Family is People You Share Food with on a Regular Basis

Last night, I wrote a post about my social media family. I described family as: 

It includes blood and marriage of course. And immediate family are the people I cherish most in the world. But family here is the people I share with and who choose to share with me each day.

My friend, Alex, then posted:

I was in a community once that defined family as people that you share food with on a regular basis.

This was an interesting premise to learn about.  It got me thinking. In the traditional sense of a community, this would make a lot of sense. What would it mean to an electronic or virtual community? I wrote that perhaps if we adapted it to say "food for thought" or "pictures of food" it would work.

While this is an interesting adaptation of what Alex said, I wanted to spend some time thinking about why sharing food on a regular basis would make family by choice.  This is particularly interesting in light of some recent posts about blended families being families by choice and what the implications of families by choice would be.  

We can start with the obvious.  Family is about sharing.  Not only food, of course.  Although perhaps the earliest versions of family were mostly about sharing food-at the bottom of Maslow's triangle.  The most basic need.  With whom do we share when we are worried about taking care of our most basic needs?  The people we care about most.  Family.  At that point it was about survival.  And if we want to get biological-it was not only about our own survival or the survival of the species but also about the survival of our DNA once children were involved.

In this day and age, what does sharing food bring out?  Well, food brings our conversation.  When humans moved from just sharing whatever they already had to planning ahead, people could have been discussing strategy for the next hunt. Today, conversation could be about what was good in the day.  About what was bad in the day.  About the bigger picture.  About how each of us and the family unit as a whole fit in with the bigger picture and something bigger.  Spirituality.  Much higher on Maslow's triangle.

Why does it bring this out?  Well, I believe that truly sharing food doesn't mean just leaving a pot of something on the stove that everyone can grab a plate of when they get a chance.  Truly sharing means stopping and sitting at table together.  It makes us slow down.  It means we spend time in one place.  Around one table.  Focused.  Together.  Being a part of something bigger.  If we give a completely secular interpretation to "whenever two or more are gathered in my name" and just write "whenever two or more are gathered" I begin to recognize that there is something to that.  

In a world of friends separated not by the next cave, next house, or even next community over but by hundreds or thousands of miles, we can always gather at table.  But there are other ways to gather.  

I find that sharing pictures of food speaks volumes.  It speaks to how I (or anyone else sharing such a picture) likes to put time into our cooking.  Cares about our cooking.  Cares enough about our cooking to do something more than just a TV dinner for our family.  Cares enough to share it.  Some might say, show off rather  than share but I think it is about having other people be interested and thinking about whether they would ever make the same thing.  What they are going to make for dinner tonight. Sharing our inner workings as it really matters.  And sharing what is important.

Finally, sharing food for thought.  For me, it means I take the time to write.  For those who are part of my "Connecting the Dots" family it means taking the time to read what I have written.  The time to think and write, and time to read and think, is a reflective process that fits well with the sharing that could occur around a table with family (in whatever sense of the word) and food and drink.  It is an synchronous sharing relationship, but it is still a sharing relationship.  An online family.

It doesn't mean that a virtual family (even one centered around thinking) could ever replace a real family.  A family of people you can walk next to, sit next to, hug, and look at.  But it does offer a way of extending family.

And for that, I am grateful to have learned about my friend's community's interpretation of family. 

The Spirituality of Advent, Day 3, Week 1

Looking back at yesterday's blog entry all I can say is that it showed how little faith I have sometimes.  Looking forward from yesterday, I can say that I, who was part of the ministry team, received what was probably some of the most powerful ministering yesterday.  Funny how that happens sometimes.  I hope others received something from my ministry as well--in fact, I'm sure some people did based on comments.  

The biggest thing that from yesterday's blog entry that was proven absolutely wrong was that I would be surrounded by people but somehow feeling alone.  I can assure you that did not happen.

Matthew 18:20 should have given me a clue in advance that I would not need to worry:

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

There were many gathered in God's name yesterday to honor Greg Smith.  To read about the man I was there to honor here is a link to the obituary.  I heard one friend in the worship band describe him as a "mover and a shaker."

The obituary, the number of people at church (a standing room only Catholic church), the stories told about him during the homily (Fr. Hank Hilton focused again and again on Greg's grateful heart), the stories told about him during the eulogy that his brother made it through without losing it all point to one thing--how much he was loved.

And seeing that, I cannot think of how anyone in the church, myself included, could have felt alone.

I received one hug that I needed.  I gave one hug that someone else needed.  And I felt the joy and power of the experiences that so many had had along the way of the life we were celebrating.  

No matter what has kept me from playing my bass with the worship band since Confirmation (lack of time due to the new job or otherwise), yesterday was a true blessing.  

A blessing that the group I played with still cares about me.

A blessing that after six months, I was weak in a few spots, but I had pretty much not lost my touch with the bass.

A blessing to hear of the love that so many felt for and from the man whose life we were celebrating.

A blessing to see how many people could come together to celebrate life, support the family, and support each other.

The thought that maybe this is what I teach my children about in Sunday school sometimes--if there ever was an example of how we can experience God's kingdom here on earth, the inside of St. Pius X yesterday between 10 and 11:30 was it.  A unity of purpose.  A serene experience.  Nothing but love.  

I wouldn't have been surprised if there was a halo of light around the church yesterday representing the glory and power of God for all the world to see.  

Hope was waning when I wrote yesterday morning.  I could talk about the hope of resurrection but I felt an emptiness of hope inside my heart.

Hope has been restored heading into the rest of the week and beyond.  I must remember Matthew 18:20 and recognize that that alone should give me hope when I am gathered with others to truly focus on God's gifts.

Hope is waiting for me to keep it close to my heart as long as I want to.  It is only when I let go that it ceases to be there.