Lesson of the Morning

The lesson I learned from yesterday into today is that the conclusion I draw about the advisability of a choice I am making may depend very importantly on how I am looking at the choice—or where I am looking at it from.  Yesterday, I chose not to run as my head felt very stuffed and I felt very tired.  When I got out of bed, I felt a little better but decided to stick with the decision not to run.

For this morning, I made a decision yesterday not to run with my usual Saturday training partner. That was disappointing as I love the company on the long Saturday runs, but I needed to have the options (a) to run where it is warmer inside at the Y (sometimes it hurts to breath very cold air for a long time, especially when I am not feeling 100%), and (b) to quit if my body told me to.  Both of those point to running on a treadmill inside.

So, this morning, I was lying in bed thinking about whether to run or not.  If I had all the time in the world to just rest, was not training for Boston, and was not motivated to be a “doer” in my running, I probably would have just rolled over one more time (I had already ignored my alarm several times) and slept in until having to take my eight year old to hockey,

Instead I got up to (a) finish making bagels and (b) assess my running options.  With a clearer head and a slightly energized body, I decided to run. 

It emphasizes the importance to me of how sometimes just making a little effort to get started really facilitates the decision to continue.  Never even bothering to start makes it easy not to try.  At least trying makes it so much easier to continue.

I could think of that as part of the physics of inertia and momentum.  I could also think of it as the nature of always being willing to get up and keep going, as embodied by the story of St. Sebastian.  It’s a great day for thinking about the latter as I get the final touch up on my first tattoo today.

Have a great Saturday!

Respect for Excellence

I'm not a huge professional football fan, but I wanted to write about this weekend's Raven's game.  Ray Lewis has announced that he will retire after this season.  This weekend is a game at Raven's stadium.  Given the way professional football playoffs work, this is likely to be the last game he plays at M & T Bank Stadium in Baltimore even if the Ravens win.  Then, at most he will have three more games after that even if the Raven's make it to the Super Bowl.  Would it be great if they won?  Of course!  Is that what it is all about at this point?  Not in my opinion.

This weekend and any other send off that Ray Lewis gets is about one thing in my mind: honoring someone who is described as one of the best (if not the best) at his position.  Honoring someone who is described as having redefined his position.  Honoring someone who was able not only to be the best but also to bring out the best in others.

Whether it is being a linebacker (Ray Lewis), being a college professor (me), or being any other job, striving to be the best, to try to define what being the best means, and to bring out the best in others are three very worthy goals.  I can't claim to be the best professor.  Productive?  Yes.  Good at teaching?  Yes.  Interested in teaching?  Yes.  Good at collaborating?  Yes.  Good at working with people?  Yes. Has fun working with people?  Yes  But lots of professors are all of that.

While none of that makes me unique, I do think that I have helped to redefine what success in my environment means.  I was the first of a new generation of health economists to get promoted to full professor.  The approach I took in my research was somewhat different.  And the focus I have placed on education has been somewhat different.  Have I "redefined the position"?  I would not say so.  But I know that expectations of health economists and how health economists are viewed as collaborators and contributors is different now than 17 years ago when I interviewed for the position.  I'm not fully responsible for that, but I have contributed.  It will be interesting looking ahead to whatever my career brings next to see just how much different things are in the future.  I could not predict 10 years ago where I would be now.  I'm not even going to try now to predict where I will be in 2023.  I can only say, with some certainty, that it is likely to be one wild ride with new definitions of success and what is meaningful over that period.

Bringing out the best in others?  I like to think that I have helped others to become all they can be.  I  am not sure I would say that I have necessarily brought out the best in others.  But it is certainly a worthy goal.

Hats off to Ray Lewis as his career as an NFL player comes to a close.  And hats off to anyone who strives for being the best he or she can be, helping to define what best is, and helping others to achieve the same.  

Understanding

My goal at the end of last year was to write 100 words (or more) per day.  Today, I am thinking about  understanding.

