Friends and Water

Today at Catholic masses around the world, the gospel reading from John featured Jesus and a Samaritan woman at a well.  The priest at my church gave a brief homily with a great point. A point that I think anyone—regardless of faith or with no faith at all—can relate to.

The priest referred to Jesus as befriending the woman.  With that, he then tried to relate friends and water, seeking an analogy. 

As he continued to work toward the analogy, he mentioned teaching a class to first graders and asking about what water brings.  One of the kids answered, “The gift of life.” “Very true,” said the priest in his homily.  That gave him the lead in he needed for the analogy. 

So, he turned to talking about friends.  Not a list of hundreds of friends on social media.  But dear friends who have changed our lives.  Perhaps there is no friend to whom each of us owes the gift of life, but each of us has friends who have made an impact on our lives or who have changed our lives.

That allowed the priest to encourage us to be just as thankful for those friends as we are for other gifts in our lives.  People matter.  We should acknowledge that they matter.  We should tell them that they matter.  Finally, we should work to be gifts for others as much as they are gifts to us.  Not just remotely and by emails and texts.  Rather, let friends hear us and visit when we can.  That level of friendship and the gift it brings deserves the attention that can only happen in person or in real time conversation.

These are words of wisdom that I know inspire me, and I’d hope would be inspiring to all.

Weird Dream

I don'f often have vivid dreams.  Last night I had one that running friends will realize the unlikelihood of it actually happening.  Makes me think about the "meaning" to the degree that dreams have meaning.  

I was at some international track and field competition running the anchor leg of a 4x400 relay.  (For my non-running friends on most tracks that is a run that is one lap for each runner.)  I got the baton with a big lead and managed to hang on for the victory against someone who was supposed to be very fast.  People I know from today including hockey parents were there to greet me at the finish where we went into a chant of "U-S-A! U-S-A!"

Yes, I still love my track workouts.  I always have.  And, I presume, I always will.  But I couldn't even make the 4x400 team for the Penn Relays in high school 28 years ago.  The 400 was never a great event for me.  The only event I was ever really even all that good at was the 1600 meeter run.  And I can't tell you why my brain would want to highlight a relay race for a distance shorter than I was ever any good at.

As I write this, I can throw something out there as an idea for interpreting my dream.  It did represent a win against the odds at a race I aspired to get into (everyone wanted to run at the Penn Relays back in the day).  And I needed some help from my fellow athletes to participate in the win--being give such a big lead.  So, perhaps it does go along with my current running goals.  Working with a little help from my friends toward a goal that many say is against all odds--the Comrades run next year.  Some 56 miles.  Completely the opposite end in terms of distance.  But needing help from my friends in what may be perhaps even more important ways--like the endless training miles.  Especially in a week in which I had just run with others four times in one week (with runs of four different paces at 7, 6, 5, and 1 miles) for the first time in a VERY long time.

What about the hockey parents?  Not entirely sure.  But we did watch our kids play a heck of a game yesterday.  Despite losing 7-2 they played a MUCH BETTER game against a team that had beaten them 9-0 in the opening game of the season.  And, among other things, they played together better as a team--again reflecting the importance of friends in achieving goals.

If anyone has any other ideas on what this might mean given my crazy connecting-the-dots mind, I'm open to suggestions.

Inspirtation and Meaning in Celebrating a LIfe After Passing

Last night I attended a wake service for Mark Pacione.  St Pius X church on York Road just north of the city/county border just outside Baltimore City was packed to standing room only.  The line of people waiting to say something to Carol Pacione and her family was amazingly long before the service and went for an amazingly long time after the service.  The church was supposed to close at nine.  There were still dozens of cars in the parking lot well after nine when Sherry and I left the building.

I have not been to many Catholic wake services.  But this was amazing.  I won’t claim this is a play-by-play recounting.  By to help me continue to process the passing of someone who was only 60, I am going to reflect on the elements on the evening I found most moving.

