The Spirituality of Advent, Day 3, Week 1

Looking back at yesterday's blog entry all I can say is that it showed how little faith I have sometimes.  Looking forward from yesterday, I can say that I, who was part of the ministry team, received what was probably some of the most powerful ministering yesterday.  Funny how that happens sometimes.  I hope others received something from my ministry as well--in fact, I'm sure some people did based on comments.  

The biggest thing that from yesterday's blog entry that was proven absolutely wrong was that I would be surrounded by people but somehow feeling alone.  I can assure you that did not happen.

Matthew 18:20 should have given me a clue in advance that I would not need to worry:

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

There were many gathered in God's name yesterday to honor Greg Smith.  To read about the man I was there to honor here is a link to the obituary.  I heard one friend in the worship band describe him as a "mover and a shaker."

The obituary, the number of people at church (a standing room only Catholic church), the stories told about him during the homily (Fr. Hank Hilton focused again and again on Greg's grateful heart), the stories told about him during the eulogy that his brother made it through without losing it all point to one thing--how much he was loved.

And seeing that, I cannot think of how anyone in the church, myself included, could have felt alone.

I received one hug that I needed.  I gave one hug that someone else needed.  And I felt the joy and power of the experiences that so many had had along the way of the life we were celebrating.  

No matter what has kept me from playing my bass with the worship band since Confirmation (lack of time due to the new job or otherwise), yesterday was a true blessing.  

A blessing that the group I played with still cares about me.

A blessing that after six months, I was weak in a few spots, but I had pretty much not lost my touch with the bass.

A blessing to hear of the love that so many felt for and from the man whose life we were celebrating.

A blessing to see how many people could come together to celebrate life, support the family, and support each other.

The thought that maybe this is what I teach my children about in Sunday school sometimes--if there ever was an example of how we can experience God's kingdom here on earth, the inside of St. Pius X yesterday between 10 and 11:30 was it.  A unity of purpose.  A serene experience.  Nothing but love.  

I wouldn't have been surprised if there was a halo of light around the church yesterday representing the glory and power of God for all the world to see.  

Hope was waning when I wrote yesterday morning.  I could talk about the hope of resurrection but I felt an emptiness of hope inside my heart.

Hope has been restored heading into the rest of the week and beyond.  I must remember Matthew 18:20 and recognize that that alone should give me hope when I am gathered with others to truly focus on God's gifts.

Hope is waiting for me to keep it close to my heart as long as I want to.  It is only when I let go that it ceases to be there.  

Self-Actualization

Yesterday (Sunday, November 10) I had a wonderful day that included a run with a training partner with whom I had not run in three months, teaching about the Beatitudes, preparing a homemade stromboli, and mass.  All four of these are part of what I think about when I consider Maslow's triangle--ranging from shelter, safety, and food up to self-actualization.

In particular, I was thinking about the issue of self-actualization during mass.  The worship band that I played with off and on for seven years, is now down to about seven people--two guitars, a drummer, a piano player, and three singers.  One of the singers does extra percussion sometimes.  And all but the drummer sing.  Still, the group sometimes jokes that it is now "20 More Days" rather than "40 More Days" since it is about half the size it used to be.

As I was singing along with the band as part of the congregation, I was considering whether I miss playing my bass.   I decided that there was really no question.  I do miss playing my bass.  But I also asked, what would I miss more?

Would I miss playing my bass more than teaching Sunday School?  No.

Would I miss playing my bass more than all the baking I do?  No.

Would I miss playing my bass more than running?  No.

On the running issue, yesterday was a particularly good day for running.  I was out on the NCR trail.  The trail was soft and somewhat soggy in places.  The running was soft on the knees and muscles and other joints.  We ran an 8 minute mile pace--a very comfortable pace compared to most of the training we had every done together.  There were colorful fallen leaves on the trail.  I met my training partner just as the sun was rising.  It was a beautiful morning. 

All three of baking, running, and teaching are more important to me than bass playing.  I had to give up something, so I gave up playing bass in the worship band.

Maybe I will return to playing bass at some point.  Maybe just for fun.  Maybe for a worship band again.

Or maybe I will finally learn to play the mandolin.

I guess it is a "first world problem" to have to choose which of several things that could all be important for self-actualization are the ones I will choose to continue and the ones I will choose to give up.

I have only ever commented that running is what I do to reach the top of Maslow's triangle--particularly contrasting it with running for basic safety and food.

As I think about my choice, baking is something that was traditionally for the lowest level of Maslow's triangle.  I am now doing it as part of my self-actualziation as well.  I find myself feeling a sense of fulfillment with my baking.

I also think that I achieve fulfillment in my teaching.  Being involved in the educational process is what I was meant to do in my career and in my work with the church.

It is so interesting to think about how all the pieces of life fit together and what brings fulfillment and what does not.  And what brings more and what brings less.  And how I have made choices and how I will continue to make choices.  It reminds me of the verses in Ecclesiastes about a time for things and a time not for things.  I have determined it is not the time for music.  It continues to be the time for other sings.

So it goes.   

