A Poem on Getting Through Ups and Downs

What I long for most in this crazy world

What I long for most in this crazy world

Is friends and family who are rock solid.

Relationships I can count on to be—

Straight, comfortable—like the NCR.

Predictable as heat on Key Highway’s

Blacktop on the MCVET 5K Sunday.

Sure to appear as the sun each morn.

Sure to remember as an elephant. 

Sure to share wisdom as a wise old owl.

Sure to listen as prey being hunted.

Sure to see like an eagle hunting prey.

Not that I long for predictable folk.

I like predictable relationships.

I don’t mind the rolling marathon hills

In each Baltimore Running Festival.

I pressed on through three uphills and plateaus

Before Heartbreak Hill when I ran Boston.

Life is always full of both highs and lows

And I do not want to hide from either.

And I don’t mind curveballs in life such as

Receiving a drink at a Haitian stand

One Sunday walking the farmers’ market.

Or finding the kitchen collective that

Makes pancakes—sort of a variation

On crepes that I get almost ev’ry week

With my training partner of seven years.

I roll with things that could disrupt my week.

But I choose living with those I count on

To remain solid through both ups and downs

In my life and in our combined lives too.

Comfortable Miles

This morning I slept "in" (not getting up till 5:30) and then got out to run just before 6 AM for what turned out to be just four comfortable miles.  The paces were 8:46, 8:24, 8:18, 7:55.  Those are much slower than the first four miles I ran yesterday (7:22, 7:19, 6:56, 7:06) on my way to a 7:07 pace (a correction from what I thought was 7:03 yesterday).  But that is okay, today was a "recovery" run and yesterday turned out to be more of a tempo run than a long slow run anyway.

While I commented in yesterday's entry that I was working hard enough not to be thinking very hard about anything other than "keep going at this pace," I would still call the pace "comfortably hard".  That is a term that I borrow from one of the Charm City Run coaches.  When I crossed paths with the training group yesterday, I believe that the coach for this season is Marie but another long-time participant and coach (John) was leading the run yesterday.  He told everyone to just take it easy yesterday (I did my run beforehand and had already completely ignored the advice).  But John is the coach who used to suggest that we seek a pace that was "comfortably hard" for our tempo runs.

Today was just comfortable--rather than comfortably hard.  After the fast/easy/medium paces I ran yesterday, my legs were tight and then slowly came to life as I continued to run.  Each of the four miles this morning was comfortable as I went from my neighborhood around the Cedarcroft and then back around my own neighborhood again.

The key lesson for today is there is a lot to say about using comfortable pace as a guide.  It is a guide to running.  If I am running at a pace that is comfortable I don't tend to get injured.  Injuries happen when I push too hard.  And comfortable can range from comfortably hard to just plain comfortable for me to comfortable for someone with whom I am pacing.  Each has its role.

But the idea of a comfortable pace applies to other things in life as well.  Am I working at a comfortable pace at work?  I'd say it is usually comfortably hard rather than just comfortable.  When I push too hard I do not get "injured" but I am much more likely to make errors in judgment.

The development of interpersonal relationships is another great example of something for which comfortable pace can be important.  Even in friendship there is a pace at which sharing develops and with which individuals can be comfortable.  Sometimes too much information too quickly can make the pace uncomfortable.  Then there can be misinterpretation.

Learning a musical instrument (like my approach to bass as an adult) is another thing where comfortable pace can be important.  Too fast can lead to frustration.

For each of these the definition of what is "comfortable" and how "pace" is measured is different.  But each part of my life can be guided by trying to figure out how to proceed with confidence and in a way that promotes ideal progression without missteps that can lead to injury, errors in judgment, misinterpretation, or frustration.  All of which lead to poor outcomes.  None of which are ideal.  

Relationship Building

So, today was the last formal meeting I am scheduled to have with a staff member within the university whose job is to worry about organizational development and leadership coaching.  After first meeting the coach in March (more or less just before taking my new administrative position on a full time basis), I have met with the coach probably a half dozen times or so.  My progression from the first meeting--in which I was asked to tell my story and I spent much of the 90 minutes talking about how I had gotten to where I was, what I was focused on, and the thoughts I had of what the position was--to this meeting--in which my coach pointed out that I spent an hour talking about relationship building--has been an interesting one.

When I took the position of Vice Dean for Education, I was thinking that the biggest challenges would be coordinating programs, building an online educational effort, and working with scheduling.  What I forgot when I talked to people about the position before I started full time was that none of that happens without relationships.

So, today, I spent all my time talking about the importance of relationships.  Relationships being built between me and the rest of the staff within the the Office of Education.  Relationships between other individuals in the Office of Education.  Relationships I am building with other units within the school.  The importance of each relationship.  The importance of walking around the floor that contains most of the administrative offices.  The importance of traveling between floors that will house administrative offices once we move to two floors.  The importance of relationships with students.  And how to build those relationships.

Following on my comments yesterday about idealism, intimacy, and depth, what this reflects is the desire to engage (intimacy) and at more than a surface level (depth).  I noted in conversation with the coach that even little changes make a difference.  One example--changing from staying mostly in my office to walking around my group and others.  I have noticed that I have shifted from just saying "hi" to saying "hi" or "good morning" or "how are you" and addressing people by name.  This is the type of activity that starts the relationship building process.  I will continue to do so by not rushing lunch while sitting at my computer ever day but using it (at least some days) as a time to meet, chat, and continue to build relationships that need to be nourished for things to get done.

If you had asked me when I was trying to get tenure in my last job within the university whether I would ever have pictured myself spending an hour talking about ways to build and strengthen relationships, I would have said no.  But, now this is what I realize I have to do as a lead up to getting the work done.  Without positive relationships, the work will not get done.  Positive relationships are not all that is needed but they lay the groundwork for what needs to be done.  And as a person in a leadership role, I spend a lot of time thinking about relationships.

And the importance of relationships in the real world has spilled over into the rest of my life.  Of course, relationships are key in marriage.  Spouses with each other.  Each with kids.  Along kids.

I have shifted to less Facebook posting.  More time talking with my kids.  More time going for dessert together over the past several weeks.  More time walking the dog--seeing who is around--stopping to say hello.

I continue to be amazed at how my work life themes and personal life themes tie together.

And relationships are key throughout.