More Mentoring from Those I've Mentored

Yesterday, I wrote about the clever name of the two person marathon relay team I'll br running as a part of in November--Who's the Mentor?--with the reason for this name.  After I wrote, I went to the Y and did 5 miles at 6:40 pace for each mile with 1/4 mile job in between each.  Was that the fastest I've ever run five miles?  No. Was it the best I've ever felt?  No. Was it easier on a treadmill than it would have been outside on a track?  Yes.  But none of that mattered.  It was all about just getting back out there and starting over again getting ready for my next race.  Just as I had talked about yesterday.  Today, also in a move that I consider wise, I'm taking a day off from exercise--or at least a morning.  I may go to the Y later this evening for some biking or rowing before tomorrow's run.  Success doesn't come without some effort--even for those willing to get right back up again.

In any case, I had yet another example of being mentored by someone I had mentored yesterday--even though the person I'd mentored hadn't necessarily intended what she wrote as a mentoring experience. Here is just a part of her post yesterday morning, 

Your sharing a slice of your life or story with someone does not automatically entitle him or her to pass judgment or have an opinion you must observe. Never give someone the power to disempower you in your own life, by discounting what you bring to a table or discrediting your potential.

I read this and the rest of her post and thought about my decision to stay away from posting in Facebook for two months.  A decision driven by my dislike for what I perceived as incivility from both sides of a political argument.  So far, I have gone three entire days without a post (I have been reading a bit but not posting).  No pictures of food.  No fun stories about my boys.  No stories of my boys cooking dinner either with me or for me.  Nothing about running--not even the results of a race I'd planned all summer for.  No comments on my friends' posts.  Nothing.  Silence.  As planned.  

Is it okay?  Well, it is definitely a different way of interacting with the world.  And, I am okay with it as I have chosen new ways to interact with the world.  I have sent emails about running to those with who I care about exchanges about running.  For example, I have sent emails of thanks to all those who helped me along the way (and whose names I know) from Sunday's race.  I have continued with my blog and tweeting and posting to Google+ even if I don't share it with Facebook.  

Facebook is just one forum for sharing a slice of my life and my story with others.  It is not the only forum.  It may not even be the best forum--particularly for certain topics like politics.  Sometimes asynchronous communication--particularly among a diverse group of friends of mine who don't necessarily know each other--can be very damaging as there is no change to explain, the level of "shouting" goes up exponentially, and the discussion just disintegrates.

Later in the day, the same person I had mentored before put up a post about professional disappointment.  Even though I am no longer formally her mentor, I wrote back to her about professional disappointment continuing  throughout one's career.  The exact topic changes, just the theme changes a bit.  I shared with her a story about a situation in which some of my colleagues seem to think that teaching is a zero sum game while others try to think about teaching as an activity in which there can be mutual benefit from courses that slightly overlap and that build a greater whole.

So, whether it is about sharing a slice of my life or sharing my teaching, I have to remember that as the person I'd mentored before posted at the close of her earlier post yesterday (and shifting from third person to first person), "I have the power to dictate who has power in my life; I need to be judicious and discerning. [I need to] Use it for good and don't let anyone stop me."  As I continue to work with colleagues on building up the best education program we can within the context of where I work and as I continue to share on Facebook after the election, I will have to decide whether (and how) to let people in who have proven to be barriers to my healthy and positive view of the world.  Is there any easy answer to that?  No.  My I hurt and hurt others?  Yes. But for my long term health and sanity, some choices must be made.  

Vision Board II in Text Part I: The Bread

This Saturday morning I "slept in".  Of course, sleeping in for someone who is usually an early morning runner can mean just not getting up until 6 AM, which I realize for most people would not be considered sleeping in.  After a long week in which I knocked a few important end of summer tasks off my to do list at work and an evening of walking with my wife and our dog to Belvedere Square to listen for a bit to a band that self describes as "alternative country," I needed some extra rest. Besides, tomorrow is the 20 mile race that I have been looking forward to all summer and extra rest the day before is not a bad thing.

As I sit, what have I been pondering.  In less than two weeks (thirteen days, to be exact) I get color added to my first tattoo.  I have, as the summer has gone on, been more willing to share my tattoo with those at work.  Most people seem surprised but I haven't noticed a huge change in anyone's opinion of me or anything.  I look forward to the addition of color and seeing what the final product looks like.  Emily told me that she was going to try to use period specific colors (the period being the 1930's setting of the clothes on St Sebastian and Irene, the lamppost, and the Baltimore City skyline.  

When I originally came up with the new title for this particular blog, I was thinking of "Connecting the Dots" in terms of a constellation in the sky or the type of activity we may have done as young kids.  Having a page with a bunch of dots that are numbered and connecting them to make a coherent picture.  What I didn't think of (but is kind of cool) is that tattooing is also sort of like connecting a bunch of dots--or at least putting a bunch of dots close enough together to form a coherent picture.  The notion of dots is captured well in a web page that describes the tattooing process.  

Sometimes in adult life it feels like we still get the dots on the page but not the numbers.  This makes developing a coherent picture more difficult sometimes.  But I suppose that challenge of figuring out how things fit together rather than simply being told is part of what being an adult rather than a child means.

It's sometimes funny how a blog entry wanders.  I never thought when I started typing that I'd end up with any focus on the issue of what it means to be an adult rather than a child.  With that, it is interesting to ponder how our "vision boards" would change over time.  I'm not sure how easy it would be even to define our interests, aspirations, and hopes enough to create a vision board.  I suppose that I had what I thought of as big dreams as a kid.  But I know that one thing about being where I am now in life (again, another adult-child distinction but this may even be a young adult and early-40's adult)  is that all the ideas about hopes and aspirations are much better defined.  I can think of the answers to this question in sort of a "life course" approach.  Where did they used to be?  Where are they now?  How do my life experiences to date influence where I am now?  And how do I expect anything to continue to evolve over time?    

I can verbalize (and then turn into pictures) what is now a much more stable set of ideas.

So, with that, and taking my existing tattoo as "life course symbolic vision board #1", I will begin a short series of reflections on what might be called life course symbolic vision board #2.  

It would begin with bread.  Wikipedia tells us that the history of bread goes back at least 30,000 years.    That is pretty amazing.  But that is not why I would choose it.  I would choose it for my second vision board as it represents my love of being in the kitchen.  I prepare many things in the kitchen but my specialty is bread.  I make bread more often than anything else.  And this is interpreting bread very broadly.  Bread can be pizza dough.  It can be stromboli dough.  It can be rolls I use for steak sandwiches.  Banana bread.  Bagels.  Pretzels.  Simple whole wheat bread.  Challah.  Easter bread.  Biscuits--with or without sweet addition.  Lion house rolls. Irish soda bread.  I've tried my hand at pita.  I've tried may hand at tortillas.  I've even tried my hand at injera.  The list goes on.  So much diversity (another theme in my life).  Bread is something I choose to make with my hands despite having a bread machine.  It gives me a sense of accomplishment.  Sometimes (particularly kneading dough for yeast breads) it lets me take out my frustrations.  It shows how I learn over time--as I have diversified the breads I make and I have even modified recipes to make them fit into the time that I have or for the specific needs I have in feeding my family.  Thus, bread as part of my life course vision board #2 would appear in multiple forms and represent many important parts of my adult life.