This morning I chose NOT to run

This morning I chose not to run.  I was ready to.  I had gotten up very early.  I had done more than an hour of work.  I had calculated that today would put me over 1500 miles for the year.  I had made buttermilk biscuits.  I had told the dog she could wait until I got back.

But I chose not to run.  

And even non-running days are part of the spiritual pilgrimage that I am on.

Why?

Because two and one-half weeks ago when I chose to run despite having a million things on my mind I ended up falling and having to wear a wrist brace for four weeks.

So, today, when I was taking the buttermilk biscuits out of the oven, I set them on the stove.  Problem was, they were too close to the edge.  Potholder hanging on a hook near the stove.  Hook was upside down.  Tipped the potholder.  Down it fell onto the pan.  Using a lightyweight metal pan rather than stone, it tipped and flipped all 20 biscuits onto the floor.  The dog got a treat.  I was almost ready to cry.

Why?

20 biscuits.  Not the greatest thing but not the end of the world.

But it was after a very long day.

The day was great for most of it.

I started with a 12 mile run with three friends.  Met one on the way.  Picked up her and she was surprised that I had a country music station on.  Got out of the car at my office building and ran through down town, up to Charles Village, across to Lake Montebello, and into vairous sections of east Baltimore.

Great run.

No mass this Sunday morning as I had gone on Saturday.  That day, one of the readings was Rom 13:8-10.  In reading this, where Paul summarized basically all the commandments that focus on how to treat others (as opposed to those that focus on our relationship with God), I realized that there is at least one thing I share in common with him.  Connecting the dots.  Seeing the relationship among the others-oriented commandments and saying "Love your neighbor as yourself."  It's that simple.  That is my kind of thinking for how to connect dots and nourish my soul.

We also had our annual block party yesterday.  And while I was just as happy for much of it to peopel watch and listen to good music, I did enjoy talking with several neighbors and eat good food.  

We also had the ice hockey kickoff celebration.  That was a lot of fun.

But two things were on my mind from yesterday.  First, my long time training partner thinks that she might be hanging up the running shoes.  I say thinks because it is hard to tell when a person is truly done.  But she has had so many injuries that just never seem to end that she is ready to be done.  We will see.  I know how much it is a part of her identity.  When that is true, it is hard to part with an activity.  

Second, a runner I'd just met this summer lost her life in a motorcyle accident yesterday.  She had run 50 races between her 49th and 50th birthdays.  Amazing and positive person.  Known to many in the local running community.

Two running losses.  One closer to me given how long I've known the two individuals.  One more immediate in terms of the total loss.

Those were on my mind.  Maybe they contributed to losing the biscuits as well.

But one way or another, it was clear that my mind was not 100% on running.  

So I chose not to run.

So, the dog got two treats this morning--my homemade biscuits to eat and an extra long walk where I didn't even take my cell phone with me so I could just focus on being safe.

Tomorrow I will run again.

There will be many days for me to run again.

And I will respect my training partner and friend most by running--and celebrating what we all love.  Even though at least one and possibly both will never celebrate that for herself again.   

Spiritual Reflections on the First Sunday of Lent

Yesterday's run was a gift from God.  The weather--while nippy--was not really that cold.  I had not tried to find a temperature right near my house (I sometimes overlook the fact that a "Baltimore" temperature often means out in the more open area where the airport is a half hour from here).  Looking at "Yesterday's Weather" on the weather channel website with my zip code suggests if was actually 40 degrees most of the time while I ran yesterday.  That truly is perfect and with hat and an extra layer, I was probably overdressed.  The run alone gave me time just to enjoy the run for one thing only--the sake of running and how it bring me closer to the end of a three year quest--to qualify for and then run a respectable time in Boston.  At one point I said, "If I run Boston it will be my last." I'm not sure if I will stick to that assertion or not, but certainly after Boston for a while I will limit the number of very long runs I do and probably change my workouts to focus more on speeding up my track times and my 5K.

