May There Be Words

May There Be Words

Word are powerful things.

There are times when I have used them to hurt.

The volume.

The tone.

The meaning.

And when they hurt someone else they ultimately hurt me too.

Emotionally and spiritually—and perhaps ultimately physically

As hurt is never something I look back on

And feel good about.

But most of the time I use them for positivity.

Describing.

Presenting.

Teaching.

Talking about my passions.

Seeking meaning.

Longing.

Cheering on.

Cheering up.

Thanking.

Wishing.

Loving.

Healing myself.

Praying for healing for others.

Inspiring.

For some of us words come as easy as does

Music

Or dancing

Or visual art

Or other forms of expression do for others.

But for me it is words.

Always words.

Written words are easier than spoken words.

But both come.

Having the words come is a blessing.

Continuing to have the words come easily

Is an answer to my prayers for

Clarity and expression.

Praying that words will come for others does not guarantee they will.

But I know there are friends who need words

In their lives

Right now.

I pray they find them.

And that they fall on receptive ears.

Friday's Run--Back to Normal

So, I took four days off from running.  That is very unusual for me at this point--and not generally conducive to reaching 2000 miles for the year, except for the fact that my legs felt fresh (although not necessarily any extra fast) afterwards.

I ran a relatively easy 6.4 miles back in Baltimore around the neighborhood in which I had to worry only a very little about ice.  The path was a very basic loop out to York Rd, down to Woodbourne, across Homeland to Charles, up to Stevenson, back Dumbarton to York, then turning in on Cedarcroft to get home as a loop rather than any out and back.

On my quest for 2000 miles, it leaves me on US 22 somewhere between East Fultonham and Somerset, Ohio.  

The "back to normal" was for several reasons.  First, the four days missed.  The first of these was obvious--snowstorm with everything closed (although the snow storm ended up being a bit of a dud.)  The second was rushing to get out the day after the snowstorm.  Then, two days of very long nights to make sure work things were done made me miss running in the morning.

Interestingly, it really was "back to normal" as I not only ran but had my 14 year old thinking it was typical in another way.  After being gone for two dinners (Wednesday and Thursday) and one breakfast (just Thursday) my 14 year old had asked my wife the night before something along the lines of, "Will Dad be home tomorrow morning?  Maybe he will make something."  And sure enough, I did.  A recipe of cornbread which made the 14 year old's packed lunch for his boychoir tour more interesting.

The one thing that I would also like to comment while being away was anything but normal.  But it was pretty cool.  In my experience as an expert on cost-effectiveness, I have had a chance to meet many people and give many presentations.  I was away on Thursday in Lincoln, NE.  I gave two lectures and led several meetings with a research group at St. Elizabeth's hospital there.  Among the local's it goes by "St. E's.".  The first meeting at the start of the day included the CEO and President.  She led the meeting off with a reflection (for all practical purposes a prayer).  And it was a nice way to start the day.  She had no idea of how I'd reach so she made sure to point out how this tied in with St. Elizabeth's being a faith-based organization.

It was a pretty cool part of a pretty cool trip.  I may go back next year.  And there is a marathon there in the spring...

Exercise in Patience

Today's treadmill workout was an exercise in patience as much as it was an exercise of my muscles or cardio system.  I got on the treadmill for a one hour workout.  I ran at 7.5 or 7.6 miles per hour the whole time.  And I reached 7.5 miles (the intended distance with a constant 8 minute mile) with one second to go.  That was because I wanted to make sure I reached the distance.  Part of the flick up to 7.6 miles per hour every once in a while was to make sure I reached my distance before the time was up (1 hour is the default workout) and part of the flick up to 7.6 miles per hour every once in a while was because every treadmill takes time to get to up to speed.  So I always have to do a little adjusting to make sure I reach my intended distance at the intended time.

In any case, running for that long on a treadmill at essentially the same pace is an exercise in patience.  I am tempted to run faster.  I have to resist the temptation to do so, however.  If I do, I open myself up more to injury.  Not that I have had any serious injury in quite some time, but why risk it.

I usually do math.  How many minutes?  How many seconds?  How many gone?  How many left?  What percentage?  When will I hit the next milestone? I even took to counting steps today and found that in a minute I take about 160 steps so that a one hour workout will be a total of about 9,600 steps.  That is pretty amazing.

