Being Recognized, Taking Credit, and the Meaning of Gray Hairs

This was a very interesting week for a whole lot of reasons.  I think that one of the most interest set of reasons was a set of comments about me. 

First, I went to a meeting back at School of Public Health where I used to work and several people at the table commented that if they had not known it was me they would not have recognized me.  That is an interesting thing to hear from people I have known for quite some time.  But it has been almost two year so I thought about what had changed.  I used to have my hair a good bit longer.  So that is one difference.  I’ve grayed a bit over the past two years.  So that is a second difference.  And I could probably county of one hand the number of times that I wore a really sharp looking suit when I worked a the School of Public Health.  So, there were a lot of differences.  I tend to think of myself as the “same old Kevin” but I suppose I’m not.  The picture shows it.  And it is a reminder that clothes sometimes matter. 

The picture was actually “post meeting” rather than “pre-meeting.’  The picture was taken after I got what I think of as my pre-holiday haircut.  No, I’m not in elementary school needing my haircut before the Christmas picture with Santa.  But I usually find it useful to get a hair cut at this time of year. 

I have been going to the same person for a haircut for a while now and my family knew her before we started getting our hair cut by her.  So, we know her pretty well and she knows us pretty well.  She heard the story about the trials and tribulations of presenting myself well for work.  Obviously, one doesn’t make it to full professor at Johns Hopkins without being able to present oneself.  However, I was told six months ago that to continue to progress I needed to dress better and it has made a difference in how I am perceived.  The person who cuts my hair has commented very favorably on the new suit I got, on the shorts that I got with it, and on both pairs of shows and how sharp they look.

In any case, we were discussing a variety of things including my marathon run in Philadelphia.  What was interesting about that part of the conversation was her reminder to me that while it is important to acknowledge those around us who help us to get through things, we shouldn’t hesitate to give ourselves credit where credit is due.  Specifically, she pointed out that it was my decision to prepare for the race.  My decision to stick with it.  My decision to do all the workouts that were planned for me.  My decision to keep up with the paces and the mileage day after day and week after week.  And while my friend could say, “you’ve trained for just this moment,” I still had to make the choice and find the way to finish it. 

This is a reminder to me of the importance of stories.  Telling stories.  Listening to stories.  Framing stories. Relating to stories so that two people can relate to each other.

And stories did come directly into our conversation one other way.  I noticed how much grey hair fell on the floor as my hair was being cut.  I commented that I hadn’t noticed that there was so much gray.  Rachael commented back (although I can’t quote her verbatim).  Don’t worry about it.  Each gray hair is part of you.  Each gray hair is part of your story.  And you don’t notice because it doesn’t matter. 

What a healthy outlook on life. 

Experience my story.  Tell my story.  Accept my story.  And live.  

Quick PS: Up to 2160.2 miles.  Saw an interesting site on Loch Raven Boulevard this morning.  A group of crows sharing the spoils of someone's leftovers in a takeout container left on the ground in the middle of the road.  

#IRun4NyAnn

(Written Sunday.  Today there is not much to say other than that I ran 5 miles at a pace just above 9 minutes per mile.  Total miles on virtual pilgrimage: 1552.)

This weekend, those who knew NyAnn were asked to post a picture of themselves running.  So, I don’t usually take as any pictures of myself as some other running bloggers do while I am running (or have friends who take pictures of me as much), but today I stopped in three places for pictures.  

On my run, I consumed a Gu and I left my home and ran up York Rd, around the Towson by pass, and back onto York Rd to go up to the Charm City Run store in Timonium/Lutherville.  

I stopped once before I got to the store in front of a church that has an electronic sign that shows the time and temperature.  That was to show that it was actually a wonderful 53 degrees this morning when I was 4.3 miles into my run.  

Then, I took a picture in front of Charm City Run—my favorite running store.  I passed a Dunkin' Donuts along the way--never smelled so good.  At that point, I turned more or less back toward home.  Run over to Charmuth and took it all the way to Dulaney.  The hill as Charmuth ends at Dulaney is coming easier now.  Down Dulaney to Goucher.  To Joppa.  To Loch Raven.   

