What was my race time last Sunday? And What Inspiration Can I Find?

I went into the 20 mile race on Sunday hoping to run the distance in 2 hours 26 minutes. In the end, my published time was 2:36:26.  I thought that the originally published time was off a bit, but perhaps I was so out of it after the race on Sunday, that I couldn't read straight across to see what my time was.  The 2:36 time is about what my watch had.  And, there is a lesson there.

I had a hard time finding an inspirational verse to go along with a time of 2:26.  But when I thougth a little harder and was guided by the 2:36 time I ran and thought about my own behavior in an argument last night, I came to Proverbs 2:3-6 where the blessings of wisdom are being discussed:

Yes, if you call for intelligence,
and to understanding raise your voice;
If you seek her like silver,
and like hidden treasures search her out,
Then will you understand the fear of the LORD;
the knowledge of God you will find;
For the LORD gives wisdom,
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding

In short, a reminder that God is the source of wisdom.  God is the source of knowledge and understanding.  These come from God's mouth.  

From my own mouth?  Sometimes a lack of wisdom.  Sometimes a lack of understanding.  Sometimes wonderful examples of the incivility that I discussed in the last blog entry.  

Sometimes in-person discussions can be easier to work around incivility because I have a chance to explain something I said.  Other times in person discussions contribute to incivility as there is not the time to process what I am saying and to ponder it before I write it down.  

These four verses just serve as a simple reminder to me to look for the same inspiration as to my behavior, my wisdom, my understanding, and my civility for my life at home as for my blogging and my interaction with the rest of the world.  And a reminder that sometimes that premise is a fail for me. So, I have to continue to work harder at living up to showing how my inspiration leads to better outcomes in home life as much as it does in writing, advising, teaching, and running.

Civil discussion--and why Ted Strickland wouldn't be welcome on my Facebook Timeline

So, ever since I started my temporary but planned to be lengthy (till the day after the US Presidential election in November) removal from Facebook posting and commenting, I've been thinking about what I do and don't want to encourage on my timeline when I return to posting.  Of course, people are allowed to have whatever opinions they want to have and are allowed to post on their own timelines whatever they want.  This is American and we value freedom of speech.  This is American and we value freedom of association--or not association.  On the "not association" side, essentially, I've gotten up, walked off, and left the conversation.  I had done this once at a parents meeting at my kids' school when it was clear that there was nothing further to be gained.  I sort fo felt that way on Facebook last Saturday evening.  We also value allowing diversity and heterogeneity of opinions.  

I don't want all my friends to be just like me.  That would, in fact, be pretty dull.  But I do want people who choose to post on my timeline to be like me in one way--that we all agree on the need to maintain civility.  And just because one person shows a little incivility that should not mean that the automatic reaction should be to one up that person arguing back.  Rather, I hope that I (if I ever post anything that even starts down the road toward incivility again) or my friends can just "tone it down".  That is one problem with politics (for which many people have passionate opinions) and asynchronous communication--where people can't "take back" something they wrote so easily and where the opportunity to explain often only comes after others have had a chance to stew over an issue for a while.

When it comes to incivility, I've seen more examples than I care to count recently.  So, let me elaborate a bit.  On the first night of the Democratic national convention, Governor of Ohio, Ted Strickland, gave a speech in which he said, “If Romney were Santa Claus, he would fire the reindeer and outsource the elves."  I heard this on the news.  No one questioned it.  Maybe one commentator later mentioned that he thought that the governor was a bit over the top.  It is enough that when I get around to it, I plan to change my party affiliation to independent rather than what it always has been as I am plenty dissatisfied with both sides.   

