This morning I chose NOT to run

This morning I chose not to run.  I was ready to.  I had gotten up very early.  I had done more than an hour of work.  I had calculated that today would put me over 1500 miles for the year.  I had made buttermilk biscuits.  I had told the dog she could wait until I got back.

But I chose not to run.  

And even non-running days are part of the spiritual pilgrimage that I am on.

Why?

Because two and one-half weeks ago when I chose to run despite having a million things on my mind I ended up falling and having to wear a wrist brace for four weeks.

So, today, when I was taking the buttermilk biscuits out of the oven, I set them on the stove.  Problem was, they were too close to the edge.  Potholder hanging on a hook near the stove.  Hook was upside down.  Tipped the potholder.  Down it fell onto the pan.  Using a lightyweight metal pan rather than stone, it tipped and flipped all 20 biscuits onto the floor.  The dog got a treat.  I was almost ready to cry.

Why?

20 biscuits.  Not the greatest thing but not the end of the world.

But it was after a very long day.

The day was great for most of it.

I started with a 12 mile run with three friends.  Met one on the way.  Picked up her and she was surprised that I had a country music station on.  Got out of the car at my office building and ran through down town, up to Charles Village, across to Lake Montebello, and into vairous sections of east Baltimore.

Great run.

No mass this Sunday morning as I had gone on Saturday.  That day, one of the readings was Rom 13:8-10.  In reading this, where Paul summarized basically all the commandments that focus on how to treat others (as opposed to those that focus on our relationship with God), I realized that there is at least one thing I share in common with him.  Connecting the dots.  Seeing the relationship among the others-oriented commandments and saying "Love your neighbor as yourself."  It's that simple.  That is my kind of thinking for how to connect dots and nourish my soul.

We also had our annual block party yesterday.  And while I was just as happy for much of it to peopel watch and listen to good music, I did enjoy talking with several neighbors and eat good food.  

We also had the ice hockey kickoff celebration.  That was a lot of fun.

But two things were on my mind from yesterday.  First, my long time training partner thinks that she might be hanging up the running shoes.  I say thinks because it is hard to tell when a person is truly done.  But she has had so many injuries that just never seem to end that she is ready to be done.  We will see.  I know how much it is a part of her identity.  When that is true, it is hard to part with an activity.  

Second, a runner I'd just met this summer lost her life in a motorcyle accident yesterday.  She had run 50 races between her 49th and 50th birthdays.  Amazing and positive person.  Known to many in the local running community.

Two running losses.  One closer to me given how long I've known the two individuals.  One more immediate in terms of the total loss.

Those were on my mind.  Maybe they contributed to losing the biscuits as well.

But one way or another, it was clear that my mind was not 100% on running.  

So I chose not to run.

So, the dog got two treats this morning--my homemade biscuits to eat and an extra long walk where I didn't even take my cell phone with me so I could just focus on being safe.

Tomorrow I will run again.

There will be many days for me to run again.

And I will respect my training partner and friend most by running--and celebrating what we all love.  Even though at least one and possibly both will never celebrate that for herself again.   

Relationship Building

So, today was the last formal meeting I am scheduled to have with a staff member within the university whose job is to worry about organizational development and leadership coaching.  After first meeting the coach in March (more or less just before taking my new administrative position on a full time basis), I have met with the coach probably a half dozen times or so.  My progression from the first meeting--in which I was asked to tell my story and I spent much of the 90 minutes talking about how I had gotten to where I was, what I was focused on, and the thoughts I had of what the position was--to this meeting--in which my coach pointed out that I spent an hour talking about relationship building--has been an interesting one.

When I took the position of Vice Dean for Education, I was thinking that the biggest challenges would be coordinating programs, building an online educational effort, and working with scheduling.  What I forgot when I talked to people about the position before I started full time was that none of that happens without relationships.

So, today, I spent all my time talking about the importance of relationships.  Relationships being built between me and the rest of the staff within the the Office of Education.  Relationships between other individuals in the Office of Education.  Relationships I am building with other units within the school.  The importance of each relationship.  The importance of walking around the floor that contains most of the administrative offices.  The importance of traveling between floors that will house administrative offices once we move to two floors.  The importance of relationships with students.  And how to build those relationships.