First, the church’s worship band played some prelude music and throughout the program.  Their prelude music—when I believe it is appropriate to have as many solos as they might like and the music is intended for contemplation—was lovely.  I quickly noticed that the piano was being played by someone other than the typical piano player these days.  The typical piano player is a wonderful person whose piano playing is usually a nice accompaniment to what the guitars are doing.  The piano player last night is just at a different level and added some improvisations that brought the music to life in a different way.  There may be some who would debate just how much improvisation there should be and how much the piano or the guitar should lead, but my personal preference is for the type of piano/guitar mix I heard last night. 

Second, the fact that the church was full was amazing—because nearly everyone sang.  It sounded like everyone sang even if there may have been a few listeners in the crowd.  That, more than anything else, made the evening an incredible one.  The opening song was Come Holy Spirit.  For those who believe there is such a thing as the Holy Spirit, there was no question of the presence of the Spirit last night.  Before the song, during the song, after the song, the entire time.  This part of the experience reminded me of Matthew 18:20  “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” The gathering last night was much more than two.  And God was certainly in our midst last night.

Third, the singing.  There was a version of Amazing Grace in the program that the worship band has played dozens of times.  And it usually played in a way with at least some of the verses of the original Amazing Grace being sung by a soloist with the congregation then singing the modern added refrain.  While the song started with only one singer from the band, the congregation quickly joined in.  (Not everyone was from St. Pius X and used to the way it is usually done.)  To hear the entire congregation sing out the verses of Amazing Grace with strong voices almost brought me to tears.  I had a hard time holding it together to sing.  But that is what worship and praise music means to me.  Worshipping as a congregation.  Praising God as a congregation.  In this case, celebrating the life of a great man as a congregation. 

Fourth, Father Sam Lupico was on fire.  His homily was amazing.  So much near shouting—for joy!  So much emotion.  So strong a representation of what everyone hopes will carry on long after Mark’s life. Even before the homily, when he read the Gospel he talked about switching from what was listed in the program to a reading from Matthew.  When he began the reading with “When he saw the crowds he, he went up on a mountain…” I knew where this was going.  He had preceded the reading with a comment on how discussion with the family had led to this reading.  I knew what the reading would be.  The Sermon on the Mount with the Beatitudes.  The Beatitudes that are written on the eight stained glass windows around the church.  The Beatitudes that Fr. Sam focuses on in his homilies even in weeks when we are not reading from Matthew 5.  The Beatitudes that, to paraphrase Fr. Sam, if anyone believed and lived them it was Mark.  Fr. Sam’s homily last night was the closest I have ever experienced to a Catholic revival.  Everyone cried and laughed and shouted Amen and understood just what Mark believed and lived.  It reminded me of a meeting for this year’s youth who will be confirmed at St. Pius X.  Mark had shown a video that led in with “don’t get confirmed, BE confirmed.”  In other words, live your faith.  And Mark certainly did that.

Fifth, there were several speakers who had the opportunity to make comments about Mark after the singing of Amazing Grace.  One focused on how mark was present for everyone.  I try to be present for everyone.  I know I fail sometimes.  But it was clear that Mark was able to capture that feeling of just being there for you.  I have already commented on the presence of the gathering last night.  It was wonderful.  I try to live my life with presence for others.  Being present has a lot to do with being a symbol of God for others—going back to being confirmed rather than just getting confirmed.  That goes along with recognizing God in others and living a life of gratitude when you tell others what you appreciate.  That symbol is a part of my goal (3) for the coming year (I talked about this on December 31, 2014)—to say thank you even for little things.  I was able to put that to work immediately after we left the church last night.  We stopped at the grocery store and I chose to go to a cashier rather than going through the self-check line.  The young man took the time to carefully and thoughtfully bag everything to use the smallest number of plastic bags and not risk crushing anything.  The care that he took was notable and I made sure to say “Thanks.  Not everyone does that.”  And he seemed to appreciate that.  A reminder that there is the opportunity to be grateful to and present for everyone in our lives. 

Sixth, one gentleman who had worked with Mark for more than 30 years including when Mark helped to organize World Youth Day in Denver and then the Pope’s visit to Baltimore in the 1990’s.  This gentleman commented that Mark is probably already on the planning committee for the Jesus’s second coming.  That got a laugh from the entire congregation.  Mark was an organizer. And could inspire others to work with him for the faith.