At the end of one hour today, here is how I looked.  You can't really tell how sweaty my leg is, but trust me, after an hour in a relatively warm fitness room, there were drops of sweat all over the treadmill.  And then, I bundled up with a dry t-shirt, that good old 1985 Upper Darby Cross Country sweatshirt, and the Heather Hurd 5K headband.  It was a morning of things past and things future as the tattoo is significant of both, the sweatshirt and headband are past, the shirt I wore for the workout was also past (from a former student in Ireland).  But, when I run, I run forward and that is always looking into the future.  I know how many miles I have run this year: 1832 in 256 days of running.  Assuming I run each of the remaining days on vacation that will be 260 days of running for the year (essentially 5 days per week) with each run being on average a bit over 7 miles.  That is a lot of time spent running.  I'll have to see whether I can do the same next year or not.  But I hope to continue to set and meet new goals--fitness and otherwise, so I am certainly doing to try.

There are many goals. I have talked about new year's resolutions on a FB note or my blog each year for the past 3 or 4 and I will reflect again this year in a few days.

But one thing that came to mind yesterday that I found I have been returning to multiple times lately is the prayer of St. Francis.  A friend and fellow runner/blogger put up a post yesterday that said "Better to be the one who smiled than the one who didn't smile back." It made me think of the prayer of St Francis.  It has lines like let me seek to console more than to be consoled.  Let me see to understand more than to be understood.  So, I figured a person could add "Let me see to smile at others more than to be smiled at."  

That is really a good plan for life.  Give.  Give.  Give  And when the time comes for you to need to ask others to give back if you have given consistently, there will almost always be people there.  People who can give back in ways that I may never have imagined.  People who are more than willing to give back because of all that I gave along the way.

There is a refrain--the more you put into life, the more you get out of it.  I certainly felt that this year.  There were numerous friends who had job issues, marriage issues, business issues, or running issues.  I was there for them as I could be.  And when there were times I needed to tap into other people's wisdom and kindness, I was able to do so.

I smiled and got smiled back at.

I understood and was understood.

I consoled and was consoled.

Numerous friends have talked about simply surrounding oneself with good people.  The rest will take care of itself.  While it is not always exactly that simple, it goes a long way.

Coming back to where I started with an exercise in patience--the relationships that one must build to live life surrounded by others who share values and who share goals and who are "good" do not always come in a day or overnight.  Sometimes they require weeks, months, or years of development.  But with investment, patience, and an awareness of how special the outcome can be (of a well built friendship or of well build fitness) the ultimate goal and ultimate answer will be strong and amazing. 

But while

I was running, in addition to showing patience and resisting the urge to go faster, I was ponder  

Serenity Prayer

The very first time I was exposed to a group of runners saying the Serenity Prayer was at the first supported course run for the Baltimore Running Festival in the summer of 2010. I had just started training with a group and I had heard about the run that would cover part of the course.  It was as hot as anything that day and it was one of the few days in the past four years when I set out on a run and didn’t make the whole distance as I did not have enough water with me and decided to call it quits before heading down Key Highway toward the Under Armour offices and back again. 

Later, I would learn that this group called Back on My Feet was something that I was going to be a part of.  Two years and running now.  Some weeks I run a lot with Back on My Feet.  Other weeks, I get in only one run or even just one every other week. But each time I join the group of runners that I have become a part of over the past two years we begin with Serenity Prayer in answer to “Who woke us up this morning?” 

Just yesterday when I was out on a 14 mile run (most of which was with one friend I had met through Back on My Feet and the end of which was after joining my team for the Serenity Prayer), I commented that the one thing that I miss about not being able to join my team as often as I used to is the opportunity to recite the Serenity Prayer in a group.  Of course, I could think about things that I have the ability to change and not change by myself without ever saying the Serenity Prayer.  And, of course, I would say the Serenity Prayer in the quiet of my own room, my own car, or being out on my own run.  But there is something about reciting a prayer in a group that makes it feel “more real”.  I’m not sure how else to describe it.   And just as with so many things in my life recently, I have noticed that when I say it out loud and have a chance to think about what I am saying, it forces me to think about what I am saying, to process what I am saying, and to make sure that I believe what I am saying. 

Being part of a group that recites the Serenity Prayer regularly has helped me—perhaps even forced me—to come to grips with a variety of things over the past two years.  Sorting out—what are the things I have to just have the serenity to accept, what are the other things that I have to have the courage to change (and then go and change them), and knowing the difference is critical to my life in general.

I think that this is also critical to my living after the Boston Marathon of 2013.  I can’t change that it happened.  I can't change the fact that when the attackers thought about what they could change--they chose to change something in a very negative way.  That is part of the free will.  And if I value free will, I have to be willing to accept the fact that it can be used for both positive and negative.  

I can’t change that I was there.  I can’t change how much running had dominated my life for three years leading up to the Boston Marathon in 2013.  I can’t get back anything that any member of my family views as missed because I was running (although I don’t think I missed much due specifically to running).   I can’t change the fact that I was unharmed in the events of April 15 but many people (some of who were of a very tender age like the eight year old who died and some of whom live in the Baltimore area) were not as safe.  I am not sure whether I ever would have identified what I was feeling as survivor’s guilt, but I certainly have uttered the phrase, “There but for the grace of God go I,” any number of time since April 15. 

