connecting dots in my life--thus the name of the blog site).  My friend commented that in the most recent part of her life she has made sure to surround herself with friends who value her opinion.

I think that avoiding distraction (particularly to things like marriage, fitness, and work) is about surrounding myself with individuals who support my pursuits.  So, my comment on Monday should not be taken to say "ignore friends" but instead should be taken to say "surround myself with friends who support the importance of my marriage."  That, I have done.  In fact, I can honestly say that it would be a challenge at this point to describe just how important being surrounded by friends who support my marriage is--as I was able to turn to many when my life was chaotic after I first moved into my new job in April and my life and marriage were stressed.  With the support of many friends, the patience of my wonderful wife, and effort from me and Sherry, we are moving forward in a very positive way.

While this would be an acceptable place to finish the thought on this blog entry, this brings me to the first of several pieces of wisdom from Fr. Sam Lupico from a catechist workshop that happened on Sunday.  His piece of wisdom was from an old Latin phrase that he used to teach but I don't recall the Latin.  The gist was "you can't give what you don't have."  My friend's comment was about one way that someone showed that her opinion was valued.  For me, the question is how do people show their commitment to my pursuits.  It doesn't mean that I only surround myself with individuals who are married and whose marriages are perfect to lend me support in keeping my marriage strong.  Rather, it means that the people with whom I surround myself are people who are valued in their relationships and people who want to share that value (and their insights on that value) with others.  

I will write more about Fr. Sam's wisdom (both this point and others) over the coming days on my continuing "road to better."  

40 Days to Better: Day 4

On day 4 of 40 Days to Better, I ran just 4 miles.  The catch was that three of them were at a pace of 6:50 per mile or faster.  That was exhilarating but led to a lot of sweat that had not ended by the time I got done a quick shower and headed to work.  So it goes.

In any case, after that great tempo run, I have had a busy but productive day at work.  As I think about the end of the wedding expression, today I think about something "blue" and I return to the top left hand part of the image--the old shoes that were blue.

I had to look up why "something blue" was part of the expression.  As far as I could tell it has to do with purity and loyalty.  For purity, I immediately think of the way that Mary is portrayed in a lot of artwork in blue.

Loyalty is key for moving forward in life.  First, loyalty to my family.  Realizing that running success is great.  Career success is great.  Civic success is wonderful.  But ultimately, the most important success is with family.

Loyalty at work is also key.  There is loyalty to the goals of the organization that I work for--and they are many.  And loyalty to the staff who ultimately reports to me--and they are many.  Interesting balancing act and always having to think about how my actions reflect or fail to reflect that loyalty.

Loyalty to my volunteer roles.  Once a commitment is made--stick with it.  And if I can't do it well--pull out.  In other words--don't be half-hearted.  Applies to volunteering.  Applies to just about everything.

Finally, loyalty to myself.  My well-being can't be pushed aside.  If I push my own well-being aside, no matter how loyal I am to everyone else, I won't be of any use.

Loyalty at so many levels meaning so many things.  All of which can make me a better person if I stay loyal.  

40 Days to Better: Day 1

There is a phrase that many people still recite in preparing for a wedding: something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.  I obviously had my own wedding many years ago.  And I don't expect any of my children to be having a wedding for many years from now.  But the phrase range true for me as I thought about what today means in terms of my first day of trying to be "better" over the 40 Days between yesterday and the Baltimore Running Festival Half Marathon.  The picture to the right shows something old (my last pair of Brooks Ghost 5 shows with the tread worn from 649 miles of running including this year's fateful Boston Marathon), my new running shoes (Brooks Ghost 6's--pair #1 with brand new treads), my tattoo (with its many borrowed scenes and themes), and something blue (circling back around to the Brooks 5's).   I actually think that the folk saying for weddings gives me a lot to think about over the next few days in terms of being better.  

For Day 1, let's begin with the easy thing--for the running--I was on the treadmill for two hours this morning--running a constant and flat 8 minute mile.  I know that some of my running friends would probably consider this to be a fate worse than death.  However, it allowed me to be sure of having access to a bathroom (although I didn't end up needing one), to monitor my water intake (I did drink more than 20 ounces that I could carry on my belt), and to not think too hard.  

Now, for Day 1, let's work on some of the more challenging themes. Let's begin with something old.  

The shoes are old.  Runners tend to get attached to their shoes.  I find that I (and at least some of my running friends) get even more attached to their shoes when they are used for a notable race.  I've turned most of my old running shoes into walking shoes until they deteriorate.  I am trying to think of what else I might do with this pair.  I don't have any really good ideas but I am thinking.  

However, it is interesting to think about why we get attached to the shoes.  Do the shoes really make a difference in how we run?  To paraphrase a book I am reading on personal success called "What Got You Here Won't Get You There," am I successful at running because of the shoes I wear or (as one friend might have me believe) despite the shoes I wear.  Should I stick with something because it isn't broken?  Or should I try something new because it might be even better?  What are the risks of trying something new?  Injury?  Not running as fast?  How soon would I know?  How long would it take to figure out?  What would be the consequences if I guess wrong?  Why is letting go emotionally and intellectually challenging?  

And how does this carry over into the rest of my life?  Are there work habits that are hard to let go even though trying something new might be better?

Are there parenting habits that kind of-sort of work but that another approach might be better?

Are there things about marriage that I could improve but might be scared to try anything different because what I am doing is at least sort of working?

I could go on with a list of other things.  But they all come back to the same question--why is it hard to let go, what is to be lost if I try something new, and how much might there be to gain?

