Overlapping Lessons for Me and My Nine Year Old Son

Today was another “last” before the Philadelphia Marathon.  The last run planned as a progression run.  7 miles.  Started at 8:00 and worked my way down to 6:30.  Did it on the treadmill.  Felt easy enough that I decided to challenge myself a little more than normal at the end.  So, instead of just running the 7 miles with the pace getting faster by 15 seconds each mile, I did that and I made sure to increase the incline each quarter mile during the last mile.  With just an easy 4 on Monday and two 7-mile quality workouts, my legs are more than ready to go.  It has been wonderful to have a feeling of complete confidence in a workout like this.  Of course, I did not go outside to run—I didn’t like the cold this morning and the person I was supposed to run with had a good reason for backing out—but the treadmill work was just plain solid.  Leaves me with 10 days until the race.  Now at 1948.5 miles, with 6 more workouts to go before the marathon.  Getting ever closer.  Still pondering what I will do with my running after this.  Still don’t have an answer.  But maybe I don’t need one.  And I don’t need the pressure of figuring one out at this moment.

So, what else was interesting since the last entry? 

Three things.  First, I had an interesting discussion with a colleague about seeing the dots and not only connecting the dots, but realizing that there is something wlaw in the space between the dots.  I liked his vision of realizing that there is something else there.  I had never expressed it that way before.  It is sort of like not only seeing the stars in a constellation but also drawing in the entire “figure” around the constellation as illustrations of Orion and Capricorn or Ursa Major and Ursa Minor would show.  Or in a coloring book with connecting the dot activities to connect the dots and then color in the figure and add to the figure.  To not just make the connections but to innovate from them and to build upon them.

Second, I finally had an opportunity for my direct supervisor to find out about my tattoo.  More than one and one-half years of working under his supervision and finally a reason for him to find out—although most other people within the school know.  Having traveled to San Antonio (as I mentioned earlier this week), when I had my first one-on-one meeting with the Dean after I returned, he observed “no cowboy boots?”  I said, “No, not me.”  Then he ran down other things that he apparently associates with Texas including asking “No tattoos?”  I had not paused before any others, but I did pause before that one.  The pause startled the Dean, so he looked without asking, “Right?”  And I told him that I didn’t need to because I already had one.  He was taken by surprise but didn’t feel the need to ask why.  He assumed it would have been at an earlier age.  Of course, in reality it was finished just before I was offered the job. 

Third, my nine year old is worrying about things that he really doesn’t need to worry about as a nine year old.  Yesterday, he drew a wonderful picture of a dragon for a nine-year old.  He asked, “What should I do?  I like engineering [a reference to his joining a 4-H Robotics club], music [he takes both bass violin and guitar lessons and plays recorder well], and art [his drawings].”  He wondered how he would make a choice about college.  I realized that having an older brother already in college and a second in ninth grade who is thinking ahead about college, he has the idea that he will someday need to make a choice.  I simply assured him that it would be a long time before he would have to make a decision.  He definitely should not be required to think about such issues now.  That is a lot of stress for 18 year olds when they are making the choice.  It is a silly stress for a nine-year old who is eight years from the choice. 

But then I think back to what I wrote about the pressures of what to do after the marathon.  And even more importantly I think about the unnecessary pressures I put on myself for the marathon.  Does it really matter whether I run a sub-3:10 in the Philadelphia Marathon?  No.  Some day when I pass no one will say, “He failed to run a sub-3:10 marathon.”  And no one will say, “His life was so amazing because he did.”  Yes, it is a goal.  Yes, I have spent a long time preparing.  Yes, I would be elated to meet the goal and disappointed to fail.  But even in failure there would be life lessons.  So, the more I just let go of the stress, put my heart in the run, and do it, the better off I will be.  And in all likelihood, the higher the chance that all the effort will work to achieve the goal—rather than trying and failing.  Allowing things to “just happen” can make them much easier.

A lesson for me.

Connecting the dots forward in time, a lesson for my son some day. 

If you would like to hear my interpretation of this with some new introduction and conclusion music, please click here.  

More Thoughts About Choices

Yesterday, I was thinking about the fact that not all of the kids in my Sunday school class could give even a basic idea of what they might want to do when they grew up.  I talked with Sherry about this at home last night.  She pointed out that we didn't necessarily have much of an idea of what we wanted to do at that age.  I agreed, although I remember kids at least giving a set of answers like "doctor, police officer, fireman" or any of a number of other "typical" professions when we were kids.  Sherry also pointed out that many kids really don't know what their kids do.  Some kids might even have a difficult time talking about where their parents work.  While I have a hard time understanding that, I know that Sherry is right.  Even for me--I could tell where my dad worked, but it would have been a challenge to tell what he did at some points in his career--other than that I knew it had to do with working with veterans and helping them.  My mom's jobs were easier to describe--bank teller, bookkeeper, teacher.  
  