I can make changes looking ahead.  I can rethink just where running belongs in a very full life.  I can think about getting more sleep and giving up some on running to lead a healthier life.  That will help my career and it should help my family as well.  It may mean I stay awake for things better than I have over the past several years.  Maybe I will sleep better.  Maybe I will function better in my waking hours.  I can think about traveling or not traveling to run in the future.  I can think about 5K’s rather than marathons.  I can think about different amounts of training—maybe a little shorter, maybe a little simpler, but just as much effort each time I go out running and once a week taking just a bit longer to really enjoy the freedom and exhilaration of being out there and taking in the nature world or the world made by man at the break of dawn.

Given that I was lucky enough to come away from April 15 unscathed physically and realizing just how much the fact that I was unscathed was a matter of change (i.e., something that I could not change and could not even anticipate), I find the need to return to the Serenity Prayer and to continue to have it being a guiding force in my life even more important than before the Boston Marathon. 

And I find the challenges that if offers to be even sharper and more important and more challenging than before the Boston Marathon.  I had freedom in the first month (and I will continue to have a little freedom looking ahead) to make “beginner’s mistakes”.  But that only lasts so long.  And one reason that won’t be acceptable for making mistakes is wrong priorities.  But priorities have to be put in a whole life context.  And that whole life includes so much more than work and running.  And the other parts of life beyond work and running are the things that will last forever and should get first dibs when deciding what I have to accept, what I have to change, and how those changes should occur. 

Easy?  No.  But no one said that leading a full life would be easy.  It is bound to be as full of challenges as it is full of sweet moments.

A Prayer to St. Sebastian--Protect Me in My Athletic Efforts

This morning I went out for a 14.1 mile run at 5:40 returning at 7:30.  I ran to the zoo and back with a lap around the Druid Hill reservoir.   I have included a picture I took this morning-sights like this make it worth running early in the morning, even if alone.

For a run from 5:40-7:30 in the morning (even at this time of year and on into the summer) I don't tend to use a lot of sunscreen.  But similarly to morning of the Boston Marathon, I did use sunscreen in one place before I went for my run this morning.  I carefully sunscreened the tattoo to preserve the image as carefully as possible.

The five second description of the image is a modern reinterpretation of artwork depicting Saint Sebastian being rescued after being shot by archers--using 1930's Baltimore to guide the skyline and the clothing.  St. Sebastian is the patron saint of athletes in the Catholic church.  When I decided to get a tattoo, this was not my original idea, but as I went through a process of discernment, I was drawn to the symbolism inherent in a patron saint.

I have said prayers asking for intercession from St. Sebastian to God on my behalf (that is the standard approach to invoking a saint in a prayer in the Catholic church as we only pray to honor God but we may pray to particular saints to ask for their intercession on our behalf).  And, much like the several races before the Boston it was a simple prayer.  Asking that I would be blessed to give as much effort in my experience as St. Sebastian had put forth in his experiences and that my experience would  show to glory of God.  I also through in a comment about protecting my health.

Why did I make a comment about protecting my health? There is a risk of death when running a marathon.  It is not high (0.75 per 100,000 runners according to an article at http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2012-05-15/health/bal-marathon-low-deaths_1_marathon-health-benefits-mortality-and-disability).  But it is there and a couple years ago when there was a cluster of marathon related deaths (which we have not seen again since that time) my extended family had been quite worried.

I never imagined the risk to my health that actually did occur that day.  In fact, no on in my running circle had.  I doubt anyone in my family had.  My prayer was a naive one.

When the day was over, I realized just how blessed I was.  Was I protected by my prayer to St. Sebastian?  I will never know.  I ran a good race.  The attackers chose their time to attack for whatever reason they did.  My finish and the time of their attack did not coincide.  Could just have easily been dumb luck or good fortune as anything having to do with a prayer.

But the next time I pray to St. Sebastian before a race I will pray with a different set of risks in my mind.  Will I always pray to St. Sebastian before a race? Probably.  It is difficult to forget the prayer when I have St. Sebastian drawn permanently on my leg.  What risks will I pray for protection from?  Unfortunately, they will always include the risks of a terror attack looking ahead.  And even if it is just all imagination, it is psychologically helpful to think that there is something out there bigger than me--some being, some purpose, some cause--that for whatever reason has protected and continues to protect me in my athletic efforts and efforts in life in general.  