The first thing about understanding today came from my thirteen year old.  He made an interesting observation this evening.  He pointed out that he understood how I felt the other morning when I came home and proclaimed how good my bagels were after a run.  I was very excited because I had run 5+ miles for the first time in more than a week.  I was also very excited because it was the best bagel recipe I had made.  I felt energy and excitement and shared it with everyone in the house.  No one else was sharing either my energy or my excitement.  My thirteen year old acknowledged that this evening and pointed out that his excitement comes from gardening.  He ended up saying that if everyone just understood that everyone else gets excited about different things it would help to show appreciation for each other and each other's interests and help each of us in the family to be supportive of others.  Quite a nice perception for a thirteen year old.

Understanding also was part of my day in three other ways.

First, I ran with just one fellow runner rather than our usual large track/tempo group.  I appreciated the company and it gave us a chance to chat and catch up more than we had in a while.  It was nice to get an understanding of issues each faces coming up and to deal with one fitness issue--Charlie horses.  Increasing understanding of that will be helpful for me.

Second, I met with an undergraduate to discuss her interests in health promotion and public health.  It was fun to share my knowledge and to gain an understanding of the student's interests.  Understanding here will hopefully lead the student to a more informed choice about graduate school and career choices and gave me a great chance to understand what issues undergrads are dealing with these days.

Third, I had an opportunity to look over a colleague's list of accomplishments from last year.  As someone I am mentoring, it is important to me to understand what this colleague is doing and what this colleague plans to do in the future for future success.

So many different ways of understanding.  Each is critical to relating to people.  Each is critical to being part of a family or being a friend or being a mentor.  Each is critical to working with others--which is one of the most important parts of what I do.  

Sorting myself out...

Have had too many blogs.  For the record, I've posted three to an old blog that should be here:

http://p-s-wellbeing.blogspot.com/2012/12/looking-back-over-2012-and-ahead-to-2013.html

http://p-s-wellbeing.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-center-of-my-life.html

http://p-s-wellbeing.blogspot.com/2013/01/preciousness-of-life.html

St Sebastian Tattoo Step 3

So, this picture was also added to FB.  It is the first picture taken after the third visit at Have Fun Be Lucky for my tattoo.  Final step planned for January 5.  There is a building unfinished off to the left (around on the back of my calf) and there are some touch-ups to be done.  Much credit goes to Emily for all her work and the entire creative process since our first discussion last February.

The tattoo now has a well defined shaded cloud area that cuts the light post and the addition of color, but what is mostly gray (with some sepia tones) gives the entire tattoo a "darker" appearance.

I like that in general.  Martyrdom is not a happy subject although saintliness is.  And, having someone chained to a lamppost with two arrows through him is not a happy subject either.  The symbolism is all positive.  This creates an interesting contrast.

This is a good weekend for contrasts.  The tragedy in Connecticut at a societal level versus all things good at a personal level.  The readings in the Catholic church this weekend were about shouting for joy and rejoicing in the Lord, followed by questions John the Baptist on "what should we do"?  Certainly and uncertainty?  Joy and bewilderment.  Our priest even worked the  question of "what should we do" into how people might cope with the tragedy in Connecticut--asking what we can do to heal.  As individuals.  As a nation.  As a church.

Life is full of contrasts.  This is simply another weekend in which they are clearer than ever. And another weekend at the end of which I hope for signs of the brighter rather than the darker moving ahead into the future.  Another weekend during which I ponder, the country ponders, and the world ponders.  And a weekend at the end of which I hope that contrasting visions of how to solve the problem can be brought together in a meaningful way with compromise where necessary to make the world a better place and a safe place for all who care.  However, I am not confident that will occur.  I'm not even sure I'm hopeful that will occur.  I know it is possible, but I have seen little evidence to suggest that it is probable.

Do I lose hope?  No--being an eternal optimist.  Yet another contrast.  Such is life.   

What I found in my 7:26 pace on Saturday?

Saturday, four days ago, I went out with a plan to run a 7:37 pace for 13.1 miles on a foggy morning.  (The fog wasn't planned--just the state of the world.)  I wanted to see if I could keep that pace by myself in a non-race setting so that if, four months from now, a friend wanted to pace just under 1:40 for the half marathon that will be run a week before Boston I'd be able to help.  I learned a lot on Saturday morning.  First, after nearly 4 years of very serious running (and a total of seven since my return to fitness), I still can't pace very steadily.  Second, left to my own devices, even in a non-race setting, I probably need to slow down a little to get on pace.  Third, running in the fog is a lot of fun. There was a point at which I literally could not even see the lights on the other side of Lake Montebello (at least the long way across the lake) as I ran around.