Going down Loch Raven I had to make a pit stop.  It has been a LONG time since I have had to make such a stop.  But at 12.25 miles, I was not going to make it another 5.75 without stopping.  Consumed my Stinger.  Ran past the IHOP--more amazing smells.  And much to my surprise (and delight) I was able to get myself back to my target speed (which was faster than I had run so far).  I had not always been able to do that in the past.  Then, at mile 16 I hit a major hill and slowed own but was able to get going again for miles 17 and 18 to be my fastest. 

What did my splits look like? 

8:19, 7:57, 8:01, 7:49, 7:46, 7:59,

7:39, 7:57, 7:52, 7:45, 7:33, 7:37

7:28, 7:28, 7:26, 7:49, 7:22, 7:22

I have thought a lot about why I run over the past few weeks.  It is clearly a very important part of my life.  It is clear that I care a lot about it.  It is clear that it helps to keep me goal driven.  It is clear that it shows my dedication and focus and drive and commitment that I like to think characterizes me in general.  My work. My parenting.  My marriage.  Sometimes, I feel that the pressures to be as dedicated and focused and driven at everything make this tough.  But it is the goal.  Sometimes I fear it doesn’t shoe in other things as it shows in my running.  But I try.

The fact that I was able to overcome a stop and a hill to go fast again shows that something has fundamentally changed for me.  Maybe it is mental.  Maybe it has to do with thinking about NyAnn and how hard she ran and the fact that she can never run again. And appreciating that I can run.  Maybe it has to do with my primary running partner for three years and thinking about how hard it will be for her to come back to running at some point and appreciating that I can still run. 

Maybe it is spiritual. A greater connection with my tattoo than ever.  St. Sebastian never gave up.  He just kept going and was essentially martyred twice.  I write a lot about the women in the tattoo.  She in many ways seems primary as the tattoo was designed.  The area covered by her dress and the single color dominates the scene.  That was be design and it is fine.  But the base is St. Sebastian.  He was the one who was ultimately martyred.  I do not associate what I am doing  with martyrdom, but I do relate to the fact that he kept going despite understanding the expected consequences of continuing on his path.  Nothing could stop him.  Why should I let anything stop me in my goal to reach a marathon time?  Wherever I draw strength from it is there. 

And maybe it is physical.  That my training is being guided by a new plan.  A harder plan.  A more difficulty plan.  A plan with more miles at higher speeds that makes a difference.  I can get over the hill and not feel like I have lost the battle when I get to the top.  No, I have won the battle and now it is time to press on for more.  To go for the win!  (To quote my boss.)  Whatever the combination, it is fundamentally different than in the past and it bodes well for the marathon in Philly. 

I have not commented on the virtual pilgrimage aspect in a while.  I am now at 1547 miles on my pilgrimage.  I am in Oklahoma.  The last major town I would have passed is Guymon, Oklahoma.  The Catholic church there is St. Peters.  I have commented on St. Peter before.  What does he bring to mind today?  Leadership.  He was the first head of the church, after all.  And I think about being a leader.  I think about the many different ways of being a leader.  I think about the roles of leadership.  Teaching a class is leading.  Raising kids is leading.  Organizing an informal running group is leading.  My job is leading.  I look for more opportunities.  To prepare for leadership, Peter followed Jesus and was given an assignment that he may or may not have been looking for.  I know that I am looking for more leadership opportunities moving forward.  I hope that I will be good a them.  And I hope that all the lessons I take from running—dedication, focus, drive, commitment, going for the win—show up in my leadership too. 

One more quick reflection.  In yesterday's readings for the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross (explained in detail by Fr. Sam) he talked about power coming from knowing the people--downward mobility as he called it.  I hope that if I ever get to be Dean or Provost, I don't forget that I was one of the people.