"Drawing Warmth Out of the Cold"--Dar Williams

On the last day before I begin my Advent blogging in earnest, I will reflect on lights and warmth and the spirit that binds people together at this time of year.  Over the past several years, at this time of year, I have reflected on a song that I believe I first heard on WTMD—the Towson University radio station.  It is a song by Dar Williams called The Christians and the Pagans.  The song is a nice example of story telling about things that have the potential to draw us together even when they also have the potential (sometimes just as strong) to pull us apart.  The basic plot of the story that is told is that a woman and what I presume to be her partner from the way the story is told were celebrating solstice near the home of one woman’s uncle.  They call the uncle looking for a place to stay.  As the story unfolds the pagan traditions of celebrating solstice are shown to be not so different in spirit from the Christian traditions around the holidays.  And the feeling of love and family that comes from this gathering of individuals is projected onto other family relations.

I am someone who just likes to see people get along (although I won’t quote Rodney King here).  I am someone with the conviction of my personal beliefs; however, I am usually unwilling and uninterested in imposing on others.  I like to think that when all is said and done most of what different cultures and religions believe is not interchangeable by any means but comes from a common sense of humanity that can be shared rather than driving divisions between us.  So, the song speaks to me.

At this season of the year, this type of theme makes me think of the Festival of Lights at the Waldorf School of Baltimore.  The festival does not celebrate pagan traditions—except to the degree that a basic human motivation is to enjoy light in what is otherwise a time of darkness as the shortest day of the year approaches.  The Festival does not celebrate the pagan traditions directly but celebrates Chanukah, Advent, and Kwanzaa.  All of those festivals involve bringing light.  All the festivals focus (as in the song by Dar Williams) on making sense of history. The common theme is clear.  The music that comes with each of them is generally music of joy and rejoicing that there is hope where there might otherwise be despair. 

The song by Dar Williams ends with the phrase “drawing warmth out of the cold.”  This goes along with hope when there might otherwise be despair, and this line has so many meanings as I read it in the lyrics online and listen to the song.

First, it could mean the warmth of being in the light. Warmth in this case being a feeling of protection.  Being able to find my way when I am lost.  A sense of security. 

Second, following on the first, it follows that light comes from fire on the candles.  Fire on the candles is a small version of the fire that keeps me warm.  Fire can be a bon fire.  Fire can be in a fireplace.  Fire can even be natural gas being burned in a heater to make me warm at home. 

Third, it could mean the warm feelings that come from being part of a family or community that celebrates the Advent or Chanukah tradition (or even a pagan tradition) together.  The feeling of being part of a group.  The feeling of being surrounded by those who share the tradition.  Who share the values.

Fourth, it can be running at this time of year.  I know this is on a non-religious tangent.  But, running at sunrise in December is certainly a situation in which I am surrounded by people whose values I share (when it comes to running) and in the cold seeking warmth.  The celebration is of nature even when it is cold.  On the NCR trail, even with the temperature being just at 20F, the stream was running with the sound of the water running over the rocks being just audible.  The annual trees are bare and seeing the light of the sun rise and shine through the trees is beautiful.  The animals are out early in the morning and a runner or group of runners can see squirrel, rabbits, deer, and others.  Quiet on the trail brings its own beauty.  The warmth also comes from the sharing of values, the seeking of excellence, the attainment of goals—the number of miles, the speed, etc.  Just doing.  Most of the celebration described here may be linked to what some consider to be “God-given” talents or gifts from God including fitness, health, and speed.  But the celebrations of nature, silence, the noises of nature, trees, etc., could be just as much pagan celebrations and reasons for a spiritual warmth as Christian tradition or any other religion.

Fifth, drawing warmth out of the cold can reflect what happens when we bake and share the still warm baked goods.  The oven warms the home.  The food warms the body.  The sharing of food (specific to Chanukah like latkes) or otherwise, warms the soul.

Sixth, it could mean coming together over wine or anything else in this time of cold and dark.  Just coming together with a common bond wanting to enjoy and share. 

I’m sure if I spent the time, I could think of other things that drawing warmth out of the cold represents at this time of year.  In some cases a physical warmth.  In some cases a spiritual warmth.  In all cases, things that make people feel safe and secure and bind them together into a whole that is greater than the sum of the parts—no matter what the world view, motivation, or tradition that results in being bound together. 

Abundance

When I talked about all that I am grateful for  yesterday, I realize that I am grateful for an abundance of things.  And, as importantly, the things for which I am grateful I tend to have an abundance of.

My life is characterized by a great deal of abundance.

This, of course, is not a bad thing. 

In fact, abundance, is a pretty good thing to have a lot of.

Except when it is ideas and I am not a person who stays completely focused all the time.  In fact, my graduate school advisor warned me as I was preparing to leave Michigan that the only problem I would have is having too many ideas.  

Well, I never worked in a single research area for a very long time.

