Through My Eyes on on Sunday Morning

This is a rewrite of yesterday's blog entry. Somehow when I was trying to get it to look better, the entire thing disappeared. So this is a quick rewrite on 1/13/14 of an entry initially written on 1/12/14. The key is that my day began at 5:30. I didn't wake Sherry up quite as early as she had hoped, but I did have a smoothie to her by 6. The, working with Daniel I had the cranberry sauce made and the start of a bread dough (was hoping for chewy rolls but it turned out to be more like focaccia) by 7 AM. Then, go ready to run and got a picture with my dog before the run. She was happy to see me ready to go outside but disappointed that I went without her.  You can see that I had my windbreaker on.  I was worried about the rain.  I took my phone with a camera with me.  I took pictures along the way, and thought about what I saw.  In short, the first picture was of the sun rising.  The second picture was just a little further along as you can see the first hints of yellow and orange at the horizon.  I originally went up Highwood, across Lake, down Chinquapin, up Northern, up the Alameda, and then across Regester.  The picture taken on Regester shows the sun hitting just the tops of the trees.  I love the contrasts.  I have written about contrasts many times.  The next picture was the end of the snow from after the Christmas season on Stevenson.  The snow fell just after the new year when some children were still on Christmas break from school.  The dirty snow represents the end of the season in one way.  The discarded tree on Gittings represents the end of the season in another way.  The next picture is a shot of the muted sunrise once I returned near home.  Mostly just a lot of gray and white.  Then my time.  A very easy run.  Then, two pictures with my dog after walking her.  One in which she surprised me and a second in which she was just showing her affection.  Then, the dough shaped into what I hoped would be rolls.  Later the rolls as they were baked.  Then, the rolls as they were served for lunch with brie and the cranberry sauce.  

The interesting thing between the completion of the run and walking the dog (the run brought me up to 72 miles from St Pius which puts me on PA 16 just west of I 81 and east of US 11 near Greencastle PA) was teachins Sunday school.  The chapter started out with Matthew 25:34-36 where Jesus talked about feeding the hungry and helping the thirsty, naked, ill, strangers, and prisoners.  We talked about that and we talked about Jesus's infancy (and being presented in the temple with Anna and Simeon recognizing him as the Messiah), then Jesus at the temple as a twelve year old, then Jesus teaching as an adult.  I got the kids to think about how they had grown in the church from infants to where they are now (singing, sitting still, paying attention, bringing up gifts) and what they might do as adults.  Some kids knew what they wanted to do.  Others struggled.  It was interesting to see what they came up with.

What a day!

Looking Back and Looking Ahead--A Review and Some New Thoughts

Always good to look back and look ahead.  Here is what I wrote last year looking ahead to 2013…

(10) Keep running in the right place in my life—it should promote physical, mental, and social well being—the gold old health triangle we learned in high school health ed class.  It should also promote spiritual well-being. If it ever interferes with those re-assess. I think I was successful on this one.  Some may argue too much running, but it did everything it was supposed to do, and I have been trying to balance.

(9) While keeping it in the right place in my life, don't forget that there are some real goals. Mile on the track under 5:40.  2-mile on the track under 12:00.  5K—wherever—under 19:30.  Complete Boston—and if the weather permits aim for 3:10.  Half marathon closer to 1:30.  10 miler closer to 1:10.  Achieved some goals here.  Ran Boston but didn’t even break 3:15.  Ran a 19:10 5K.  Did not do so many timed track workouts this year.  Ran a half marathon distance at sub-7:00/mile pace although not in a race.  Continuing to get stronger. 

(8) Continue to be creative.  Maybe art.  Maybe words.  I'd say 10-15 minutes per day.  Could be a little verse.  Could be a little progress in my ongoing attempts to write longer stuff.  Could be a blog entry.  Could even just be some project like the silk tie I did earlier this week.  Just to keep that part of my brain in high gear.  This year lots of words.  Some “art” in the sense of taking pictures and beginning to think about how combining my pictures (or other people’s pictures) and my words might make a more effective message to share.  Below is a combination of words and pictures that I gave Sherry for Christmas.

