A Question from My Eight Year Old

My eight year old asked me a question this evening that really reflects how my home life has evolved in my six months on this new job.  Time was, seven months ago, when I was "just" a faculty member that most days I would wrap up between 5 and 5:30, be home my 6, have dinner on the table by 6:30, participate in getting my youngest ready for bed, and then have a bit of time with him--only to do dishes and more work afterwards.  And for the most part my "work work" at home came either very late at night or very early in the morning.  When my youngest was younger, he would tolerate my working (particularly on email) while talking with him or doing something else with him.  I didn't have to give him 100% of my attention.

In the time that I have held my new job (since April 1), I have worked later many days, but when I work later I tend to be "done" when I get home.  I do some work in the evening.  I do some in the early morning (particularly now that my youngest doesn't tend to get up quite as early as he used to).  The key has been that I have not had to make a choice between work and him while at home much in the past six months.  While being at work longer is disruptive, the pattern of not then making the choice of what to do at home clear to him has really taken hold.

So, this evening, I happened to be home early.  I had a meeting away from the Business School in the middle of the afternoon and decided to go home next.  That allowed me to have dinner on the table so we did not need to spend money on an unnecessary meal out before my wife and middle son went for his first livestock lesson as part of a 4H activity.  I told my youngest that after I ran to the grocery story, I could read extra to him.  We are reading a book that flows nicely and reads easily about a middle school kid playing football.  And this is a chapter book that is really holding my son's attention.

When I got back from the grocery story he was sorting rubber bands for his loom.  He really enjoys that activity and thought we could wait to read until he was done.  Not a bad idea.  However, when he was ready, he expected me to be ready.  I was working on an email or two and he asked me, "Who are you emailing who is more important than me?"  I was surprised to hear that but it did make me realize how different our rhythm of life has become over the past six months.  And while I may have fewer hours at home (particularly in a week like this one with two dinners and an evening class to teach) the expectation is that when I am home I am home.

Interestingly enough, my son's attitude actually matches my boss's attitude in two ways.  First, my boss claims that he doesn't carry much to and from work because he likes to separate the two.  I believe him for the most part.  And second he likes to always remind us, "More, Better, Faster".  My sons is super competitive and focuses on all three of those all the time.

So, maybe with my son and my boss sending the same signal, the key will be to continue to work on the question of how to get work done at work and have home time at home more of a reality while trying to balance things in my life.  Not simple.  But a good aspirtion.  

Vision Board II in Text Part I: The Bread

This Saturday morning I "slept in".  Of course, sleeping in for someone who is usually an early morning runner can mean just not getting up until 6 AM, which I realize for most people would not be considered sleeping in.  After a long week in which I knocked a few important end of summer tasks off my to do list at work and an evening of walking with my wife and our dog to Belvedere Square to listen for a bit to a band that self describes as "alternative country," I needed some extra rest. Besides, tomorrow is the 20 mile race that I have been looking forward to all summer and extra rest the day before is not a bad thing.

As I sit, what have I been pondering.  In less than two weeks (thirteen days, to be exact) I get color added to my first tattoo.  I have, as the summer has gone on, been more willing to share my tattoo with those at work.  Most people seem surprised but I haven't noticed a huge change in anyone's opinion of me or anything.  I look forward to the addition of color and seeing what the final product looks like.  Emily told me that she was going to try to use period specific colors (the period being the 1930's setting of the clothes on St Sebastian and Irene, the lamppost, and the Baltimore City skyline.  

When I originally came up with the new title for this particular blog, I was thinking of "Connecting the Dots" in terms of a constellation in the sky or the type of activity we may have done as young kids.  Having a page with a bunch of dots that are numbered and connecting them to make a coherent picture.  What I didn't think of (but is kind of cool) is that tattooing is also sort of like connecting a bunch of dots--or at least putting a bunch of dots close enough together to form a coherent picture.  The notion of dots is captured well in a web page that describes the tattooing process.  

Sometimes in adult life it feels like we still get the dots on the page but not the numbers.  This makes developing a coherent picture more difficult sometimes.  But I suppose that challenge of figuring out how things fit together rather than simply being told is part of what being an adult rather than a child means.

It's sometimes funny how a blog entry wanders.  I never thought when I started typing that I'd end up with any focus on the issue of what it means to be an adult rather than a child.  With that, it is interesting to ponder how our "vision boards" would change over time.  I'm not sure how easy it would be even to define our interests, aspirations, and hopes enough to create a vision board.  I suppose that I had what I thought of as big dreams as a kid.  But I know that one thing about being where I am now in life (again, another adult-child distinction but this may even be a young adult and early-40's adult)  is that all the ideas about hopes and aspirations are much better defined.  I can think of the answers to this question in sort of a "life course" approach.  Where did they used to be?  Where are they now?  How do my life experiences to date influence where I am now?  And how do I expect anything to continue to evolve over time?    

I can verbalize (and then turn into pictures) what is now a much more stable set of ideas.

So, with that, and taking my existing tattoo as "life course symbolic vision board #1", I will begin a short series of reflections on what might be called life course symbolic vision board #2.  

It would begin with bread.  Wikipedia tells us that the history of bread goes back at least 30,000 years.    That is pretty amazing.  But that is not why I would choose it.  I would choose it for my second vision board as it represents my love of being in the kitchen.  I prepare many things in the kitchen but my specialty is bread.  I make bread more often than anything else.  And this is interpreting bread very broadly.  Bread can be pizza dough.  It can be stromboli dough.  It can be rolls I use for steak sandwiches.  Banana bread.  Bagels.  Pretzels.  Simple whole wheat bread.  Challah.  Easter bread.  Biscuits--with or without sweet addition.  Lion house rolls. Irish soda bread.  I've tried my hand at pita.  I've tried may hand at tortillas.  I've even tried my hand at injera.  The list goes on.  So much diversity (another theme in my life).  Bread is something I choose to make with my hands despite having a bread machine.  It gives me a sense of accomplishment.  Sometimes (particularly kneading dough for yeast breads) it lets me take out my frustrations.  It shows how I learn over time--as I have diversified the breads I make and I have even modified recipes to make them fit into the time that I have or for the specific needs I have in feeding my family.  Thus, bread as part of my life course vision board #2 would appear in multiple forms and represent many important parts of my adult life.   

Third Thought About John 6:1-15

When I heard the readings last Sunday I knew that I would use most of my entries in my blog for the coming week to talk about about them.  And, here we are on Friday and I'm still writing about them.  Of course, part of that is because I haven't blogged every day.  But part is because of how moving the readings were.  Today is my third thought motivated by John 6:1-15.

First was, wow, God has an amazing way of nourishing my soul.

Second was the importance of repetition of themes and seeing how the repetition related to other things in life.

Today, I'll just touch on one of the parts of the story--that Philip was doubting.  There are many stories of doubt in the Bible.  Even the phrase "doubting Thomas" is based on one apostle after the resurrection.  The story of doubt in John 6:1-15 was when Philip commented on the economics of feeding the crowd.  He was very doubtful and noted more than a half year's wages would not be enough.

Then, Simon Peter (from whom I took my confirmation name--God speaking to me again), noted that a boy had five loaves and two fish. While it is not easy to tell exactly how Jesus got the loaves and fish from the boy, the key is that he did and that the boy (for whom the food likely was incredibly precious) gave up his food, trusted in Jesus, and had great faith.  The simple faith and trust of a child.

Sometimes that type of faith and trust is the best there is. That type of faith is amazing.It is a reminder to me moving forward to bring the gifts that I have to the table, to share them with the Lord and with others, and to trust that it will be enough to satisfy what God wants me to do.

Praisde God.