Visceral Hatred and Redemption

Last week when I wrote my first post-marathon entry, I wrote about how the death of an eight year old I did not know had inspired me renew my efforts to live every day of my life to its fullest.  I thought afterwards that it was easy for me to write that since I did not know the eight year old.  So, his death was just a concept for me.  But one thing that has bugged me ever since last week is that it did not necessarily have to be an eight year old I did not know.  While my family was not there and had never expected to come to Boston to watch me, they could have.  And while the explosions occurred 90 minutes after I crossed the finish line, there is (as yet) no logical reason for the explosions having occurred at 2:50 rather than at 1:20.  So, I have spent some time dwelling on the what ifs that leads to.

On one of my overseas work trips I read a book by Frank Herbert (author of Dune) called The White Plague.  The gist of it is that a US bioengineer was in Ireland at the time during which the IRA was exploding bombs relatively frequently.  He lost his wife and son in a bombing caused by the IRA.  That pushed him over the edge enough to create a bioterrorism virus that nearly destroyed the world.  I read the book with an interest in the description of the search for the person, government's reactions to the bioterrorism, and the struggles the main character had after he launched the bioterrorism event.  I did not take seriously the premise that the death of a wife and child could push someone that far over the edge.

After last Monday, however, I could imagine it much more easily.  My eight year old was safely 400 miles away.  My wife has never been to Boston.  And yet the fact that someone could attack something so dear to me in a way that could even possibly put my family at risk brought up a hatred in me that I don't recall ever feeling before.  This even exceeds any emotion I recall feeling after September 11, 2001.  I felt desperation back in 2001 but not this level of hatred.  For me, September 11, 2001, was a horrible incident but it was also "conceptual".  In contrast, the issues here felt so much closer to me.  And I feared what I felt.  But writing that I felt it at all helps me to let it go.

I am not suggesting that I would have reacted as the character in the novel.  But, I am saying that I could have imagined snapping out in a way I had never imagined before.

But at Boston Marathon plus six days, i.e., Sunday April 20, I think I had a bit of redemption.  The day was certainly part of my rebuilding process.  And others may or may not see this as a part of redemption.  But I had to confront some of the issues from last Monday head on and brought my faith out in doing so.

I teach Sunday school at the St. Pius X catholic church as I have for a decade.  My class this year is third graders.  I thought long and hard about what I was going to say to the students before class yesterday.  I had decided not to bring up the Boston Marathon events unless the students brought them up.

And so we began class with the Lord's Prayer and then I asked what students wanted to pray for.  One student had heard about the Boston Marathon events at the 8 AM mass.  (I should probably say been reminded of as I am sure all the students heard about it during the week.)  Another student remembered that I had told them I would miss class the previous week because I was going to run the Boston Marathon.  (It had seemed like a harmless thing to tell them in advance.)  Then, we spent 15 minutes or so talking about the events.

I reassured the children that I was not in direct danger.  The students seemed to be having difficult coming to grips with why anyone would do this.  The best I could tell them was that I did not know.  So far, no one knows.  Then, I reminded them that each of us makes bad decisions sometimes.  I challenged them to think of bad decisions they had made and to try to think of why they did it.  They agreed that sometimes they had trouble figuring out their own poor decisions.  So, it was not unreasonable to think that they would not understand others' bad decisions.  I also told them about all the good things of Monday.  The 8,500 volunteers who helped runners all weekend and on the day of the race before 2:50.  I also pointed out all the good decisions and good people who helped others after 2:50.  And I pointed out the bad decisions the two men had made.  I challenged them to think about the Ten Commandments and eight Beatitudes.  And to remember that these are what we believe should guide us.

Finally, I pointed out that in our justice system, the surviving brother has not yet been proven guilty.  And I uttered the word forgiveness. I didn't make a really big deal of this.  I did mention how hard it would be to forgive.  And I don't expect anyone to forget.  But forgiveness (when a person is truly sorry) is a fundamental part of my faith.

Redemption?  Maybe.  Maybe it is just in my own mind.  But I have stated and let go of the hatred I felt and I have stated the word forgiveness--a part of moving forward and completely coming to grips with the experiences of the last seven days.  I cannot guarantee I would be talking about forgiveness if the dead or injured had been my relatives.  But I find that uttering the word forgiveness after thinking sharply hateful thoughts is part of my process of moving on.  

Feast of St. Sebastian

As I look ahead to 2013 starting from the Feast of St. Sebastian, I see many times ahead where praying for intercession from a saint may be useful:

New career opportunities with some big changes may be available--I will have to focus on the choice of how to share my gifts in different potential roles.

Challenges with cars--not very much religious here, but the stresses that are sure to follow can be difficult to handle and it will be important to lead life of serenity and to not let the stresses with physical possessions affect the way I relate to people.

