Work with Your Body Toward Renewal and Leaving Behind Arbitrary Goals

Today's entry will be a complex weaving of several threads.  

First, I ran a 10x400 workout this morning.  I had hoped to get down to Dunbar.  Instead, I ran at Gilman.  About 2.3 miles before my first 400.  Then ten 400's with 8 of 10 at 1:26 and one of the other two two seconds faster and the other one two seconds slower.  Why I had variation in #3 and #4 but otherwise just ran consistently, I'll never know.  Interesting to do it all alone.  Interesting to do it without being able to see splits for the early ones--too dark and light not working.  But I was glad to have a fully lap-functioning watch.  Comment about working with my body?  How I described today's workout.  With a goal of breaking 19:00 at a 5K on Memorial Day weekend, I don't have to run super fast.  In fact, running super fast right now would just do one thing--increase the probability of injury.  What I need to do is to train my body at a speed that will feel fast but under control.  That is what I ran today.  Ten 400's that were under control.  I could tell my body was doing work.  But it wasn't fighting for survival.  It wasn't going all out.  It was just working.  Working with my body makes me think of two other things.  One, Sherry's experience with childbirth and our taking Bradley instead of Lamaze classes. The emphasis is working with your body.  It reminds me of getting a therapeutic massage or my tattoo.  In each case, I just let my "self" go and trusted the person working with me to do what I needed/asked for.  Release.  Trust.  Harmony.  It even makes me think of Waldorf education and how it is intended to be tied to the child's developmental phases.  

Second thing today.  This puts me at about 649.9 miles.  That puts me on Terra Haut Rd headed out of Worthington, Indiana.  Continuing through the midwest.

Third thing today.  With Easter, I changed my profile picture on Facebook, my picture on the Connecting the Dots page on Facebook, and my cover photo on Facebook.  Here are the three pictures.  Fun.  Symbols of new life and family.  Good theme with the resurrection.  Fr. Sam made a comment about Easter not being one day for a lifetime of searching ways to find new life--with Jesus, of course, in this context.

Two other things.  I said that my last entry was going to be the last about Boston.  Alas, I was wrong.

What else got my attention today?  First, a story about Ryan Hall.  If the story is true, this is the stuff that a book or movie will be made of some day.  And it is the stuff that can bring a tear to the eye of someone who has ever truly experienced "team".  The story says that the fastest US marathon runner in history used his leadership and held the American runners other than Meb back.  Why?  So that the non-US runners would not have "help" in catching up to Meb.  This is an amazing self-sacrifice to get an American to win the race.  It shows strategy.  It shows teamwork.  It shows caring about the bigger picture goal.  It shows not putting one's own needs first.  It reminds me of the best 1600m I ever ran.  I was with a bunch of guys who just hung around at a comfortable (back in the day) 70 second per mile pace.  I just hung in.  I rode the wave to my best time.  If I had pushed, I'm sure that they other guys would have pushed and left me in the dust as happened the next day.  Running is a very mental and tactical sport on some days.  Yesterday was one.  And it brought an incredible victory for American running.

Finally, a post in the New York times that a fellow health economist and runner posted a link to.  It was about marathon running and bad investments.  It noted how marathon runners focus on running arbitrary distances--why 26.2 miles? or even why 5K?--at arbitrary times--why break 4:00:00?  At least some runners get satisfaction from coming in under rather than over that arbitrary time.  Of course, I am sometimes guilty.  Aiming for a 19:00 5K.  Having to run a 3:15:00 marathon to qualify for Boston.  But then I assessed my last three marathons: 3:15:45/3:14:25/3:15:56.  By the criteria of what was just over or just under a target time, two of these would be considered complete failures.  And yet, I don't see them that way.  I do describe the 3:15:45 as heart-breaking most times when I talk about it.  But I also describe it as exhilarating as it was the first time I'd broken 3:20 and was more than a six minute improvement over a race I'd run six weeks earlier.  The article in the NYT talked about making sure to keep track of long term goals rather than having arbitrary short-term goals in investing.  When all is said and done, while there will always be those somewhat arbitrary target times as long as I run, I realize what I have done to cope with missing them as often as not.  I have reset my expectations.  I look for lessons in whatever the outcome of the race.  If I come in just under a target time--bonus!  But in general, the goal is simple. Run.  Enjoy.  Learn.

To conclude that brings me back to my friend Lauren.  As a running mentor, if there is one thing that I would hope I could teach her about life and running, it is to avoid the arbitrary goals that society or our shared sport or ourselves place on what we do.  To take the good with the bad.  To live it all.  To truly experience it all.  And to learn from it all as we go along.  Happiness is in the learning.  Living is in the learning.  I think that she has actually learned much of this in her young 22 years.  But there is always room for learning and reminders.  