I also learned that after a run like that my legs would still feel heavy two days later, but were just fine three days later as some friends and I enjoyed a wonderful track workout yesterday morning.  And one of my friends enjoyed banana bread--using my recipe--after the run.

It just so happens that last week, I was also engaged in conversation with a rabbi who is working on an introduction to a book featuring the writings of a dear friend and colleague who passed away two years ago.  In conversation with the rabbi I mentioned my interest in bib numbers, race times, and paces and spiritual meaning of them.  She introduced me to gematria which also has to do with numbers and spirituality.

It occurred to me that in my long list of other things to do this fall, despite running several very meaningful races, I had not blogged much about spirituality and numbers.

So, in the spirit of the red thread, I believe that one reason I crossed paths with this rabbi was to bring me back to my own spirituality.  And, I thought about the pace I ran over the weekend. It was faster than what I expected.  Of course, fundamentally that means it was different from what I expected.  And, when things turn out differently than what I expect, I tend to look for meaning.

So, I looked for something using the numbers in 7:26.  Something unexpected.  A reminder of something important.

I found Wisdom 7:2-6.  (So, I kept the colon where it was and just added a dash.)  First, it was useful as it led me to read the background of the Book of Wisdom.  At least on the Catholic page, it focuses on the "profound knowledge" and "intense devotion" of the writer who brought God's word to light.  Here are the verses preceded by "And in my mother’s womb I was molded into flesh":

in a ten-month period—body and blood,from the seed of a man, and the pleasure that accompanies marriage. 

And I too, when born, inhaled the common air,and fell upon the kindred earth;wailing, I uttered that first sound common to all. 

In swaddling clothes and with constant care I was nurtured. 

For no king has any different origin or birth; 

one is the entry into life for all, and in one same way they leave it. 

First of all, the ten-month period doesn't reflect a misunderstanding of human gestation. The interpretation is lunar months.

Second, why do I value these verses?  Well, it is a reminder to me.  I run fast--but I am no different from anyone else.  I have opportunities fall into my lap--but I am no different from anyone else.  I work intensely--but I am no different from anyone else.  I work long hours--but I am no different.  At the end of the day, I came into the world and will depart like everyone else.  At the end of the day, I am subjected to the same forces, the same laws of nature, the same everything as everyone else. And when all is said and done if there is a hereafter that involves judgment, I will be judged just like everyone else.  Recognizing that, I, just like everyone else, need to make the decision as to what I will respect, what I will follow, what I accept as the rules and morals that guide my life and then to live by them and bring out the best in myself and in others based on those principles.  It is not what people see or what the world values that matters.  It is that I am a part of something bigger, that there are values set by a power greater than any human, and that I respond to and am guided by those that is important.  

Red Thread

I was asked to write some thoughts about a colleague who passed away in January 2011.  The person asking for my thoughts about my wonderful colleague who was taken from the world much too soon and completely by surprise to all concerned described the request as an effort to help her to write a "red thread" chapter for a book that otherwise will focus on my colleague's writings.  Of course, referring to Alison simply as a colleague sounds so distant and shallow.  She was actually a very good friend and that is more meaningful than "colleague" alone ever could be.

More importantly, I had to look up what "red thread" meant. I honestly don't recall hearing this expression before.  Googling, I found the following website: http://www.tomorrowmakers.org/frequent-conversations/post/180177.

It describes a red thread as "connecting those who are destined to meet".  No matter when or where.

The website also offers a thought on brining human systems into order.

This is an interesting way of thinking about Alison.  Someone who knew so many people from so many different walks of life for different reasons.  Someone who meant different things to different people but had, I suspect, one thing in common in all cases--her willingness to listen, her willingness to be supportive, and her expectation that each of us would be willing to challenge ourselves in the same way and to the same degree she challenged herself.

It is interesting how a simple two word phrase can get a person thinking.  And thinking deeply about the importance of one relationship that is now only a memory (albeit one that remains alive in so many ways) and the importance of all relationships that include support, listening, and challenges.