Challenges with the house--it may need some repairs.  Again, not religious but just thinking about stressors.  Same set of challenges.

Growth of my children--praying for their continued success and development and for them to find their ways to share their gifts despite challenges.

Marriage--will be affected by all of the above and will continue to require a consistent commitment as it has from day one.

Running--knowing the right place for it in my life, especially after the Boston marathon.  I told my weekend training partners yesterday that Boston might be my last marathon.  She just chuckled and said something to the effect of not being able to imagine that.  Still, even if I continue to run, I have to come to grips with how the running fits in against everything else I am asked to do.

So, I will pray for all this today and into the future. I will ask for St. Sebastian's intercessions, and I will try to live a life guided by God.  

Another Day Pondering Franciscan Versus Augustinian Running

Today, I plan to do a tempo workout on the track.  For my non-running friends, a tempo workout is where I try to maintain over several miles (this morning it will be 6.25 miles--or 25 time around a local high school track) a pace at which I won't be carrying on a conversation.  In fact, the pace will be faster than I ran the one 10K (6.2 miles so 0.05 miles shorter) I ran this spring.  It is in an effort to get ready for a half marathon race in two months.

This type of workout I suppose should at least be easier than a similar distance on a treadmill, although at the Y they at least have treadmills with individual TV screens.  Where at the track all I will have to look at is the track in the relative darkness.  Some I know who have done similar workouts talk about how this type of workout is as much mental as it is physical.

On the mental side, there will be many temptations to just let my mind wander--to be Augustinian.  Imagining.  Thinking ahead.  Just letting my mind ponder everything other than what I'm supposed to be doing.  To wonder rather than to notice.

What I need is a very Franciscan run.  In the moment.  Taking notice of everything as I go along.  And taking notice just for the sake of taking notice.  Taking notice so that I can ponder later.  Keeping track of what I feel.  Keeping track of my breathing.  Keeping track of my time.  Just taking it all in.  

In my prayer life, my approach, as I have mentioned before, tends to be much more Augustinian.  So, today will be a physical test--can I run 6.25 miles in less than 43:45? Today will be a mental test--can I concentrate on just one thing for 43:45.  The mental test will hopefully translate into something spiritual and something work-related.  That is an interesting juxtaposition.  But I am almost always multi-tasking.  And sometimes it is a challenge for me to spend 43:45 on just about anything.  Maybe I should just take 43:45 and meditate over something related to my religion.  Maybe I should break my day into 43:45 segments and just concentrate on one thing for that amount of time.  Always ready to move onto the next item of business, but focusing on just one thing at a time.

With my tattoo of St. Sebastian, I have been inspired to look up prayers that focus on St. Sebastian.  One I found in multiple places is below:

Dear Commander at the Roman Emperor's court, you chose to be a soldier of Christ and dared to spread faith in the King of Kings---for which you were condemned to die. Your body, however, proved athletically strong and the executing arrows extremely weak. So another means to kill you was chosen and you gave your life to the Lord. May athletes be always as strong in their faith as their Patron Saint so clearly has been. Amen.

I would add to that "May I concentrate on my faith as much as my Patron Saint has been strong in his faith and as much as my Patron Saint's body was strong."  This is an interesting prayer of intercession.  It is, in part, asking for the Patron saint's intercession by addressing him.  I know there is much controversy over whether saints can intercede for people.  If we place that issue aside, this is much more a prayer of asking God to help me be like a saint whose life story I admire.

We'll see how I do.

Lift Up My Day to the Lord

So, I missed writing this morning.  And I missed running this morning.  Not the best morning for the things that I usually find enriching.  But I did get some work done and that was a good thing.  In fact, I went to bed early last night because I was trying to get some work done after mass (at 5:30 PM) in which I played bass and dinner (yummy pork, sauerkraut, and carrots in a slow cooker on homemade rolls) but I was falling asleep working.

So this morning I got work done before 5:30. Then I made some honey wheat bagels.  Then I went to the grocery store.  Then I had a nicely productive day at work.  Then I came home and did dishes.  Now, I am looking at reading to my seven year old, going to pick up my poster for tomorrow, picking up my 13 year old from boychoir, making banana bread for the family tomorrow, maybe running tonight, and then having a nice day at the conference tomorrow.

So, today has been a day of doing.  And while I would love to reflect on my first day of teaching 3rd graders about faith formation, or yesterday's second reading, or playing music, or any of another large set of things about my faith, I think I will make one simple statement today.

As a very Franciscan style prayer--I lift up my day to the Lord.  That is actually sort of part of the definition of prayer in the kids' book.  The definition mentioned talking to and listening to God.  It also mentioned lifting up the heart and mind.  Today I lifted up my mind and my actions and tried to make sure my heart was guiding me as well.