I don't remember what I thought of the tradition of something old when I got married--in terms of the meaning it held.  If I were giving advice now, I would say that it has to do with the timelessness of marriage (at least as it is intended, that you can bring something old forward with you) but also a sign of letting go and moving on from things in the past and starting anew.  Have the something old, but be willing to leave it--no matter how strongly it pulls--after the wedding so that things can be fresh and new.

My running shoes show one thing--I do appreciate the timelessness of a good run, I still have a hard time letting go of things in the past that might be better left in the past, and I am not one to take many risks with trying new things (at least in some areas of my life).  What will help to make me better after these 40 Days is grappling with the questions that arise--how can I carry the timelessness to other parts of my life, how can I learn to let go when necessary, and when is it a good thing to take risks.  I certainly have in the past year (like the new job and a renewed focus on family--although the latter is only a risk to my career which should be second anyway), but I don't always.  

A lot of the answer is balance.  Always has been and always will be.

But part of the struggle over the remainder of the 40 days and the remainder of my life is how to achieve that balance and how it shifts over time. 

40 Days to Better

Today, I took my fourth day in a row off from running.  I had not planned to take that many days off in a row.  But, after an extra long run last weekend, I got busy at work, and I spent time with the wife and kids that I would not trade for any running accomplishment.  Over time, I will continue to work out how to balance everything I want to do, but since Thursday Sherry, sleeping in while camping, the kids, (even the dog who we took camping with us), and work were more important.

But as I looked at my calendar, I also noticed something.  After today and before the Baltimore running festival, there are exactly 40 days.  40 days has a lot of symbolism.  Of course, it all began with Noah.  And I sang along with the Hooters song in high school that mentioned it.  Then there is Lent every year.  Then there is the worship band that I played with at church for parts of 7 years that was called 40 More Days.  The past two Lenten seasons, I have tried to blog for 40 days in a row.

But this 40 Days is a bit more meaningful in a number of ways.  First, with the relatively new position and the kids making big choices in the coming year, I have a different focus.  I don't have a marathon on the horizon for more than a year--if ever.  (Although all my close running friends think I will be back.)  Without a marathon on the horizon, I didn't run the 20 mile race this Labor Day weekend that I had run the last three.  That has me more focused as I have been keeping myself in pretty good shape since the Boston Marathon and keeping my weight pretty well under control, but with the four days of not running, a lot of sweet food while camping, and an important half marathon on the horizon with 40 days between now and then, I started thinking.

What can I do?

No simple answers to that one.  But in addition to making sure that I have the best run I can have after 40 days, I also want to make it bigger.  I want to have the best run.  But I also want to be a better dad.  A better husband.  A better neighbor.  Better at my job.  Better at teaching Sunday school.  Generally use this time of focus and discernment to make myself a better person.

And what is the most important thing I could do along those lines?

Probably take the lesson I have consistently been able to bring to fruition for running--improve through practice and bring things to closure for the race--and take that to the rest of my life.  If I could remember that I've only improved my running in my early 40's by doing it over and over again and take that with me to other things in life, then I could do a lot with that.  And if I could take the fact that I also raise the bar on my running and then taper and then execute for the race to other things in my life, that would help as well.

To be a better person in 40 days, I could learn a lot from being a better runner.  Not that running should dominate.  Just that the lessons extend.

I can't wait to see where the next 40 days take me.

Spiritual Reflections on the First Sunday of Lent

Yesterday's run was a gift from God.  The weather--while nippy--was not really that cold.  I had not tried to find a temperature right near my house (I sometimes overlook the fact that a "Baltimore" temperature often means out in the more open area where the airport is a half hour from here).  Looking at "Yesterday's Weather" on the weather channel website with my zip code suggests if was actually 40 degrees most of the time while I ran yesterday.  That truly is perfect and with hat and an extra layer, I was probably overdressed.  The run alone gave me time just to enjoy the run for one thing only--the sake of running and how it bring me closer to the end of a three year quest--to qualify for and then run a respectable time in Boston.  At one point I said, "If I run Boston it will be my last." I'm not sure if I will stick to that assertion or not, but certainly after Boston for a while I will limit the number of very long runs I do and probably change my workouts to focus more on speeding up my track times and my 5K.

In any case, glancing at today's Catholic mass readings fro Deuteronomy, Psalm 91 (which is quoted heavily in On Eagles Wings, a standard for years at Catholic contemporary masses), the letter the Romans, and then the story of Jesus in the desert for 40 days from Luke's gospel, many things caught my attention.  Today at mass, the worship band with which I play will sing a song called "40 Days".  But what caught my attention most was the reading from Romans--chapter 10 verses 8-13.

In the context of what the reading is about, it focuses on belief being realized by confessing with your mouth and believing with your heart.  In this case, confessing is not confessing as in going to the sacrament of reconciliation but confessing as it stating a belief very clearly.  I find the idea useful in situations outside of church as well as for my spiritual well being.  If you really are passionate about something then it should be something you can talk about, something you are willing to talk about, and something that you hold dear in your heart at the core of your soul.  I am lucky to be in a position where I can balance (or at least try to balance in life) multiple things that I am passionate about at this level.  I suppose am lucky to be in a position where I can do this with even one thing.  If we think about Maslow's triangle representing a hierarchy of needs, when I get to that level I am pretty sure that all the basics are taken care of and I am at self-actualization.  To be there is yet another gift from God--a gift I celebrate every day--and something that guides me in my actions to help others achieve the same.  A Facebook friend posed the question the other day what makes my heart sore.  Leaving aside obvious answers like love for wife and children, I said, "Helping others to achieve."  Outside religion, that is what I confess with my mouth and believe with my heart is one of the most critical things that I am called on to do.