I have lots of different ideas about what might make the programs at the business school work better.  Although that over-abundance of ideas is tamed in a different way than having too many research ideas is tamed since I have a boss who asks for reports on progress on a regular basis.

I love lots of foods.  And I love to eat lots of it.  And I have the blessing of having access to a lot, a lot of the time.

I have lots of friends.  I have a smaller number of close friends.  Having both an abundance of friends and close friends with an abundance of caring is an incredible blessing.

My kids take part in an abundance of activities.

I run an abundance of miles.  

I have had an abundance of fun and celebrated an abundance of positive experiences with Sherry over the years.

There is an abundance of places to run nearby--nature and otherwise.

One thing that I don't feel there is an abundance of is time--although the fact that I can carve out time to write suggests that there is plenty of time as long as I structure it right.

Another thing that I don't always feel I have an abundance of is silence.  But I do find time to think.  Sometimes driving--not exactly silent.  Sometimes running--near silent, sometimes just the rhythmic tapping of feet.

I sometimes feel like I could use a greater abundance of naps--or sleep in general.  Then, I wouldn't doze during the day.

And I don't have an abundance of tattoos.  Just one large one--I suppose it covers an abundant area of my skin

But as I think about the symbols and the stories that mean a lot to me moving forward, I would have to say that stories of abundance.  Having abundance.  Experiencing abundance.  Enjoying abundance.  Sharing abundance.  And not worrying about the things that are not abundant any more than absolutely necessary.   Those are the stories that I hold close to my heart. Those are the stories I want to share.  Those are the types of stories that I hope to help others to make come true for themselves.  

And that is why if I ever get another tattoo the cornucopia will be a central feature of the tattoo.     

Thanks--30 Days in 1

Many of my friends have been participating in 30 Days of Gratitude in the month in which the United States celebrates Thanksgiving.  I decided not to at the beginning of the month as I was not sure that I could maintain participation.  However, with a little bit of extra time on this Thanksgiving day, I figured I would put in all 30 days at once.  So that this entry does not go on forever, I will write just a few sentences about each thing I am thankful for.  

1-Sherry...from some "chance" meetings in the dining hall in East Halls when she ate dinner at a crazy early time because she was working some evenings and I ate dinner at a crazy early time because I was just hungry to 21 years, 5 months, and now 8 days of marriage, I have an enormous amount to be thankful for.

2-Chance meetings...chance meetings back in college were not always as random and chance as they may have appeared, but chance meetings in general are fun.  And when they happen with family and good friends, they bring a smile to my face that is worth an enormous amount.

3-Randomness...chance meetings are just one reflection of randomness in life.  Serendipity.  Things happen by chance in a way that turns out to lead to wonderful new opportunities and insights into life.  Sometimes the randomness can be a curse, but more often than not in my life it has been a blessing.

4-Friends...one way to keep a marriage going is to live in a community of good friends who listen, who are willing to be straight with me when things are not going well, who share their burdens with me, who share my goal of a lasting marriage for me, and with whom I can laugh.  Of course, all these things need to go for me and Sherry as well, but having close friends you can turn to for advice is a great way to help to keep things going.

5-Serenity prayer...this is another aspect of keeping a good marriage going.  To realize that there are some things that cannot change.  To truly have the courage to change the things I can.  And to have (and pray to God for) the wisdom to know which is which.

6-My sons...having mentioned my thanks for Sherry and the community of close adult friends, I have to reflect on the fact that Sherry and I have raised three pretty incredible boys.  We'll never know what would have become of the two other pregnancies but the lives we were lucky enough to bring here to live independently on Earth have turned into pretty amazing people.

7-Extended family...this completes the circuit on family.  I have so many incredible people in my family doing interesting things in interesting places, and yet much of the family is still in the same area where I grew up making it relatively easy to get together when we can all find the time.

8-Time...mentioned at the end of #7 and something that is incredibly precious because so many people seem so pressed for it.  I am thankful that I have the time to think about the deeper meaning of things in life (even if Sherry and others sometimes wish I would focus on more basic things.)

9-Long conversations...so many of life's finer points just take time to sort through.  Long conversations with one other person or with a group who can focus and give their full attention to an issue are always gifts.

10-Naps...another thing that time can be used for is naps.  Recuperative.  Regenerative.  Resting.  Just time to let the body heal or catch up.  Naps are a very good thing.

11-Races...one thing that time can be used to measure is performance in races. I love races as they let me measure progress, performance, and my sense of value.  Of course, not all value is in my races.  There is value in my being a good husband, father, friend, family member, coworker, and manager.  And while time is not the only measure or even the most important measure for all the things from which I draw value, it is a sign of trying to measure up in all things in life. 

12-Sports...races are just one of many sports.  Sports are a key activity for one of my sons.  And a second has certainly tried his share.  They are such a nice way to learn so many of life's lessons about striving, focus, and accomplishment.