Was everything full of grace?  No, probably not.  Was I using all the gifts God has given me to try to make the world a better place?  I tried.  So, I lift up what I did to the Lord.  And I continue to make the commitment to make the effort better each day in the moment and for the good of today as well as the good of tomorrow.  (I typed that last part in without even thinking but it seems like an Augustinian twist is nearly inescapable in my spiritual life).

First Day of Faith Formation at St. Pius X 2012-13

We have finally reached the first day of Faith Formation at St Pius X Catholic Church in Towson.  Back when I was a kid we called in CCD.  When I first began teaching it was called school of religion.  It has also been known as religious education.  I generically use Sunday school in conversation.  It gets grouped with faith formation because tonight is also the start of classes in preparation for confirmation for this year's 9th graders at St Pius.

In preparation for the first class, I have done a lot of thinking and some writing since last Sunday about Franciscan and Augustinian prayer.  There are two other types that correspond to the other combinations of intuitive/sensing and thinking/feeling in the Myers-Briggs personality types. Although it is interesting to note that the intuitive is grouped with thinking/feeling while the sensing is grouped with judging/perceiving.  In any case, one of the other types is Ignatian.  In that style, I get the sense that the idea is to put myself in the ancient text rather than trying to relate the Biblical words to life today (as is the most common idea that I perceive in Augustinian) or praying just out of experience of reality, particularly nature (as is the most common idea that I perceive in Franciscan).  Putting myself in the ancient text would be like trying to imagine the experience.  I suppose I did that best when I wrote a play for the religious education program to do at Christmas a number of years ago called "Who Makes Time for God?"  It still have a bit of an Augustinian element because the problem faced by one of the shepherds was having too many things on his "to do" list so that he didn't make it to see the baby Jesus as the other shepherds did at his birth and that is a very modern problem.  But I'd imagine that even the shepherds then had to think about their duties and their flocks and make a decision to listen to the angel.  My writing involved trying to imagine what the experience was like.

So, as I jotted down my notes for this morning, I found myself thinking about the many different types of prayer and the reality of creation.  With a lesson on creation, obviously the simplest prayer style to think about is Franciscan.  What do we see, what are we thankful for, and why?  As we look at the two stories of creation in Gen 1:1-2:3 and Gen 2:4-24, we find that there is some room for both Augustinian and Ignatian.  On the Ignatian side, I could have the students try to imagine what it would have been like if we read Gen 1 literally and Adam and Eve were told by God to fill the earth and subdue it.  Then, in an Augustinian twist, I can ask the kids what does that mean today-what is not only our dominion over the plants and animals but our responsibility for them as well.  Referring to Gen 2:2-24, I could, in an Ignatian way ask them to imagine being the only human (as Adam is described) and then the joy at having someone else around for the first time-then join that with an Augustinian approach to asking about how important other people are in their lives today.  Unlike Simon and Garfunkel, we are not rocks or islands.

In addition, I can also introduce the basic most basic concept of prayer.  No, I am not going to introduce my 8 and 9 year olds to the four types, but there is a nice definition in the book we will use that talks about talking and listening to God and goes one step further about lifting our hearts to Go.   We can discuss rote prayer (the Our Father is always a good starting place) and prayers for intercession to saints, and since I have been looking at things about St. Sebastian for my own life, I could share some of that with the children.  

Plus drawing a name tag for each kid's desk so that I learn names quickly.  With only 13 (so far) it should not be too hard to learn their names.

A lot to pack into the 45 minutes to an hour I'll have with them on day 1.  That is okay as I try not to dwell on any one thing for more than about 10 minutes.  That leads to thinking about a minimum of 4 or 5 discrete activities even in 45 minutes.

This year will be an interesting challenge.  I am really looking forward to working with the kids and continuing my spiritual growth through that work.

Thirsting for the Lord

On Sunda at the mass attended by all the catechists, we sang a song based on Psalm 42 that mentions in verses 2 and 3

As the deer longs for streams of water,
so my soul longs for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, the living God.

This made me think of Psalm 63 that a favorite Steve Angrisano song is based on which also talks about thirst and the Lord.  

I have always struggled with this phrase.  What does it mean to "thirst" for the Lord?  Do I have to want to follow God with all my heart, all my mind, and all my soul 24/7?  Do I have to be super evangelical?  Do I have to always "put on the mind of God" (referring to a discussion earlier this week about the meaning of prayer)?  Do I have to be charismatic?