(7) Think about next career steps.  Who knows what they may be?  The key is that even as a full professor, there are things to think about.  Even if I stay a full professor at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health for the remainder of my career, the job will change.  And there may be opportunities within JHU (or someday in the future outside JHU) that would bring about even more changes and hopefully changes that would challenge me and engage me in new ways.  And while my well-being now is about stability, my well-being once the kids are out of high school and college will depend on what I see as my next steps.  So, I might as well start thinking now.  So last year when I wrote this, I was interviewing for the position I now have, but not telling a whole lot of people.  I got the position.  So, check!

(6) Continue to grow spiritually.  I have stopped writing about every single bib number and race time.  That was fun.  But I have found many new inspirations for my spirituality including the tattoo that is now nearly finished.  That turned out to be an interesting part of my art experience last years as it really has become much like a piece of commissioned artwork that I always have with me and really participated in a two-person (me and the artist) effort to bring about a vision of symbolism that I had.  Finished getting the tattoo.  Wrote three sets of compiled blog entries.  And really have a feel for spirituality meaning recognizing that I am a part of something bigger and that there are lots of connections to make and to share. .  

(5) Continue to play an active role at St. Pius X.  I don't see that changing for any reason--but it is just worth putting out there.  No matter what other pressures may come and go, the stability of my involvement in Sunday school and the worship band--each with its own set of ups and downs--is definitely like a rock for my to stand on in my faith and in my life.  I’ve continued to teach for religious ed, help Mae when needed, and play in an occasional mass on my bass guitar.  Check!

(4) Continue to mentor.  The experience or mentoring has been a gift to me as much as anything from me over the past several years.  I have a new student to mentor in the Penn State Schreyer Honors College and there are other opportunities for mentorship as well.  I’ve continued to be in touch with one of my old mentees, reached out to a few more, and taken on mentoring as an important part of the job. Check!

(3) Help my two oldest on the path to figuring out where they will go to college and high school respectively.  While the process will not be completely finished one year from today, it will be well on its way.  We are on our way.  Check!

(2) Remember that I would not be where I am without the help of others.  This is part of what I reflected in my artistic vision last year and what I hope to continue to reflect this year.  This is part of my spirituality.  It is part of my professional mentoring.  It is part of my family relationships.  It is part of being a good neighbor.  I am ultimately responsible for me.  But I am not responsible for just me.  And in the same way, I know that I have truly benefitted from having so many around me who are not only interested in benefitting themselves but who are interested in lifting up others.  When I am taking credit, I must give credit where credit is due. And when I am deciding how to act, I should remember to act with others in mind.  During this year, I have thanked many and shared my writing with many.  I could probably still do a little better at work.  Check!

(1) Be the best family member I can be.  Husband, father, son, brother, and so many more rolls.  All important.  All provide ways to lift others up.  All provide ways to reflect on what others have done to lift me up.  And all provide ways to show God's greatness in blessing me and my family with abundance. Not sure how I would rate according to my family, but I keep on trying.

For the year ahead, there will be some repeats and some new interpretations:

(10) Run.  Do it a lot.  But keep it in its place.  Use it as a focal point.  Use it for goal setting.  Use it for friendship building.  Use it to seek meaning.

(9) Keep teaching Sunday School.  I really like working with kids, introducing them to things about our faith and introducing them to things about St. Pius.  And teaching is the ultimate learning experience and I love to learn.

(8) Keep writing.  Use it to sort things out and use it to find meaning.  Use it to share.

(7) Find a place for music.  I can’t imagine myself getting back in a worship band any time soon but I have to find a place for some music.  It is another good release.

(6) Bake more.  I know that I bake more than most, but I am stuck in a bit of a rut.  So maybe the key here is to bake a wider variety of things.

(5) Take more pictures.  This is a different take on art than last year.  One that I can manage.  And one that I can turn into “art” but using effects with the pictures and mixing and matching pictures in collages and matching them with my words to ell stories.

(4) While I have access to all types of electronic technologies, but them down more.  There is a time for being connected electronically and a time to just turn it off.

(3) Recognize my limitations more.  This goes along with many of the things I wrote in the Epilogue to the Spirituality of Advent 2013.  When all is said and done, I am just a speck in the bigger world.  My life is just a blink in the history of time.  And I have to realize that I can’t do everything for everyone all the time.