Following on my comments yesterday about idealism, intimacy, and depth, what this reflects is the desire to engage (intimacy) and at more than a surface level (depth).  I noted in conversation with the coach that even little changes make a difference.  One example--changing from staying mostly in my office to walking around my group and others.  I have noticed that I have shifted from just saying "hi" to saying "hi" or "good morning" or "how are you" and addressing people by name.  This is the type of activity that starts the relationship building process.  I will continue to do so by not rushing lunch while sitting at my computer ever day but using it (at least some days) as a time to meet, chat, and continue to build relationships that need to be nourished for things to get done.

If you had asked me when I was trying to get tenure in my last job within the university whether I would ever have pictured myself spending an hour talking about ways to build and strengthen relationships, I would have said no.  But, now this is what I realize I have to do as a lead up to getting the work done.  Without positive relationships, the work will not get done.  Positive relationships are not all that is needed but they lay the groundwork for what needs to be done.  And as a person in a leadership role, I spend a lot of time thinking about relationships.

And the importance of relationships in the real world has spilled over into the rest of my life.  Of course, relationships are key in marriage.  Spouses with each other.  Each with kids.  Along kids.

I have shifted to less Facebook posting.  More time talking with my kids.  More time going for dessert together over the past several weeks.  More time walking the dog--seeing who is around--stopping to say hello.

I continue to be amazed at how my work life themes and personal life themes tie together.

And relationships are key throughout.  

The Medal

When I crossed the finish line on April 15, I received at least two other things prior to my medal—a bottle of water and a heat blanket.  It was interested because my Sunday School 3^rd graders six days later asked why anyone would want a blanket.  Well, after running 26.2 miles and sweating a lot and then stopping and feeling a cold breeze, you might be surprised to know just how important that blanket us.   It is also hard to describe to third graders how the blanket is sort of like aluminum foil (but not exactly) that a runner wraps around himself or herself after the race.  It makes a big difference in at least some races and the race on April 15 was one time.  I know that it made a difference as it helped me to feel more stable and then there was the volunteer who asked if I was feeling okay and I answered her by saying just a bit cold.  That was an unusual response for me in my five post-marathon experiences but it was absolutely accurate.  And since it was before the post-race and post-explosion adrenalin kicked in, I really was focused just on how my body felt at the time.

The third thing I received on what still seemed like a glorious afternoon at the time was my Boston Marathon 2013 finishers medal.  The water was important.  Despite finishing all the water I had carried with me (and I did actually carry the water with me for this marathon which was different than an of the previous four in which I’d relied entirely on water stops) and drinking even more, I was still in need of water.  It felt good going down.  The heat blanket was important for reasons described above.  The food (which came after the medal) was also incredibly important as I’d taken my gooey nutritional bite sized snacks but I had not had anything else since very early that morning.

However, it was not any of those other than the medal that mattered most.  I had my Boston Marathon finishers medal.  I have other mementoes of that day.  I have my 2013 Boston Marathon program.  (I didn’t see or hear anyone shouting “Programs!  Get your programs here!”  But the image of that happening was quite amusing.)  I have my Boston Marathon jacket.  It is blue and yellow with numerous Boston Marathon symbols on it.  Many people even outside the running community know what it is and have asked me about it when I have worn it since then.  And within the running community it shows that I am a member of a relatively small fraternity of individuals who have qualified for and gone to Boston—the reference to a fraternity is how one of my companions for the weekend described it although I never was and never really had any desire to be part of a fraternity when I was in college.  It doesn’t signify only qualification.  It signifies going and at least attending the expo.  I also acquired a nice ring that doesn’t signify anything other than the fact that I purchased it but I do like it and my wife commented that it is sort of like a Super Bowl ring for runners.  That analog only goes so far as to get a Super Bowl ring you have to win.

The medal is actually a bit more like a Super Bowl ring, although unlike a ring a runner does not wear the Boston Marathon finisher’s medal every day after the race.  It is also like the Super Bowl ring only in limited ways since everyone who completes the race gets a ring rather than only the winners.  Yet, it is the ultimate symbols of accomplishment.  You do not earn that until you have qualified, registered, come, and run.  And only when you are finished and have proven that you can make it through the challenging course do you actually receive the medal.