Seventh, the other thing that many mentioned was Mark’s focus on family, friends, and faith.  I have already discussed faith, the Holy Spirit, the gathering, and the presence that was felt at the church.  But it was clear that Mark also loved his family and was appreciated by many friends.  And the line between who was just a friend and who was part of Mark’s family was a very blurry one.  Everyone there last night was clearly family in some sense of the word.

Eighth, while at the service and waiting in line after the service to give my condolences to his family, I saw so many families and so many youth and young adults whom I had known for the 18+ years we have been at St Pius X—or at least as long as they had been alive.  Some of them I had taught when they were 9 or 10 or 12.  Others I had simply watched.  The passing brought together families in some amazing ways.  And seeing kids whom I have known for so long is always a heart warming experience. 

Ninth, it allowed me to connect with some friends in faith I have not seen for quite some time.  So important at a time like this.

Finally, when Sherry and I reached Mae and then Carol and her family the length of the hugs exchanged when there was nothing to say but “I’m here.”  Mae said “Thank you for being here.”  All I could think of to say was “Of course.”  And when I reached his daughter, I actually had a story to share.  I recalled her running the Chicago marathon.  I recalled both her mom and her dad being worried.  And I recalled the day when she did it as one on which there was tension and a sense of relief and pride when she finished.  She talked about her dad joining her to finish.  I talked about sharing my running with two of my three boys.  She also mentioned not running now as she is expecting and we joked about the very pregnant woman who had run the Chicago marathon and given birth almost immediately afterward.  That joking was a light moment.  But more importantly, the primacy of family lives on in a new generation who were already and will continue to be inspired by Mark’s example. 

Mark’s niece restated something that had been noted in the eulogies—keep saying Mark’s name to keep his spirit and all he stood for alive.  I don’t think there will be any shortage of thoughts and discussions of Mark in the coming week or weeks or even months or years.  And everyone last night will be inspired to keep the vision that he provided for the life of the laity in the Catholic church alive. 

My Annual Review and Look Ahead

Here were my goals for 2014…

(10) Run.  Do it a lot.  But keep it in its place.  Use it as a focal point.  Use it for goal setting.  Use it for friendship building.  Use it to seek meaning.  I’d say I handled this one quite well getting in 2222.2 miles PR’ing at 3 outdoor race distances, and ending my running year with a sub-19 5K on the treadmill. 

(9) Keep teaching Sunday School.  I did this for the spring semester.  But then it ran up against numbers (3) and (1).  I am still involved in ministry at my parish.  Just in a different way. 

(8) Keep writing.  Did it and look forward to continuing to do it.  All good.

(7) Find a place for music.  I have been listening to a lot of music—between my oldest son graduating from the School for the Arts with his horn and piano foci and his now being a student at a conservatory and then my 15 year old continuing to sing in the Maryland State Boychoir.  I have listened to a wider variety of music on Spotify and elsewhere—including a lot of country for the first time in my life (my apologies to anyone whose country interests I ever criticized before).  And I have begun to define better how music relates to my worship experience—I need to sing rather than to listen to really make my worship experience as powerful as it can be.    

(6) Bake more.  I am not sure that I managed this one.  This also came up against (3).  But I have certainly kept baking and worked on a few new things (like fancy pumpkin and banana breads).  And continued to work with my sons, especially my now ten year old, to teach them as well.

(5) Take more pictures.  I did some of this.  I am trying to make sure that I carry my cell when I run and then use it to tell stories better.  And I have also used pictures of some of the things that I have had shared with me (like five stones from my last MPH advisee) and gotten pictures of me with other runners that have helped to highlight my year. 

(4) While I have access to all types of electronic technologies, put them down more. I am not sure how well I did on this one.  I still use my devices a lot.   

(3) Recognize my limitations more.  Definitely recognizing that I have to say no to some things and I have to think about my limits more.  This has affected numerous other goals. 

(2) Structure my time better.  Certainly did this to some degree to achieve my running goals.  Certainly did this with family to achieve the goals of getting the kids to all their activities.  Got some more sleep too. 