In any case, glancing at today's Catholic mass readings fro Deuteronomy, Psalm 91 (which is quoted heavily in On Eagles Wings, a standard for years at Catholic contemporary masses), the letter the Romans, and then the story of Jesus in the desert for 40 days from Luke's gospel, many things caught my attention.  Today at mass, the worship band with which I play will sing a song called "40 Days".  But what caught my attention most was the reading from Romans--chapter 10 verses 8-13.

In the context of what the reading is about, it focuses on belief being realized by confessing with your mouth and believing with your heart.  In this case, confessing is not confessing as in going to the sacrament of reconciliation but confessing as it stating a belief very clearly.  I find the idea useful in situations outside of church as well as for my spiritual well being.  If you really are passionate about something then it should be something you can talk about, something you are willing to talk about, and something that you hold dear in your heart at the core of your soul.  I am lucky to be in a position where I can balance (or at least try to balance in life) multiple things that I am passionate about at this level.  I suppose am lucky to be in a position where I can do this with even one thing.  If we think about Maslow's triangle representing a hierarchy of needs, when I get to that level I am pretty sure that all the basics are taken care of and I am at self-actualization.  To be there is yet another gift from God--a gift I celebrate every day--and something that guides me in my actions to help others achieve the same.  A Facebook friend posed the question the other day what makes my heart sore.  Leaving aside obvious answers like love for wife and children, I said, "Helping others to achieve."  Outside religion, that is what I confess with my mouth and believe with my heart is one of the most critical things that I am called on to do.  

Everything Works Together--Sometimes

There is a verse in Paul's letter to the Romans (8:28) that in the Catholic translation of the Bible reads:

"We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose."

Sometimes I feel that this is absolutely the way things are.  Sometimes I feel like I could only wish that this was the case--although I ultimately trust that everything is working for the good even if I can't see it that way at a moment in time.

Over the days since I last wrote (having missed mass last weekend), I have had a very nice time with my family.  Every moment very nice--no.  Most moments very nice--yes.  Happy to hear at least two children say, "This trip to Colonial Williamsburg was better than I expected."  Of course, for one of them that was mostly because he had a chance to see canons and muskets being loaded and shot--but we have so start somewhere.

At work things have moved along even while I have been on vacation.  Nothing major negative although one thing that I have to stretch to see as a positive.  I will call it a learning experience--particularly when it comes to working across the multiple parts of the university at which I am employed.  

What else--running has been nice this week.  Neither great nor terrible.  Just solid.  And sometimes, that is really all I can ask for, and what I should count myself lucky to have.

Time with family has also involved food--a lot of it this week.  Good food at fun places in Williamsburg.  Today--on the last full day of vacation--we'll go Greek for dinner at the request of my 13 year old.  My 7 year old has indicated that he would rather stay at the condo and bake with me for Christmas vacation than go skiing.  It would save us a ton of money if he did that, but we'll see.  It would be great for bonding with him if he did.

The other thing about vacation is thinking back to when I learned about American history.  I honestly had forgotten that it was the House of Burgesses in Virginia.  A lot of what impressed the kids  on this trip was the making of stuff and doing of stuff.  That certainly impressed me.  I have a much better appreciation for skilled craftsmanship now that I realize what I have difficulty doing than when I was a kid and thought, "Why couldn't anybody do that?"  

The other thing that I really have an appreciation for (particularly after having seen the even longer term history in Armenia while there) is the history of Virginia and the United States. The amount of history that occurred on the Duke of Gloucester Street.  The number of people who were fundamental to the birth of our country who were there.  The number of people who were patriots who helped to embody what our country stands for and what our country can be, has been, and will hopefully continue to be who stood in some of the same buildings I stood in.  As a first grader at the time of the bicentennial, I think that gives me a special appreciation for all this that dates back to my childhood.  I don't think my kids have that and I'm not sure how I could get that to them.  But as I heard some of the stories that were told this week, chills went up and down my spine.  

Proud to be in America.  Proud to be an American.  Proud to be able to civilly debate what all that means.  And proud to be able to put it all in the context of my own beliefs and philosophy.