If I were to see someone post Governor Strickland's comments  to my timeline it would make me pretty unhappy and I would cal it out as incivility.  I don't believe that our supposedly serious political debate at a time of national crisis and a national turning point needs to sound like late night comedy.  I don't believe hat insults are necessary.  What I hope is that those who want to lead us can rise above insults, rise above comedy, rise above derision, rise above mockery, and instead of telling me everything about what an opponent will do wrong, will instead tell me what they will do right.  Don't tell me why the glass is half empty if the other person gets elected.  Instead, tell me why it will be half full if you get elected.  And when writing on my timeline, I hope that I and my friends will use similar discretion and think about what is being written.  Rarely will a statement that begins "Everyone who is in category X must think thing Y" absolutely true.  Rarely do I know a person's true and full motivation unless they have told me.  So, I should not be stereotyping.  I should not be presupposing motivations.  I should not be prejudicial.  And I hope that my friends will agree that these types of behaviors really don't help anyone.  

In general, I'm a "glass half full" kind of person.  Ever the optimist.  Ever trying to make the world a place in which more people can be more fulfilled.  It's not that only you or I can be fulfilled, but why not find a way to have more overall fulfillment and then divide it up?  

I noticed that I was so sensitive to potential incivility that it has begun to influence my professional writing.  A colleague asked me to sign on to a response to letters from others about a recent article we published.  The word "foolishly" had been used to describe a policy concern raised by those who had written about our article.  I insisted that the word be taken out and replaced with just stating that we believe that there is a different policy question to be addressed.  There are almost always multiple ways to approach policy evaluations and I didn't think it was out place to judge whether another person's premise was foolish and that such language would not help us to be taken any more seriously.  I also pointed out that to dismiss the ethical argument about what we had written as 'non-existent" rather than simply "kess important than those writing the letters seemed to think it should be" was also not the best decision.

I'm not saying that there are no black and white choices.  Sometimes there are.  But my world has a lot of mixed and jumbled colors that come together to form an interesting tapestry.  One in which I look for the beauty in what is there rather than trying to be critical.  And if and when I am too critical, I need to remember the lessons in civility and use the words I have written here as my guide.  It is not always easy for me to live up to.  But I have a clear idea of the politeness that I will expect to show and hope to find in others when I return to Facebook posting at some point.

Enough of dwelling on civility.  Simple enough to say--I plan to try to work harder to be polite and to maintain politeness in "my little part of the Facebook world".    

More Mentoring from Those I've Mentored

Yesterday, I wrote about the clever name of the two person marathon relay team I'll br running as a part of in November--Who's the Mentor?--with the reason for this name.  After I wrote, I went to the Y and did 5 miles at 6:40 pace for each mile with 1/4 mile job in between each.  Was that the fastest I've ever run five miles?  No. Was it the best I've ever felt?  No. Was it easier on a treadmill than it would have been outside on a track?  Yes.  But none of that mattered.  It was all about just getting back out there and starting over again getting ready for my next race.  Just as I had talked about yesterday.  Today, also in a move that I consider wise, I'm taking a day off from exercise--or at least a morning.  I may go to the Y later this evening for some biking or rowing before tomorrow's run.  Success doesn't come without some effort--even for those willing to get right back up again.

In any case, I had yet another example of being mentored by someone I had mentored yesterday--even though the person I'd mentored hadn't necessarily intended what she wrote as a mentoring experience. Here is just a part of her post yesterday morning, 

Your sharing a slice of your life or story with someone does not automatically entitle him or her to pass judgment or have an opinion you must observe. Never give someone the power to disempower you in your own life, by discounting what you bring to a table or discrediting your potential.

I read this and the rest of her post and thought about my decision to stay away from posting in Facebook for two months.  A decision driven by my dislike for what I perceived as incivility from both sides of a political argument.  So far, I have gone three entire days without a post (I have been reading a bit but not posting).  No pictures of food.  No fun stories about my boys.  No stories of my boys cooking dinner either with me or for me.  Nothing about running--not even the results of a race I'd planned all summer for.  No comments on my friends' posts.  Nothing.  Silence.  As planned.  

Is it okay?  Well, it is definitely a different way of interacting with the world.  And, I am okay with it as I have chosen new ways to interact with the world.  I have sent emails about running to those with who I care about exchanges about running.  For example, I have sent emails of thanks to all those who helped me along the way (and whose names I know) from Sunday's race.  I have continued with my blog and tweeting and posting to Google+ even if I don't share it with Facebook.  