(2) Structure my time better.  Structure will help with focus.  Focus will improve performance in so many areas.

(1) Remember that family comes first.  There will be times that I will be called on to do things for work, especially in my job now, that make it seem like family is not first.  That family has to wait.  But in the bigger picture, family has to come first.  I think that finding a way to make family first “on net” without it having to be first every second of every day is a real challenge.  A challenge for me to do.  And a challenge for my family to accept and work into our family life.  But I keep trying.

Happy 2014!

The Spirituality of Advent, Day 5, Week 2

Today, I will write about preparation for teaching and how that relates to spirituality.  To prepare to teach I have to do a number of things: master the subject I am teaching, know something about the students I am teaching, and determine the best way to reach the students.

To master the subject I am teaching is really subjective.  Some things that I teach, I have truly mastered.  Others, I know just a bit more than my students.  Regardless, I have to know something.  And in a spirituality sense, this is like making sure that I understand even what it is that I am searching for when it comes to spirituality.  What is spirituality?  Why do I care?  I have to be in touch with myself enough to know when I know enough to feel comfortable.  For spirituality, I have to know when I can look deep enough for it to matter.

Second, I must understand something about those whom I teach.  This means understanding their interest.  Understanding their motivation.  Understanding what they know.  Even understanding how they learn.  Understanding what I can learn from them.  Do they ask questions?  Do they just sit and listen?  Do they benefit from movement?  Do they benefit from competition?  In the sense of spirituality this means being in touch with the other side.  What am I reaching for?  What might I gain from others?  What do I want to share with others?  What do others want to share with me?  What does being part of a spiritual community mean?

Third, I must plan.  Different activities.  Different communication.  Different questions.  Different discussions.  Different prompts.  Different expressions.  Here the connection to spirituality is actually quite simple.  All of these matter.  I need to do different things to experience spirituality.  It only involves going to church sometimes.  I am as likely to experience spirituality on the NCR trail or running around the lake at Druid Hill Park at sunrise.  I like to write.  I play music, sometimes.  Sometimes I write prose.  Sometimes I write poetry.  Sometimes I just ponder.  Sometimes I pray.  I ask myself and the members of my spiritual community different questions.   I have needs for different discussions at different times.

And all of this can be in preparation for spiritual experiences in general.

And all of this helps to prepare me for the spiritual celebration of the coming of Jesus.

The Spirituality of Advent, Day 1, Week 2

Based on the website I wrote about at the start of Advent, the second candle represents preparation.  Spiritually, it is preparation for the experience of the coming of the Savior. Without the Savior coming, there would be no resurrection based on Christian tradition.  Thus, this is an important preparation.

Preparation for welcoming the Savior.  And when welcoming the Savior, welcoming all of creation.  Welcome the sick.  Welcoming the poor.  Welcoming the hungry.  Welcoming the thirsty.  Welcoming those who need people in their lives.  Welcoming all.  Because Jesus, in Matthew 25, talked about how each time when we do something for one of the least of humanity (whether naked, sick, poor, hungry, in prison, etc.) we do it for Him.

I see being prepared and being hopeful as going hand in hand.  One way to be prepared to welcome anyone is to be hopeful that it will be a positive interaction--under any circumstances.  To be hopeful that the good in the human spirit will dominate.  To be hopeful that no matter what has happened in the past the good in me and the good in the person I am meeting with will come out in a conversation and interaction.

I am prepared to think that everyone has a good side.

But that is not all that preparation is about, of course.  During this week, I think I will talk about preparation for an examination of my life to see how I would measure up if Jesus returned now (the coming back of the Savior), preparation for my own mortality (one last entry after last week's series and some thinking about what would happen if I did not have any more time to prepare for Jesus), preparation to address my own vulnerabilities, preparation for running, preparation for teaching, and preparation for cooking. 

The last three are preparations for things I love doing in life and good examples of the importance of preparation on a day to day basis.  They will serve as archetypal representations of preparing for things on my own or with others.  This should be a fascinating week to explore ideas that are critical to the idea of preparation both in spirit and non-spiritual issues that are at least tangentially related to spirituality.  