And, as on so many days, the last couple have brought a lot of lessons I shall reflect on by and by.  And wonder, why I am so lucky to have them.

Looking Back and Looking Ahead--A Review and Some New Thoughts

Always good to look back and look ahead.  Here is what I wrote last year looking ahead to 2013…

(10) Keep running in the right place in my life—it should promote physical, mental, and social well being—the gold old health triangle we learned in high school health ed class.  It should also promote spiritual well-being. If it ever interferes with those re-assess. I think I was successful on this one.  Some may argue too much running, but it did everything it was supposed to do, and I have been trying to balance.

(9) While keeping it in the right place in my life, don't forget that there are some real goals. Mile on the track under 5:40.  2-mile on the track under 12:00.  5K—wherever—under 19:30.  Complete Boston—and if the weather permits aim for 3:10.  Half marathon closer to 1:30.  10 miler closer to 1:10.  Achieved some goals here.  Ran Boston but didn’t even break 3:15.  Ran a 19:10 5K.  Did not do so many timed track workouts this year.  Ran a half marathon distance at sub-7:00/mile pace although not in a race.  Continuing to get stronger. 

(8) Continue to be creative.  Maybe art.  Maybe words.  I'd say 10-15 minutes per day.  Could be a little verse.  Could be a little progress in my ongoing attempts to write longer stuff.  Could be a blog entry.  Could even just be some project like the silk tie I did earlier this week.  Just to keep that part of my brain in high gear.  This year lots of words.  Some “art” in the sense of taking pictures and beginning to think about how combining my pictures (or other people’s pictures) and my words might make a more effective message to share.  Below is a combination of words and pictures that I gave Sherry for Christmas.

(7) Think about next career steps.  Who knows what they may be?  The key is that even as a full professor, there are things to think about.  Even if I stay a full professor at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health for the remainder of my career, the job will change.  And there may be opportunities within JHU (or someday in the future outside JHU) that would bring about even more changes and hopefully changes that would challenge me and engage me in new ways.  And while my well-being now is about stability, my well-being once the kids are out of high school and college will depend on what I see as my next steps.  So, I might as well start thinking now.  So last year when I wrote this, I was interviewing for the position I now have, but not telling a whole lot of people.  I got the position.  So, check!

(6) Continue to grow spiritually.  I have stopped writing about every single bib number and race time.  That was fun.  But I have found many new inspirations for my spirituality including the tattoo that is now nearly finished.  That turned out to be an interesting part of my art experience last years as it really has become much like a piece of commissioned artwork that I always have with me and really participated in a two-person (me and the artist) effort to bring about a vision of symbolism that I had.  Finished getting the tattoo.  Wrote three sets of compiled blog entries.  And really have a feel for spirituality meaning recognizing that I am a part of something bigger and that there are lots of connections to make and to share. .  

(5) Continue to play an active role at St. Pius X.  I don't see that changing for any reason--but it is just worth putting out there.  No matter what other pressures may come and go, the stability of my involvement in Sunday school and the worship band--each with its own set of ups and downs--is definitely like a rock for my to stand on in my faith and in my life.  I’ve continued to teach for religious ed, help Mae when needed, and play in an occasional mass on my bass guitar.  Check!

(4) Continue to mentor.  The experience or mentoring has been a gift to me as much as anything from me over the past several years.  I have a new student to mentor in the Penn State Schreyer Honors College and there are other opportunities for mentorship as well.  I’ve continued to be in touch with one of my old mentees, reached out to a few more, and taken on mentoring as an important part of the job. Check!

(3) Help my two oldest on the path to figuring out where they will go to college and high school respectively.  While the process will not be completely finished one year from today, it will be well on its way.  We are on our way.  Check!

(2) Remember that I would not be where I am without the help of others.  This is part of what I reflected in my artistic vision last year and what I hope to continue to reflect this year.  This is part of my spirituality.  It is part of my professional mentoring.  It is part of my family relationships.  It is part of being a good neighbor.  I am ultimately responsible for me.  But I am not responsible for just me.  And in the same way, I know that I have truly benefitted from having so many around me who are not only interested in benefitting themselves but who are interested in lifting up others.  When I am taking credit, I must give credit where credit is due. And when I am deciding how to act, I should remember to act with others in mind.  During this year, I have thanked many and shared my writing with many.  I could probably still do a little better at work.  Check!

(1) Be the best family member I can be.  Husband, father, son, brother, and so many more rolls.  All important.  All provide ways to lift others up.  All provide ways to reflect on what others have done to lift me up.  And all provide ways to show God's greatness in blessing me and my family with abundance. Not sure how I would rate according to my family, but I keep on trying.