Facebook is just one forum for sharing a slice of my life and my story with others.  It is not the only forum.  It may not even be the best forum--particularly for certain topics like politics.  Sometimes asynchronous communication--particularly among a diverse group of friends of mine who don't necessarily know each other--can be very damaging as there is no change to explain, the level of "shouting" goes up exponentially, and the discussion just disintegrates.

Later in the day, the same person I had mentored before put up a post about professional disappointment.  Even though I am no longer formally her mentor, I wrote back to her about professional disappointment continuing  throughout one's career.  The exact topic changes, just the theme changes a bit.  I shared with her a story about a situation in which some of my colleagues seem to think that teaching is a zero sum game while others try to think about teaching as an activity in which there can be mutual benefit from courses that slightly overlap and that build a greater whole.

So, whether it is about sharing a slice of my life or sharing my teaching, I have to remember that as the person I'd mentored before posted at the close of her earlier post yesterday (and shifting from third person to first person), "I have the power to dictate who has power in my life; I need to be judicious and discerning. [I need to] Use it for good and don't let anyone stop me."  As I continue to work with colleagues on building up the best education program we can within the context of where I work and as I continue to share on Facebook after the election, I will have to decide whether (and how) to let people in who have proven to be barriers to my healthy and positive view of the world.  Is there any easy answer to that?  No.  My I hurt and hurt others?  Yes. But for my long term health and sanity, some choices must be made.  

Who's the Mentor?

You may be asking whether this is a question I am posing seriously or something else?  And in relation to what?  Well, it is the name of the two person relay team I am participating in on Thanksgiving weekend.  Last year, I ran a full marathon that weekend and was blessed enough to almost qualify for Boston.  That is when my idea of my first tattoo (and its eventual evolution toward St. Sebastian and Irene) began.

This year, I will be running on the same course, but as part of a two person relay team that will run that distance.  I'll run half. My teammate will run half.  We registered as a team called, "Who's the Mentor?"

Why?

Well, for the past year and some, I have been a professional for her.  I won't claim to be the only as I imagine she has some mentors within the organization for which she works.  I have been her mentor with respect to public health and economics and her MPH studies.  As someone who is already married with kids (with her about to get married) I have also tried to be a good example (although I would not necessarily claim mentor) about life in general.  Work-life balance.  Doing what you love and loving what you do.  And so on.

She has been my running mentor.  I have seen her struggle.  Not with every race, but with some races, starting last Labor Day.  She has had a year of a few downs and mostly ups (at least in the races in which I have crossed paths with her).  Despite any downs here and there she always comes back.  And, I take a few lessons from that:

(1) Never give up.  I don't think I do, but she has set a great example of how not to give up and how keeping on coming back can lead to even better things eventually.

(2) Fix what's wrong.  She identified what her issues were for running and she fixed them.  That has made her an even stronger runner as far as I can tell.  This is a lesson I should take after a summer of runs that were by no means bad but were not quite what I'd expected.

(3) Be confident.  This is not to say act prideful.  This is not to say, act "cocky".  This is just to say that when I have done all the work and I know I can finish--I should never let that thought leave my mind.

(4) Be generous.  She not only participates in running--she gives through her running. She encourages others.  She is there for others.  I try to be as well.  I certainly do so on the academic side of the world.  I just have to remember that not only is there more to life in general than academics, but there is more to being a good person and all that God has called me to be than academics.

(5) Be thankful.  My teammate never fails to thank anyone she runs with--as far as I can tell.  Whether it is a workout on the track.  A long slow distance run.  A tempo run.  Anywhere, anytime.  She thanks those around her who help her have positive experiences in the world.  I try to do so, but I don't think I remember all the time.

Moving forward, if I follow the five points above--even better than I am following them now--even if I never have another lifetime personal best time at any distance--I will be a better runner, a better person, and someone who enjoys my running and life more as I bring a positive attitude to my little corner of the world.

I hope I can live up to it.