After this week spent really thinking about prayer styles (particularly the Augustinian style that characterizes my approach so well), I don't think so.  I think what I need is just to continue to do what I am doing.  To want, to long, to year to spend a little time each day looking for answers as to how the Word of God through the Bible relates to me today.  It is the seeking.  It is the yearning.  Thirsting for answers in my relationship with God and my fellow humans.  Thirsting for insight.  Seeking (and sometimes finding) ways to express my fellowship with others and following of the Lord through actions, words, song, and symbols.  That is my version of thirsting for God.  

Am I perfect?  No, of course not?  But it has given me a new perspective on how to live up to the songs I sing at church some Sunday.  

A Little Franciscan Prayer--And Plans for The First Day of Class

Today, I am taking a much needed day of rest from exercise.  The past six days included a tempo run at the Y on the treadmill, the rowing machine, a 6.6 mile run in ridiculous humidity with some big hills, a 10 mile run on a cooler morning at a faster pace, biking, and a tempo run on the streets of Baltimore that was nearly as fast (on average) as the tempo run on the treadmill.  Life is good, but my legs need a rest.  

Resting my legs gave me a chance to take my dog for a longer walk than usual and for trying a Franciscan prayer approach.  The other day I mentioned that we had learned about four types of prayer and that one of them was Augustinian.  My "default" type of prayer.  Lots of thinking.  Lots of pondering.  Transpose the Words of God into life today.  Helped along by images, music, etc.  Highly symbolic prayer.

So, today, when I took my dog for a slightly extra long walk, I tried Franciscan prayer.  In one description it goes along with the SP personality type.  This is not "diametrically" opposite of mine (that would be ST) but it is much different.  It is described as "The SP personality type does not respond well to the symbolic but is primarily interested in the real and literal."  This is a stretch for me.  It means looking at nature.  Looking at the here and now.  Not focusing on symbols and what could be.  It focuses on action rather than process.

So, as I walked the neighborhood I just looked around. And I thought of all the things that I saw that I could be thankful for.  I was thankful for uphills for making me stronger when I run.  I was thankful for downhills that make the going easier.  I was thankful for the red of the stop sign that is associated with safety when everyone follows the rules.  I was thankful for the yellow of several signs for the beauty of yellow--particularly forsythia yellow--that is my favorite color.  There were sunflowers.  I thought of dandelions.  I was thankful for the grass.  Soft to run on.  Soft to walk on.  Soft to lie down on after a hard run.  And the color green for being the symbol of forward motion.  I was thankful for the moon--it's beauty and it's light.  I was thankful for the stars and planets--the light and the patterns that move across the sky in ways that make humans imagine and think.  The list went on. This is a common approach in Franciscan prayer life, apparently.  Free flowing and made up as you go along prayer.

You can even see that within my efforts to think in a Franciscan way I was still a little Augustinian.  Several of the reasons I was thankful for real things I was seeing had to do with the symbolic meanings that were attached.  I can't escape being an Augustinian at heart.  But that is not a problem as long as I recognize the value of other types of prayer for me to try and for my students that may be the most appropriate.  

While not every third grader will be an SP personality type, third graders are into literal and concrete things.  The first lesson in the text book that I will be using this year is about creation.  There could not be a better way to try Franciscan prayer with my students.  If the weather holds old (rain is predicted for Sunday) we may go outside on the first day and look around.  I will have the kids walk with me and take turns noticing things that they notice, thanking God for them, and thinking of the reason that we would thank God.  I might even try to get the kids to think a little about how we could write a creation story today if God had created the world as we see it now.  It could be really fun to get the kids to think about how they would divide up the days.  And what they would say is good. And how they would tie it together.  I suppose that is again a little Augustinian twist on a very Franciscan approach, but it should be fun.

Finally, on a side note, I have thought about my recent running and the Augustinian versus Franciscan prayer life.  For my next race, I think I'll try to go a little more Franciscan during the race.  I want to try to concentrate only on the here and now of the race.  Not thinking about the end of the race when I start.  Not thinking about my next race.  Not thinking about the bigger picture of all my running in the past six and a half years or over my lifetime.  Instead, just focusing on the here and now.  How does my body feel?  How can I remain under control?  What will make me run the next step at least as face as the one I am in the process of running?  A very concrete here and now approach to running.  Never a dull moment in how my prayer life and running life are related.     

What is prayer?--Or Another Thing I Learned at the Start of Another Year of Religious Education

On Sunday morning, after we discussed personality types, the next item was the definition of prayer.  Among the six tables of people entrusted to teach mostly children and some adults about our faith, we could come up with things like "talking to God" or "talking with God" or "a conversation with God" or "listening to/for God".  While all those were interesting, the director of child and youth ministry at our church wanted something a bit bigger.  Below is something close to what she said.  I could not tell whether this was three separate ideas or a single quotation she took from someone else.  But this is what I came away with

The practice of the presence of God...to change my own mind to put on the mind of Christ...enabling grace to break into us.  