Comfortable Miles

This morning I slept "in" (not getting up till 5:30) and then got out to run just before 6 AM for what turned out to be just four comfortable miles.  The paces were 8:46, 8:24, 8:18, 7:55.  Those are much slower than the first four miles I ran yesterday (7:22, 7:19, 6:56, 7:06) on my way to a 7:07 pace (a correction from what I thought was 7:03 yesterday).  But that is okay, today was a "recovery" run and yesterday turned out to be more of a tempo run than a long slow run anyway.

While I commented in yesterday's entry that I was working hard enough not to be thinking very hard about anything other than "keep going at this pace," I would still call the pace "comfortably hard".  That is a term that I borrow from one of the Charm City Run coaches.  When I crossed paths with the training group yesterday, I believe that the coach for this season is Marie but another long-time participant and coach (John) was leading the run yesterday.  He told everyone to just take it easy yesterday (I did my run beforehand and had already completely ignored the advice).  But John is the coach who used to suggest that we seek a pace that was "comfortably hard" for our tempo runs.

Today was just comfortable--rather than comfortably hard.  After the fast/easy/medium paces I ran yesterday, my legs were tight and then slowly came to life as I continued to run.  Each of the four miles this morning was comfortable as I went from my neighborhood around the Cedarcroft and then back around my own neighborhood again.

The key lesson for today is there is a lot to say about using comfortable pace as a guide.  It is a guide to running.  If I am running at a pace that is comfortable I don't tend to get injured.  Injuries happen when I push too hard.  And comfortable can range from comfortably hard to just plain comfortable for me to comfortable for someone with whom I am pacing.  Each has its role.

But the idea of a comfortable pace applies to other things in life as well.  Am I working at a comfortable pace at work?  I'd say it is usually comfortably hard rather than just comfortable.  When I push too hard I do not get "injured" but I am much more likely to make errors in judgment.

The development of interpersonal relationships is another great example of something for which comfortable pace can be important.  Even in friendship there is a pace at which sharing develops and with which individuals can be comfortable.  Sometimes too much information too quickly can make the pace uncomfortable.  Then there can be misinterpretation.

Learning a musical instrument (like my approach to bass as an adult) is another thing where comfortable pace can be important.  Too fast can lead to frustration.

For each of these the definition of what is "comfortable" and how "pace" is measured is different.  But each part of my life can be guided by trying to figure out how to proceed with confidence and in a way that promotes ideal progression without missteps that can lead to injury, errors in judgment, misinterpretation, or frustration.  All of which lead to poor outcomes.  None of which are ideal.  

Monday Morning Reflections after the First Sunday of Lent

In today's Catholic mass readings, I'm not finding anything that speaks to me quite as much as the past few days, although in the reading from Leviticus (19:1-2, 11-18), it mentions "love your neighbor as yourself".  When I read through part of the Old Testament, it made a big impression on me that this appeared in the Old Testament as I thought it was new when Jesus said it.  I recall reading one interpretation was that neighbor meant something different in the two cases--extending from other Israelites in Moses's case to everyone in Jesus's.

I also want to share my experience playing at mass last night. I have not been asked to sing in a while, but I think that I am going to go back to practicing singing and playing my bass together on a regular basis whether I am given a microphone at Sunday mass or not.  I enjoyed singing and playing.  And I found that after the amount of time I have been back and practicing slightly more complex bass parts that while I did have to lay off the complexity in a few songs, in general, I was able to manage the same bas parts I'd play otherwise while singing.  I'll see how it goes moving forward, but in light of recent blog entries about being "all in" it seems fitting for me to focus my efforts on that as part of my participation in the music ministry.  

The Healing Power of Music

Today was the first time I had played my bass in nearly two weeks (having been away for the one Sunday mass between Christmas Eve and now).  After mass today (at mass was where I played bass), I was speaking with my 13 year old who commented that I sounded a lot better than I did earlier in the day.  I commented in return that while my voice/throat was feeling somewhat better, just playing my bass during mass (particularly for a couple of the more upbeat songs), I felt better.  At that point, he threw in a comment about "the healing power of music".

It was a fascinating comment because the Maryland State Boychoir (with which he sings) has a concert each year with a local hospital called the healing power of music.  

It was a fascinating comment because I truly believe that music has healing, uplifting, energizing power.  Whether my son was just joking because of the annual concert or he really belies it.  

Finally, it was a fascinating comment because I remember back to a first conversation I had with a student I was mentoring who was interested in health and music, and I commented that she should consider music therapy.  (Now, she remains interested in a career that will involve making people's lives better and she remains interested in music, but I don't see music therapy in her future.)

And throughout life, music has always had a healing power.  It can be a focal point to focus on something other than what you need healing from.  It can be something that helps you think through an issue.  Sometimes it is the words.  Sometimes it is the melody or harmony.  Regardless, music can very often have healing powers.  

I won't deny that there is some music that can have destructive power as well given some lyrics, but where I have looked, I have always been able to find healing.  As I try to shake the last bit of a cold I have, perhaps something about music alongside my family and my running will help me to heal and be ready to take on another busy week at work.