13-Teamwork...from sports I go to teamwork.  My sons who are either only a little into sports or not at all certainly have their share of teamwork activities (singing in choir and playing in orchestras or other music-based groups).  I have been lucky enough to be a part of many teams, too.

14-Music...I mentioned two sons' interests in music.  The third is interested as well, and it has been something that has brought my immediate family together (and extended family and friends together) in many ways over time.  My own musical ambitions and interests have always been sidetracked as it has never been the most important thing for me, but I do love to listen and play the best I can when I can.

15-Jazz...is a particular type of music that I enjoy listening too in person when played well.  I particularly enjoy one aspect of jazz--improvisation.  So much of life is about making things up as I go along no matter how much I might want to lead a planned life.  Just taking it all in has worked wonders for me.

16-Storytelling...some of this is reading to others, which I have done for all three boys and found it extremely rewarding.  Some of this is why music is so interesting as it can be used to tell a story either with or without lyrics.  And some of this is what makes my work life go--telling stories as illustrative anecdotes or telling stories to sell ideas.  All of it involves sharing ideas

17-Tattoos...to me, these are a form of storytelling.  One that I can work with an artist to express in a picture. And a story so precious to me that I want to take it with me forever.

18-The NCR trail...while I have mentioned running and randomness, this ties together running with good friends and long conversations and just wanting a sense of certainty about something in life rather than randomness.  I have joked with fellow runners that for very long races on the trail the best and worst thing about the trail is that you pretty much always know what is coming.  Very little (but some) slope.  Rather straight.  A place to go when I want to run but not think about running and just lose myself in thought.

19-The Y...while I am not always a fan of the treadmill, to have a place I can go to exercise when the weather is inclement, or a place I can go for non-running exercise, where I can bring the family, and where I feel like the person at the front desk knows me and cares about why I come is a pretty nice thing to have.

20-St. Pius X...I grew up in a parish where my main exposure was going to mass each week and to CCD.  I know my dad participated in the archdiocesan appeal and we had baseball sign-up there.  I didn't feel involved at any deeper level.  For 17+ years now, St. Pius has provided me and Sherry and our sons with a place to become involved in so many interesting ways to meet so many interesting people.

21-Bread...something I love to bake.  Kneading is therapeutic.  Fruit and vegetable breads have a wonderful flavor.  Biscuits are wonderful for working the butter or shortening in. And bread something that I would love to have represented in a second tattoo if I ever get one.

22-Wine...this goes back to family and friends and long conversations and bread.  Good food and good beverages do so much to enrich the ambiance and promote good conversation.

23-Cold...goes back to my running and should be clarified as cold but not too cold.  A moderately cold day with a clear blue sky at sunrise (perhaps over Druid Hill lake) is a great experience for running.  It helps to clear the mind as I don't have to worry about dehydration so much.

24-Teaching...goes along with storytelling.  But teaching has become more than just a career for me.  It has been something that I think about in terms of how to do it well in my leadership position.  It has become something that I focus an incredible amount of my energy on.  It even extends to St. Pius X as I have taught Sunday school for a decade.

25-Internet...it has brought me together with some very interesting people and made it so easy to get answers to questions to satisfy my curiosity that goes along with the storytelling and teaching.

26-Books...I love to read about ideas that people have found a way to string together in an extended format and to really explore ideas.  In addition to long conversations and telling stories of my own it is great to read what other people have thought and the ideas and themes they have explored.

27-Back on My Feet...while there are many aspects of running and I don't get to run with Back on My Feet as often as I would like any more, the number of stories and long conversations that came out of my participation in this organization is amazing.  Both resident and community members alike have amazing stories to tell.  And both symbolize hope.

28-Home...our house is not as big as we'd like.  Our house is not as neat as we'd like.  And our house has more issues than we'd like.  But it is the place we call home.  It is the place we come together to talk, to eat, to cook, to work, and to share.  And it is ours.  And it is home.  For me it is the home I have lived in longer than any other.  The only other place I really thought of as home was where I lived from 5th grade until I graduated from high school.  This home in Baltimore is the only home my boys have ever known.

29-Nature...to be out in it is just amazing.  And for me any question of whether there is a God was answered by seeing some of the sights of natural beauty.  While it is just a matter of faith my mind could not wrap itself around the idea that some of the natural wonders of the world arose completely at random.  Of course, other parts of nature may make me question the judgment of whatever God there may be, but nature is amazing.

30-Silence...this goes along with time, the NCR trail, running, St. Pius X, and many other items on my list.  Sometimes silence is all I need.  Silence to think. Silence to test how comfortable two people or a group are.  Silence just to experience the world as it is.  To watch.  To observe.  To take it in.  And to use what I learn in the silence to become better.

Reading through, I find that even my gratitudes are woven together to connect dots and tell a story.  I can't escape the desire to see things in a way that brings them together and closes a loop in my mind.  And those who read the whole thing will have a pretty good idea of what makes me tick.