Self-Actualization

Yesterday (Sunday, November 10) I had a wonderful day that included a run with a training partner with whom I had not run in three months, teaching about the Beatitudes, preparing a homemade stromboli, and mass.  All four of these are part of what I think about when I consider Maslow's triangle--ranging from shelter, safety, and food up to self-actualization.

In particular, I was thinking about the issue of self-actualization during mass.  The worship band that I played with off and on for seven years, is now down to about seven people--two guitars, a drummer, a piano player, and three singers.  One of the singers does extra percussion sometimes.  And all but the drummer sing.  Still, the group sometimes jokes that it is now "20 More Days" rather than "40 More Days" since it is about half the size it used to be.

As I was singing along with the band as part of the congregation, I was considering whether I miss playing my bass.   I decided that there was really no question.  I do miss playing my bass.  But I also asked, what would I miss more?

Would I miss playing my bass more than teaching Sunday School?  No.

Would I miss playing my bass more than all the baking I do?  No.

Would I miss playing my bass more than running?  No.

On the running issue, yesterday was a particularly good day for running.  I was out on the NCR trail.  The trail was soft and somewhat soggy in places.  The running was soft on the knees and muscles and other joints.  We ran an 8 minute mile pace--a very comfortable pace compared to most of the training we had every done together.  There were colorful fallen leaves on the trail.  I met my training partner just as the sun was rising.  It was a beautiful morning. 

All three of baking, running, and teaching are more important to me than bass playing.  I had to give up something, so I gave up playing bass in the worship band.

Maybe I will return to playing bass at some point.  Maybe just for fun.  Maybe for a worship band again.

Or maybe I will finally learn to play the mandolin.

I guess it is a "first world problem" to have to choose which of several things that could all be important for self-actualization are the ones I will choose to continue and the ones I will choose to give up.

I have only ever commented that running is what I do to reach the top of Maslow's triangle--particularly contrasting it with running for basic safety and food.

As I think about my choice, baking is something that was traditionally for the lowest level of Maslow's triangle.  I am now doing it as part of my self-actualziation as well.  I find myself feeling a sense of fulfillment with my baking.

I also think that I achieve fulfillment in my teaching.  Being involved in the educational process is what I was meant to do in my career and in my work with the church.

It is so interesting to think about how all the pieces of life fit together and what brings fulfillment and what does not.  And what brings more and what brings less.  And how I have made choices and how I will continue to make choices.  It reminds me of the verses in Ecclesiastes about a time for things and a time not for things.  I have determined it is not the time for music.  It continues to be the time for other sings.

So it goes.   

40 Days to Better: Day 22

This morning I woke up to a request from my 17 year old son's girlfriend of more than two years. She had a fitness class assignment and was looking for five people (of whom, Sherry and I ended up being two) to answer a series of questions. I answered the five questions before 4 AM (I was up early after an exhausting week and weekend and having gone to sleep very early on Sunday night). When I told her I hoped the answers were not too long but that fitness is something I care a lot about she answered that she knew I care a lot about fitness.  

While Kelsey knows that I care about fitness, I'm not sure if she has any appreciation for how fast I run.  She simply knows that fitness matters to me.   Parenthetically, on this day when I ran four miles, after my ten fastest miles by myself on Saturday, I found that I was running four of the slowest by myself in a long time.  

Leaving the time behind, having a teen thinking of me for being really into fitness brings me to today's thought or lesson or whatever I might call it on the road to better.  That is to appreciate the gifts I have for a while. Build them up?  Yes. But for a while just take the gifts and don't try to build or learn new ones.

Am I saying the proverbial, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks?"  No.  In fact I think there is still a lot for me to learn in a wide variety of areas. 

What I am saying is that I am known for some things. I am known because I have proven that I am good at them.  I have proven that I can stick with them. And I know I can continue to improve and get better at them. But it is good just to stick with them. Deepen rather than widen my talents. Grow what I have rather than diversify. So many different ways of expressing what I am thinking. 

So what am I known for?  Breads. Administration. Running. Teaching. Those initials could be read as BART.  (Although I'm not sure I want to think of the Simpsons when it comes to considering what I am known for) Or BRAT, I suppose, although that term would be even less something I would want to have associated with me. 

I suppose you could add marriage and parenting. Not that I am perfect at either of those (or any of the first four). Or even close on any.  Just known.  