I had the medal placed around my neck and wore it as we were on the way back to the hotel.  I think that one of the main issues I have worked through with the bombing that day was feeling that my opportunity just to enjoy the experience and, if you will, “bask in my accomplishment” was taken away from me.  Given the explosions, the injuries, and the deaths, even by the time I returned home that night the medal was no different but its meaning was diminished.  I brought it to work and put it where people who walk to a particular part of my office can see it but did not choose to highlight it beyond that.  I am not ashamed of the medal, but the desire to call any type of attention to it was completely reduced or even removed.

It went from being something that I was overjoyed to receive.  Something that I took pride in.  Something that I might even have wanted to show off a bit.  To instead being something that is important to me but that I really wanted to keep much more to myself.  Yes, I did it.  But that is all. 

It became a simple statement of fact rather than a big deal. 

I have certainly spoken of the race in glowing terms to some people in the time since.  But it is only when asked.

The nature of the experience changed from something that I thought I would want to share with anyone who would bother to listen to something that I only share when asked and even then only in very guarded terms.

One of the biggest accomplishments of my life outside career and family suddenly and the easiest way to show other than I had accomplished what I set out to accomplish suddenly became something that I chose to not focus on and not share.

Avoiding being a braggart about it—good thing of course.  Avoiding sharing unless asked—may or may not be good.   I like to think that my story is at least somewhat inspirational.  I like to think that other runners who may aspire to run Boston some day could benefit from hearing how exciting it is.  How wonderful it is.  How well organized it is.  But instead, I speak of it only in hushed tones. 

It is interesting to see how I let external events shape my life and my attitudes toward things.  Moving ahead, one key will be to live my life, experience my attitudes, and share my ideas with others on my own terms.  Following social norms as appropriate. But not letting external events over which I have no control get to me and have an undue influence on how I behave.  

A Little Up and A Little Down

Yesterday was a day of ups and downs. I won't go so far as to quote Dickens, "It was the best of times.  It was the worst of times."  Because yesterday was really at neither extreme.  Just a bit of good and bad.  I'll highlight two very good.  I'll highlight one negative--but even the negative had a positive about it.

The best positive--our house is still not the cleanest, neatest house.  It will never likely be.  But yesterday we got our acts together enough as a family to clean up enough so that all five of us could sit at the dinner table.  Not just be home at the same time for dinner--which we often are.  But to actually sit together.  We had done that a lot while on vacation--both in the condo and out.  But is was so nice to be able to do it on our own house.  It is one of those things that (to use a cliche) makes a house a home.

The second positive--my run yesterday morning.  I realized that my slow long distance runs over the summer were not for lack of training.  I may or may not get a personal best in the race in two weeks.  But if I don't it is not for lack of trying or lack of readiness.  Yesterday's 15 mile run was the fastest pace I'd run anywhere near that distance since the Baltimore 10 Miler on Father's Dat weekend.  The runs I had done the rest of the summer seem to have been a function of three things--running alone (which I am capable of doing but just is not the same as running with a group), not getting to the NCR trail (which, while some call it boring, it a welcome relief from hills), and having run in much warmer weather the rest of the summer.  Yesterday's run was wonderful.

The negative--after avoiding getting hit by a backing pickup in one part of the grocery store parking lot, I hit a car while trying to pull into a parking space.  Foolish--yes.  Costly in terms of future premiums, etc.  Probably.  But, it forced me to think about why it happened (not getting myself together enough after avoiding something bad to really concentrate on the next big task) and to see that some people in the world are still pretty good people.  I wrote a note and left it on the windshield of the other car, but also went to see if the owner of the parked car was in the store.  She was and when I began with a profuse apology she began with "these things happen".  Unhappy--yes.  But she took it in stride and was very forgiving.  That seems like a rare quality these days.  Even in an unhappy moment, there was a moment of grace.

Two of out three positive is not a bad day.  I just hope that the next negative can be a little simpler but just as graceful.