For the year ahead, there will be some repeats and some new interpretations:

(10) Run.  Do it a lot.  But keep it in its place.  Use it as a focal point.  Use it for goal setting.  Use it for friendship building.  Use it to seek meaning.

(9) Keep teaching Sunday School.  I really like working with kids, introducing them to things about our faith and introducing them to things about St. Pius.  And teaching is the ultimate learning experience and I love to learn.

(8) Keep writing.  Use it to sort things out and use it to find meaning.  Use it to share.

(7) Find a place for music.  I can’t imagine myself getting back in a worship band any time soon but I have to find a place for some music.  It is another good release.

(6) Bake more.  I know that I bake more than most, but I am stuck in a bit of a rut.  So maybe the key here is to bake a wider variety of things.

(5) Take more pictures.  This is a different take on art than last year.  One that I can manage.  And one that I can turn into “art” but using effects with the pictures and mixing and matching pictures in collages and matching them with my words to ell stories.

(4) While I have access to all types of electronic technologies, but them down more.  There is a time for being connected electronically and a time to just turn it off.

(3) Recognize my limitations more.  This goes along with many of the things I wrote in the Epilogue to the Spirituality of Advent 2013.  When all is said and done, I am just a speck in the bigger world.  My life is just a blink in the history of time.  And I have to realize that I can’t do everything for everyone all the time.

(2) Structure my time better.  Structure will help with focus.  Focus will improve performance in so many areas.

(1) Remember that family comes first.  There will be times that I will be called on to do things for work, especially in my job now, that make it seem like family is not first.  That family has to wait.  But in the bigger picture, family has to come first.  I think that finding a way to make family first “on net” without it having to be first every second of every day is a real challenge.  A challenge for me to do.  And a challenge for my family to accept and work into our family life.  But I keep trying.

Happy 2014!

When Do I Need Help?

Today I made an interesting observation to a colleague.  I commented that when I had gone from being an associate professor to a full professor, I had felt that I actually needed more mentoring as a full professor.  When I was an associate professor the goal was clear--get the publications I need (and do whatever it takes) to be full.  Once I became full, the next step was not as clear.

In a similar vein, in my position now, the first six months were characterized by just getting information.  Learning.  Accepting.  Understanding.  Taking things in.  As I move forward my goals are much less clear.  Now that I have settled in and put out the first few fires, what do I want to do strategically.  What is the path I want to set?  What really matters?

Those questions are much harder to answer.  It is ironic that sometimes (to quote just the title of a book that was recommended to me by my leadership coach) what got you here won't get you there.  In other words, I need to find new skills and come up with new decision making processes to get to the next level.  (Perhaps a bit like Candy Crush?)

And there comes a point where others will be useful sounding boards, but I will really not have a coach or mentor.  I will simply have people around me who join with me in trying to achieve and who care about my success.  Some will just be sounding boards.  Some will be colleagues with whom I collaborate.  

We will see where this all goes. 

Fear is Learned

Yesterday, at St Pius X in Towson, MD, we had Father Jim who handles health care for northern Baltimore county and whom I expect we will see again in the future.  He smiled during mass.  He was great with the kids who went to the Children's Liturgy of the Word, and he involved the kids who were still in the pews in the homily.

He said something that I thought was profound: when we are born all we know is love--we have to learn fear.  He went on for several minutes about how learned fear leads us to consume many things in our society today.  It was great food for thought.

But I kept thinking about the homily for a long time afterward yesterday and this morning while I was running.  Yesterday while I was running I had my insight for yesterday's blog entry.  Today--another run, another entry.

What I realized is that fear is learned in a lot of relationships that start off with love--or at least with support (if not love) only.  Friendships can start that way.  Marriage can start that way.  Even certain work environments can start that way.  Everything is positive.  Everything is supportive.  A friend, a spouse, a boss give no real reason to think that there will be anything other than support.

But then doubt creeps in.  Worry creeps in.  Fear creeps in.  We worry that the support will go away.  We worry that something will break the friendship.  We worry that we somehow will not measure up in a marriage.  We worry that we won't succeed in a workplace.  Even though no one has ever said straight out--you have to succeed or else.

In reality if we just kept on trusting and did what we were asked to and supposed to do, everything would work itself out.  Things almost always do.

And if a person has spent most of their lives building relationships based on mutual respect, mutual support, and mutual love (or at least positive affection if not love), then a person is likely to have a support network with a pretty deep bench to help pick up the pieces on the occasions when things do not go quite right.

The fear that is learned can be what destroys rather than helping a person to protect.

That was part of the take away message from Fr. Jim.  And it is something that sticks with me for my relationships moving forward.