For example, being married at age 22 and staying married for 21 years so far and having three successful boys (each in his own way) are things that make a positive impression on people. Running the Boston marathon makes an impression. Success with bread and my job make an impression. 

So moving ahead, I look forward to strengthening and deepening. Growing--but controlled growth. My road to better is a planned and deliberate road to better making use of the assets I already have when I take the time to think about it.

40 Days to Better: Day 21

Today is another non-running day as are most Sundays now.  That is fine.  A day of rest after a hard run and a therapeutic massage is not a bad thing.

As for today's lesson it will be brief, as there is a lot to do today.

Today's lesson at St. Pius X for third graders will include the completion of last week's lesson.  In last week's lesson we talked about how God speaks to people.  One example is the story of the road to Emmaus.  On that, God, as part of the Holy Trinity, was in the form of the risen Jesus.  

I have always loved the story.  

There are certain aspects of the story that I find particularly appealing--especially how the disciples eventually identify Jesus through the breaking of the bread.  Bread is a constant theme in my life, and if I ever get a second tattoo (and I am not sure that I will) bread will be an important feature.

In any case, this is the first wedding anniversary for two friends of mine who had a wonderful wedding ceremony last year on Saturday September 22.  

The gospel story of the Road to Emmaus was the gospel reading at their Catholic wedding.

It is a wonderful story but I never really thought of it as something for a wedding.  I had always presumed that the two disciples on the road were men.  My one friend pointed out that there are some interpretations suggesting it was a man and woman.  What a wonderful story then for thinking about recognizing Christ together as part of a couple's spiritual life.

This is just one example of looking for second meanings and then thinking of how a second interpretation can be translated into a new insight, a new meaning, a new lesson, and something new to help me act.

I am sure that lesson can be carried over to other parts of my life to help me on my road to better.

Catholic Reading of the Day

Today's mass's Gospel reading (Mark 12:28-34) is interesting for a couple reasons.  A scribe asks Jesus about the greatest commandment.  Jesus mentions loving God above all else (which includes following God that I mentioned yesterday) and then loving your neighbor as yourself.  I try to use the latter as a guide for my life.  A couple years ago I was reading the Old Testament and found a similar quote, but read a footnote talking about how it was different in the Old and New as the Old was aimed just at the community of Israelites whereas the New was about everyone.  What is even more interesting about the reading as I look at it this morning is not the first and second commandments of love as Jesus stated, but what comes next in Mark's interpretation.  In Mark's interpretation the scribe interprets what Jesus said back to Jesus.  Jesus comments on his understanding and says he is not far from the Kingdom of God.  Could mean destined for heaven--although that is not what Jesus said.  Could just mean that if the scribe follows what he said, he will be closer to bringing the Kingdom of God to its manifestation here on earth, which is what we are all meant to do.  What is even more interesting is that after that no one dared ask Jesus any more questions.  On the one hand, perhaps his statement was taken as ultimately authoritative.  On the other hand, I find it interesting that a divine teacher would be described as so "overwhelming" that his followers didn't want to ask him anything.  That is certainly not how I or most teachers I know want the world to work.  I ponder why that is there, what it meant, and how to avoid that in my own teaching--both professionally and spiritually to 3rd graders in Sunday School.  This year's class has actually been particularly good at asking questions.  I hope my future classes will be as well.  There are very few times when I would want things to be "not like Jesus" (crucifixion being an obvious exception).  But this, interestingly, is one.      

The Joy of Teaching

So, yesterday I received an email from my teaching assistant that included the following:

Students are finding the course to be very different and challenging and "refreshing" and some students in particular talked about how they can tell that you really enjoy teaching and how great that is.  

I wrote back that even with my two Golden Apples on the bookshelf in my office, comments like this mean the world to me.  This is a course in which each class begins with me providing some background on an article we will discuss, having a couple of students try to lead a discussion, and then my going over and elaborating on certain points.  What do I bring to class?  Just a copy of the article and a few hand written notes.  No power point slides.  I use chalk at the chalk board.  And I ask students to write after almost every class putting to use the logic they are learning.  The discussion is completely organic.  I do have some ideas of what I want to cover but how much detail, how much elaboration, and how I transition from one topic to the next emerges as I teach.  It is a wonderful "old school" teaching style.  And while I enjoy teaching in general, it is just as refreshing for me as it is for the students as I have never had a chance to teach this way before.  And the whole time, I am thinking about what I need to cover, pacing myself, and thinking about how to link everything together.  It is an amazing experience and I am glad that students appreciate that.  This is why I love to teach.  And this is why I am so glad that my next career move if going to be toward a position that is even more concerned about education than I am now.   