Vision Board II in Text Part II: A Golden Apple

As I continue to think about what my second vision board would contain, I turn to the idea of the golden apple--and how it symbolizes teaching.  It represents the center of my of my professional life.  It represents the highest goal that I have for the remainder of my professional life--to be the best educator that I can be.  Educator, for me, means a combination of teaching and showing students how to do research and teaching them about being professionals.  I'm not always sure I do the last of these very well, but it is something that I strive for.  All three of the things I listed are "teaching" but not all teaching in the classroom.  Teaching can be so much more.

I am fortunate enough to have been awarded two Golden Apple awards at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.  They involved teaching online.  That is somewhat like teaching in the classroom, but not identical by any means.  There may or may not be more awards in my career.  Whether there are or not does not affect my desire to teach.  My passion about teaching.  Regardless of whether I ever get more awards, the two awards I have received symbolize my emphasis on teaching.  It has been a big part of my life in the time since I began graduate school and it will continue to be a big part of my life as long as I continue to be a faculty member somewhere.

As I envision how this would fit with the first element of my second vision board (bread) I see different types of bread around a golden apple.  The bread is the sustenance.  The golden apple is central to my existence.

Why is teaching so central to my existence.  Because while I have emphasized teaching within a graduate school setting so far, that is not the only opportunity I have for teaching.  Obviously teaching can be of my own kids too.  Teaching can be within the Sunday school setting (and although having St. Sebastian in my first vision board shows that I value spreading the word of God, the element of teaching about the word of God now becomes front and center).  Teaching can be within the community.  Teaching can occur any time, any place where I am with someone.

I also like to think of teaching by example.  Teaching by my behavior.  Teaching by my choices.  Teaching by what I do as much as by what I say.  Teaching by showing how to use what I teach and not just teaching things for the sake of the information itself.

Finally, I not only hope to continue to use my teaching skills but I hope to continue to improve my teaching skills.  Just because I am good at something does not mean that I should not continue to make an investment to be even better.  It is intellectually stimulating.  And it is what my students deserve.  

"There is a lot of religion and spirituality that people don't talk about"

The other day I was listening to Maryland Morning on WYPR.  It is a morning news and information program.  They replayed an interview with Margo Adler (a voice familiar to NPR listeners) about paganism in the United States.  I had not realized that Ms. Adler is a Wiccan priestess.  The interview was not particularly about Wiccan practices, but more about spirituality in general and, in particular, spirituality that not everyone would necessarily be familiar with.

At about 3:23 in the interview, she was asked something like how religion fits into the current political discourse.  Her answer began with the quote that serves as the title for this blog entry.  So, before I take my own interpretation, it is critical to understand that she was making whatever comment she followed up with in the context of answering the question I described.

I believe she is right.  I believe there is also a converse--a lot of people don't spend much time at all talking about religion and spirituality.  Others spend a lot of time talking about it.  But there is a lot that people don't know about each other's practices, beliefs, or struggles beyond the basics of each religion's premises and practices that are part of our shared culture.

It caught my attention because I spend a lot of time thinking.  A lot of time struggling.  A lot of time trying to understand.  And I know that some of my friends do too.  We often come to different conclusions.  That is okay.  While some religions are based on the belief that it is possible to have a monopoly on the truth, I think that we can all agree that as individual humans none of us has a monopoly on the truth.  

What interests me is that within my own Catholic faith there are many who attend mass regularly but who don't have much to say about religion outside church.  I used to be that way.

Then I added teaching Sunday school.

Then I added playing in the worship band.

Now I blog.

All are ways to get in touch.  All are ways of sharing.  In Sunday school, I don't spend much time sharing my doubts.  I'll share the fact that some things remain a mystery, but I don't share my doubts with third graders.

When playing music that is not about doubts--that is about ways to increase the connection I (and hopefully others) feel with God through music.

When blogging, that is when I stop.  Think hard about what I believe.  Write it down.  Leave it for others to comment on.  And really listen for the whisper of God around me rather than what, as a child, I had always believed would come as a roar of revelation.  That is the type of spirituality and religious experience that I don't hear about much.  That is what I wonder how many other people have.