I also got some feedback from a friend I know through running who teaches high school students.  She, like Sherry, pointed out that we really didn't have a good idea of what we wanted to be.  She reminded me of the rate of people changing majors.  Even in my own experience I originally thought I wanted to be a doctor, then I decided to major in chemistry when I went to college, then I switched to health policy and administration.  Then economics.  Then the years in a school of public health as a successful faculty member followed by the move to a business school in an administrative position.

The even more interesting thing my friend pointed out was that so many people who have the opportunity to teach children have a tendency to say that it is someone else's responsibility to teach specific things.  So, whose responsibility is it to teach the kids about career choices?  A sunday school teacher's?  Maybe in some ways.  In a Sunday school setting, it can be structured as a discussion of a vocation or a calling.  It can also be structured as a discussion about the things mentioned in Matthew 25:34-36 (the hungry, thirsty, naked, ill, strangers, and prisoners).  How do we move through our lives trying to help those in these six groups or those with other needs?  How do we grow from being needy to helping the need in little ways, to making it part of our identity.  How does our faith guide us in this?  And what example can I set?

It is interesting to me to think about how I have helped groups with these six types of needs and how I can continue to do so.

Today, I pondered while running just 4 easy miles.  That puts me at 76 miles total.  Still on PA 16.  Now between the Calvary Bible Church and the Church of God between Greencastle and Mercersberg.  And even more interesting, I have finally gotten something back from the archivist in the Diocese of Las Cruces, New Mexico.  I'll talk about that later.  

Thoughts on Choices--Part 3 of 3

The first two parts of my thoughts on choices this week related to my reflections on Robert Frost poems  that could help me consider the choices I have made and will have to continue to make.  The third part s a brief thought on something that Father Sam said at mass on Sunday.  He was once again pointing to the new Pope's actions. He pointed out that the new Pope is apparently not into titles and simply prefers to be referred to as the Bishop of Rome.  He has done many things to demonstrate his interest in the community. He has reached out to the most vulnerable.  And he has called on the church to build community.  

The Bishop of Rome's call to build community within the church and for the church to reach out to the surrounding community in ways that it has not for quite some time is different in many ways from my efforts to build community within the place where I work, and yet there are still similarities.  Within the context of the job I hold, the students are effectively the weakest and most vulnerable.  And my focus is on building a community that will support them.  And as long as I keep my eyes on that, that should guide me to hopeful and helpful actions. 

Thoughts on Choices--Part 2 of 3

So, yesterday I talked about The Road Not Taken. Of all of Frost's poems that and Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening are probably the two that everyone knows.  There are many others.  One that I memorized in either eighth or ninth grade and that has stuck with me ever since is Mending Wall (http://writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/frost-mending.html).  It is about a wall that does not need to exist and how the narrator asks his neighbor why they need the wall and the neighbor just repeats the mantra "good fences make good neighbors."  But the poem begins "Something there is that doesn't love a wall."  And in the end it is about the tension between that something and the mantra of someone wanting to construct walls whether they are needed or not.  Walls create barriers.  Barriers are sometimes useful.  But I like to cross barriers.  I like to tear down barriers.  One of my colleagues is clearly a "wall person".  Let's draw boundaries. This is for you to worry about over here and this is for me to worry about over there.  Do we need clear ideas of who is responsible for what?  Of course we do.  But I like to look beyond and seek to knock down the walls, take away the barriers, and work together for good on both sides of the wall.  Perhaps we need a little of each.  And there have been times in my life when I definitely was more of a "wall person".  But at this point I clearly identify with the something that doesn't love a wall.  And it drives many of the choices I make about what drives me, what drives my career, what drives my communication, and how I want to interact with others in my career.  

Choices

A Haiku about Choices

Those around me find

Some of the choices I make

Challenging to get

Why do I write this haiku?  First of all, I find haiku to be a useful poetry format.  No need for a rhyme but the ideas have to be put in a very concise format.  And I can play with some interesting ideas and ways to express things that may have multiple meanings.  This is not one of multiple meanings.  This is one that relates to the fact people have found some of my choices challenging.  Not that they disagree with them.  Just that they find them hard to understand.  Running a marathon.  Getting a tattoo.  The job change.  Going outside my confort zone on many things in my early 40's.  Why not just keep doing what I've been doing and know well?  And how does all of this help me.  It does not lead to much disagreement.  Just lots of interesting conversation.  With many people in many roles in many different contexts in life.