What was my race time last Sunday? And What Inspiration Can I Find?

I went into the 20 mile race on Sunday hoping to run the distance in 2 hours 26 minutes. In the end, my published time was 2:36:26.  I thought that the originally published time was off a bit, but perhaps I was so out of it after the race on Sunday, that I couldn't read straight across to see what my time was.  The 2:36 time is about what my watch had.  And, there is a lesson there.

I had a hard time finding an inspirational verse to go along with a time of 2:26.  But when I thougth a little harder and was guided by the 2:36 time I ran and thought about my own behavior in an argument last night, I came to Proverbs 2:3-6 where the blessings of wisdom are being discussed:

Yes, if you call for intelligence,
and to understanding raise your voice;
If you seek her like silver,
and like hidden treasures search her out,
Then will you understand the fear of the LORD;
the knowledge of God you will find;
For the LORD gives wisdom,
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding

In short, a reminder that God is the source of wisdom.  God is the source of knowledge and understanding.  These come from God's mouth.  

From my own mouth?  Sometimes a lack of wisdom.  Sometimes a lack of understanding.  Sometimes wonderful examples of the incivility that I discussed in the last blog entry.  

Sometimes in-person discussions can be easier to work around incivility because I have a chance to explain something I said.  Other times in person discussions contribute to incivility as there is not the time to process what I am saying and to ponder it before I write it down.  

These four verses just serve as a simple reminder to me to look for the same inspiration as to my behavior, my wisdom, my understanding, and my civility for my life at home as for my blogging and my interaction with the rest of the world.  And a reminder that sometimes that premise is a fail for me. So, I have to continue to work harder at living up to showing how my inspiration leads to better outcomes in home life as much as it does in writing, advising, teaching, and running.

Vision Board II in Text Part II: A Golden Apple

As I continue to think about what my second vision board would contain, I turn to the idea of the golden apple--and how it symbolizes teaching.  It represents the center of my of my professional life.  It represents the highest goal that I have for the remainder of my professional life--to be the best educator that I can be.  Educator, for me, means a combination of teaching and showing students how to do research and teaching them about being professionals.  I'm not always sure I do the last of these very well, but it is something that I strive for.  All three of the things I listed are "teaching" but not all teaching in the classroom.  Teaching can be so much more.

I am fortunate enough to have been awarded two Golden Apple awards at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.  They involved teaching online.  That is somewhat like teaching in the classroom, but not identical by any means.  There may or may not be more awards in my career.  Whether there are or not does not affect my desire to teach.  My passion about teaching.  Regardless of whether I ever get more awards, the two awards I have received symbolize my emphasis on teaching.  It has been a big part of my life in the time since I began graduate school and it will continue to be a big part of my life as long as I continue to be a faculty member somewhere.

As I envision how this would fit with the first element of my second vision board (bread) I see different types of bread around a golden apple.  The bread is the sustenance.  The golden apple is central to my existence.

Why is teaching so central to my existence.  Because while I have emphasized teaching within a graduate school setting so far, that is not the only opportunity I have for teaching.  Obviously teaching can be of my own kids too.  Teaching can be within the Sunday school setting (and although having St. Sebastian in my first vision board shows that I value spreading the word of God, the element of teaching about the word of God now becomes front and center).  Teaching can be within the community.  Teaching can occur any time, any place where I am with someone.

I also like to think of teaching by example.  Teaching by my behavior.  Teaching by my choices.  Teaching by what I do as much as by what I say.  Teaching by showing how to use what I teach and not just teaching things for the sake of the information itself.

Finally, I not only hope to continue to use my teaching skills but I hope to continue to improve my teaching skills.  Just because I am good at something does not mean that I should not continue to make an investment to be even better.  It is intellectually stimulating.  And it is what my students deserve.