There are three distinct ideas here.  The first is something quite important.  It is not just "practicing" but "a practice" (or in this case, "the practice").  The key here is that we are focused on remembering that I am in the presence of God.  Recognizing that I am in the presence of God.  Acting like I am in the presence of God.  Using the presence of God as a motivator.

The second idea mentions the mind of Christ.  There is a mention of the mind of Christ in 1 Cor 2:16.    It certainly seems to me that it would be much easier to "put on the mind of Christ" or "have the mind of Christ" or "know what the mind of Christ is thinking" (e.g., "What would Jesus do?") if I am in the practice of being in the presence of God.  Or, better yet, to be the presence of God for someone else, i.e., God's hands and feet, eyes and ears here on earth.

The third idea is that it should involve grace.

The key with these ideas is that almost anything can become a prayer.  Prayer can be loud or silent.  Prayer can be speaking, reading, or listening.  Prayer can involve meditation or activity.  Almost anything that involves God's grace, remembering that I am in God's presence, and thinking about acting as Jesus would can be a prayer.

So a life of prayer or a life lived in prayer, does not mean being in a church praying all day.  Instead, it can mean doing all the things I would do otherwise but always with an eye on God's grace.  There are some things I imagine that definitely don't show God's grace.  The goal then, for me, can be to live a life always showing God's grace and living out the implications the words I pray aloud and listen to in church.  

What I Learned on Cathecist "In-Service" Day

I've taught Sunday school for 9 of the past ten years and in the year I took off, I helped with the program at our church.  Does that make me a saint?  No.  Does that make me crazy?  I'm sure some people would think so to deal with 9 and 10 year olds for that long.  Does it fulfill a need in my life?  You bet.  It fulfills my need to continue to think about and engage with my religion.  It then gives me the gift of sharing that experience with others.

I could say a lot of things about yesterday's "in-service".  It was definitely one of the BEST in all 11 years that I've been a part of at least one in-service.  We talked about a definition of prayer (sure to be a subject of a future blog), heard about different ways of reaching kids through prayer, talked about personality types, and talked about different types of prayer.

The last time I took an official Myers-Briggs personality test I came up INFJ.  I'm never quite sure whether the N and F are typical parts of quantitative individuals lives, but I've also never seen data on that.  Yesterday as we simply read descriptions, I am pretty sure that if I tested now I'd be an I/E, i.e., somewhere much closer to the middle but still leaning I, and I'd be P rather than J.  I will go into detail on that in another blog entry as well.

The most interesting thing to me from an intellectual and spiritual point of view, however, was the four prayer styles.  I had never heard of them before--that I recall.  This morning I will discuss the one that I find most suitable for me and where I go most of the time.  It is called Augustinian spirituality.  As I read over the description my jaw almost dropped.  Not over the fact that it is found (in some survey(?), although the leader didn't identify where the data came from) that this temperament is found in only 10% of church ministers and a higher percentage among the clergy.  Not sure what that is telling me other than that I am not part of the big crowd.

But here is the rest, "Needs: to find meaning in everything; uses intuition and feeling to make connection of Bible to present; sees spiritual task of transposing ancient words and ideas into the present context today..."  Then as an example, "When have there been desert experiences in my life?  Combine intellectual and affective elements, but may make leaps other types cannot follow."  (And I must say that on that last point it does not imply that my leaps are right..."  Finally, "Helps: In meditative ste ask, What did the text mean then?  What does the text mean now?  DIALOG inwardly and using a journal."

It was the under the example and helps that my jaw nearly dropped.  Why do I like Fr. Sam and before him Fr. Hank--each one will often give some historical context--not just talkt about the verses but really put it in context.  What do they also do?  Bring it to our lives today.

What do I do? I spend time writing a blog (a journal I share with others) where I think a lot about the words now.  I don't always have the full historical context to think about the words then, but I definitely do a LOT of transposing.  It is what I thrive on.  As far as my spiritual life goes, it is what I live and breathe.

My blog is my Augustinian spirituality brought to life.  I'm not sure what else to do with that information.  but it truly puts my blog in a context I had not even known existed before.  And it makes me feel like there is more meaning here for me--not just in the words I consider but in the words I write and how they can help me grow over time--than I may have realized.

Further, even the last sentence form the website I linked to above is very fitting for me, "Ikons, statues, and other representations of art which express beautifully and symbolically a good relationship with God will also help the iNtuitive-Feeling personality in prayer.". This suggests to me that my tattoo really is a part of my Augustinian spirituality as well. There is something I never thought I'd be writing.

So many lessons learned. So many more out there.