(1)      Remember that family comes first.  Done. Must continue.  Have run fewer races.  Have gotten more sleep to try harder to stay awake through events.  Have traveled less so that I could help with kids getting places.  Have made this my number one priority.

Now to look ahead.  But I am going to make this year’s a little more objective and a little more measurable and I will review them once a quarter rather than just once a year. 

(10) Run at least four days a week.  I’m not going to try to run more miles than I did this year (2222.2).  I’m not even going to shoot for 2000 miles in 2015.  There will be years in the future for other mileage goals.  This year I’m mostly going to aim to keep up my three quality workouts a week and one with Back on My Feet.  I hope to use running as all that it was last year for friendship and writing.  No other goals—right now.  Then, I will plan to do some cross training and/or weight training as well to keep up my overall health.

(9) Bake at least one pizza/stromboli and one other bread or cranberry sauce each week.  (In addition to general meal prep that I do most of in our household.)  This will hone and continue to develop my skills in the kitchen.  It is something I love. 

(8) Do something with art at least once a week.  This could be as simple as a pencil sketch.  It could be a photograph that I somehow process.  It could be an artistically posed photograph.  It could be appreciating art more in the same way that I will work on appreciating music more. It could be thinking about art that I’d like others to work on.  I’ve got ideas for a second tattoo, but that might be a marriage-ending incident if I do that.  Although with the passing of Mark Pacione and the focus on living a little more in the moment because you never know when the end will come (Mark was a healthy 60), I’d settle for a simple tattoo at this point.  Of all the things that I have though about for my second (cornucopia, golden apples, loaves of bread, cassowary, and red egg) the red egg (associated with Mary Magdalene who is the patron saint of a contemplative life) really speaks to me most.  

(7) Continue to work on appreciating music more in my life.  This might mean finding time to play an instrument I’ve learned before.  Working more with my mandolin (Bleak Midwinter would be an excellent song to play on the mandolin—or learning the chord progressions for old Hooters songs).  Or just appreciating the performances more from a critical listening point of view.  Many ways I can achieve this.  Goal—once a week of some time spent with music more than just having it on in the background.

(6) Blog once a week in my personal blog and once a week in my professional blog.  Of course, if I can fit in more, all the better. 

(5) Finish Decoding Spirituality—a series of essays I have written and am stringing together as a book—about  the ways in which I have worked to find meaning in the numbers around me throughout my life and the insights this has given me about how others might find meaning.  (Don’t worry—the conclusion wont’ be that everyone should be as numbers centered as I am.) 

(4) Sleep at least six hours each night.  Of course, all the experts say 7 or 8.  I would love to get 7 or 8 every night but I don’t know how I can possibly do all the other things I want to do his year (while continuing to recognize limitations).  But I don’t want to have an abundance of 4-hour or 5-hour nights sleep nights.  The best thing I can do for this—track and have an accountability buddy for my sleep in the same way that I have found that have accountability buddies for exercise makes such a difference. 

(3) Tell people “thank you” not just at the big times (like thanking Jackie after my PR in Philly and Lauren after my two person marathon relay) but for little things.  After the passing of Mark Pacione and several others who have been lost in recent years starting with Gerry Paradiso back in 2010, I have realized just how important it is to communicate appreciation to people as often as possible.  It doesn’t have to be a big production every time.  Sometimes a hand-written thank you note.  Sometimes a hand-written and hand-designed thank you note.  Other times just a high-five or hug with a thank you at the end of a run.  Sometimes a quick “thanks for taking the kids on a day I couldn’t” at home in the evening.  But always living a life full of gratitude to the amazing people around me.

(2) Stay in touch with friends.  In the past year I had reason to reach out to many friends from elementary school as I remembered the importance of people who had known me for a long time after my son and the young woman he had been dating for more than 3 years left for college as “just friends.” That led me to think about the importance of people with whom I spent a lot of time early in my life.  People who have know me forever. I have also realized how important accountability friends (last year for running) are.  They help me focus and keep it real.

(1) Family must stay #1.  No matter how much I run.  No matter how hard I work.  No matter how much I write.  Family is always first.  If ever there comes a year when that is obviously not true, I must reassess.

Happy 2015!