The Spirituality of Advent, Day 4, Week 3

Today, I did not run.  Today, I am going to ponder something that didn't bring me joy or suggest any degree of spirituality.  

Yesterday, I got back from a trip to London that lasted less than a total of forty-eight hours.  I felt joy at being home.  I felt joy at the sense of comfort.  I felt joy at the sense of familiarity.  I felt joy because I was home with family.  I felt joy at being able to cuddle with Sherry.  Easy discussion.  Catching up after two days.  Understanding what I missed while away.  Breathing together.  Being together.  Resting together.  Just being at peace.  And a spirituality as I realized how important it was to come home to something other than just my own existence in a house.  

But that was just one part of what I felt.  That was the part that brought me joy.

Which isn't to say that I felt no joy in being home and talking with my kids.  Finding out about the concert in which Christopher played that I'd missed.  Finding out about hockey practice.  Finding out about Joshua's high school thoughts.

But I found that very few (if any) of the hand washable only dishes had been washed.  I had given one simple instruction before I left--make sure that I did not have to do three days worth of dishes when I returned.  My children didn't do that.  And that frustrated me.  The joy was not there.  

What is interesting is thinking about how long it takes growing children to realize what I refer to as spirituality, i.e., that we are a part of something bigger.  No matter what example I set.  No matter what we hear at church every Sunday.  No matter what they are taught in school.  It interests me to ponder just how long it takes children to take in the idea that they are a part of something bigger--and act on it.  In this case, it is being part of a family.  It is being part of a group that if not everyone acts together we end up with a less than ideal outcome.

So, how do you get a child to appreciate that he or she is a part of something bigger?  Hopefully, the child will eventually get there.  I know that after reading my oldest son's college application essays, he understands that he is a part of something bigger.  Orchestras.  Family.  Community.  That the world is a place that he is a part of.  That the world does not center around him.  

Interestingly--it is sometimes incredibly difficult to get him to do things within the family.  However, the other day when I thought I had completely lost my university ID, he went to look for it in the grocery store parking lot while I took a shower to get ready for work.  That just shows that the growth in spirituality is not even across all aspects of life at the same time.

Then there is my 14 year old.  Yes, he realizes that he is a part of a social dynamic and that he is part of a a boychoir.  And he will contribute by making dinner.  He just doesn't like to clean up afterwards.

Even my 8 year old sort of begins to realize that he is a part of something bigger like the teams he plays on.  But that only goes so far.

So, I guess I can see the evolution of understanding that a person is part of something bigger by watching my three sons.

And some day, I hope they will ponder how they are part of many things bigger just like I do.

And some day, I hope they will come to some fascinating conclusions and take joy in those conclusions.

But right now, I just hope that the next time I travel for work, my three children remember that they are part of a basic family unit and act on it.  That would be a good start toward a stronger sense of spirituality in the world.   

As  a final thought, it is interesting to think that being part of something bigger is not just enjoying the fun parts of being something bigger, but also being willing to do the things we don't enjoy along the way.  It reminds me of a comment from the owner of Charm City Run and a blog entry posted by Emily Sloman the tattoo artist I went to.  The blog entry is about becoming an apprentice tattoo artist, but it reflects not being selfish and wanting things to come too quickly.  

40 Days to Better: Day 11

Today, I have not run yet.  However, I have been in a writing groove, and, I wanted to write before I run.  Plus, despite being almost mid-September, it is still pretty warm outside and I am not looking forward to today's run very much.  I will probably end up just doing about 5 relatively easy miles.  So it goes.

In any case, I want to write a brief post today.  Yesterday, I talked about surrounding myself with people who are committed to my pursuits.  And I finished with an explanation that the people who have been committed to helping me think about my personal life and the main issues in it are those who clearly have a sense of their own value, who are valued by others, and who place a value on others.  

The (to me) interesting follow-up question is how on earth does any of us show that sense of value?

I think that one clear way is by paying attention.

Even better is giving undivided attention.

That attention can be in big things like going for dinner with Sherry and without the boys.

That attention can be in little and mundane things like walking the dog together in the evening.

That attention can be listening while making dinner or doing any number of other chores to keep the household running.

That attention can be when I get home from work and have something about dinner started and may need to continue, but I take some time to listen to Sherry or one of my kids rather than just pushing onward.

That attention can be to a friend while running.

That attention in the workplace can be welcoming someone new.

That attention can take so many forms.  But the key is to make it clear to the one to whom the attention is being given.

I need to pay attention and I need to let the person know I am paying attention.

Then, the relationship can grow.  

Marriage continues to grow.

Friendships and collegiality grow.  

Attention in a relationship is like water and light for a garden.  And my road to better will be paved not with (as in the proverbial expression on the road to hell) good intentions, but with good attention to those to whom I want to show value as I continue my own personal and professional development.   

Connecting the Dots & Nourishing Souls--writ large

Yesterday while I was out for my "second" run of the morning, I had the good fortune of meeting up with a colleague of many years whom I don't often get to see these days.  I put my "second" run in quotes as I began the day with a slow jog with my eight year old--3 miles.  I then went back out for a much faster four mile run of my own before getting on with other activities.  On the second run as I was running up Charles St, north of Northern Parkway, I saw someone whom I did not immediately recognize turn from a side street onto Charles.  As I caught up and passed, I gave a clear "good morning" to the other runner, as I would to almost any runner I was passing at a fairly faster speed.  The other runner gave a brief response, but then made an additional comment calling me by name.  I turned back to find a colleague from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health where I'd spent 16+ years before moving to the Carey Business School within Johns Hopkins. I'd known this particular colleague first as a student and then as a colleague for almost the entire time.  Her kids' ages are between my first two and my second and third.  We chatted for a bit.

I found myself once again talking about how much I enjoy the new challenges of my position at present compared with what I had been doing.  Some in academia find it difficult to fathom since many in academia are not interested in high level administrative positions and are not necessarily good "people people".  Perhaps I am.  Perhaps I am not.

Regardless, something occurred to me later in the day, long after my colleague and I had parted ways after about seven minutes of an overlapping route.  The very title of this blog is about connecting dots and nourishing the soul.  When I came up with the title, I was really focused on the dots as abstract things in my own life and my own soul.  However, the management style that is encouraged at the Johns Hopkins Carey Business School includes thinking about team members strengths, weaknesses, and aspirations as individuals.  The strengths and weaknesses can then be extended to the team as a whole.  The team is "connecting the dots" in which the dots are individuals who make up the teams as we try to construct the best teams for getting the jobs that are important done.  While not everyone on the team may even believe in souls, the fact that we are seeking to find ways to help individuals reach aspirations and grow personally and professionally is key.  This demonstrates a key overlap between what I think of for myself and what I now am called upon to think of for others as I grow in my own leadership.  It is another wonderful case of how I am able to fit everything in my life together in a way that makes sense.

Is everyone lucky enough to be able to make sense of their lives?  No.

Does everyone seek to make sense of their lives in the same way?  I doubt it.

But it works for me and it helps me to see my life as one big adventure that fits together in the workplace and outside in ways that complement each other.

Moving ahead, one of the biggest challenges will be to assure that the inside the workplace part of my life and outside the workplace part of my life not only fit together conceptually but also fit together in terms of getting things done and focusing on both parts.  If I work too hard and don't focus on life outside that will bring issues outside the workplace that I do not want to face.  If I focus too much on things outside the workplace and do not get done important tasks inside, that will bring its own set of challenges.

Balance is as important as parallel alignment.  That is a real challenge.