Vision Board II in Text Part I: The Bread

This Saturday morning I "slept in".  Of course, sleeping in for someone who is usually an early morning runner can mean just not getting up until 6 AM, which I realize for most people would not be considered sleeping in.  After a long week in which I knocked a few important end of summer tasks off my to do list at work and an evening of walking with my wife and our dog to Belvedere Square to listen for a bit to a band that self describes as "alternative country," I needed some extra rest. Besides, tomorrow is the 20 mile race that I have been looking forward to all summer and extra rest the day before is not a bad thing.

As I sit, what have I been pondering.  In less than two weeks (thirteen days, to be exact) I get color added to my first tattoo.  I have, as the summer has gone on, been more willing to share my tattoo with those at work.  Most people seem surprised but I haven't noticed a huge change in anyone's opinion of me or anything.  I look forward to the addition of color and seeing what the final product looks like.  Emily told me that she was going to try to use period specific colors (the period being the 1930's setting of the clothes on St Sebastian and Irene, the lamppost, and the Baltimore City skyline.  

When I originally came up with the new title for this particular blog, I was thinking of "Connecting the Dots" in terms of a constellation in the sky or the type of activity we may have done as young kids.  Having a page with a bunch of dots that are numbered and connecting them to make a coherent picture.  What I didn't think of (but is kind of cool) is that tattooing is also sort of like connecting a bunch of dots--or at least putting a bunch of dots close enough together to form a coherent picture.  The notion of dots is captured well in a web page that describes the tattooing process.  

Sometimes in adult life it feels like we still get the dots on the page but not the numbers.  This makes developing a coherent picture more difficult sometimes.  But I suppose that challenge of figuring out how things fit together rather than simply being told is part of what being an adult rather than a child means.

It's sometimes funny how a blog entry wanders.  I never thought when I started typing that I'd end up with any focus on the issue of what it means to be an adult rather than a child.  With that, it is interesting to ponder how our "vision boards" would change over time.  I'm not sure how easy it would be even to define our interests, aspirations, and hopes enough to create a vision board.  I suppose that I had what I thought of as big dreams as a kid.  But I know that one thing about being where I am now in life (again, another adult-child distinction but this may even be a young adult and early-40's adult)  is that all the ideas about hopes and aspirations are much better defined.  I can think of the answers to this question in sort of a "life course" approach.  Where did they used to be?  Where are they now?  How do my life experiences to date influence where I am now?  And how do I expect anything to continue to evolve over time?    

I can verbalize (and then turn into pictures) what is now a much more stable set of ideas.

So, with that, and taking my existing tattoo as "life course symbolic vision board #1", I will begin a short series of reflections on what might be called life course symbolic vision board #2.  

It would begin with bread.  Wikipedia tells us that the history of bread goes back at least 30,000 years.    That is pretty amazing.  But that is not why I would choose it.  I would choose it for my second vision board as it represents my love of being in the kitchen.  I prepare many things in the kitchen but my specialty is bread.  I make bread more often than anything else.  And this is interpreting bread very broadly.  Bread can be pizza dough.  It can be stromboli dough.  It can be rolls I use for steak sandwiches.  Banana bread.  Bagels.  Pretzels.  Simple whole wheat bread.  Challah.  Easter bread.  Biscuits--with or without sweet addition.  Lion house rolls. Irish soda bread.  I've tried my hand at pita.  I've tried may hand at tortillas.  I've even tried my hand at injera.  The list goes on.  So much diversity (another theme in my life).  Bread is something I choose to make with my hands despite having a bread machine.  It gives me a sense of accomplishment.  Sometimes (particularly kneading dough for yeast breads) it lets me take out my frustrations.  It shows how I learn over time--as I have diversified the breads I make and I have even modified recipes to make them fit into the time that I have or for the specific needs I have in feeding my family.  Thus, bread as part of my life course vision board #2 would appear in multiple forms and represent many important parts of my adult life.