Some Days Everything Just Goes Right..And Other Days...

Yesterday, was a day for my running when everything did not go right.  I would not go so far as to say that everything went wrong, but it was not one of my better runs.  As I commented yesterday, I got everything from comments about looking miserable to friends telling me they know I would be back.  And I am realizing that with enough running days over enough running years, there are going to be some days that just don't turn out the way I expect them to.

That was yesterday.
And today life goes on.
You won't find me in yesterday's world
Now yesterday's gone.  [To quote Foreigner.]

Yes, I came back one day later with a running friend whose side I have run by for four years.  Someone with whom I have had really good days.  And someone who has seen me struggle on multiple occasions.  Someone I have seen at her best in running.  And someone whom I have seen struggle.  Not usually so much on our runs--but from sitting out for weeks or months at a time after injury or from her missed race last fall.

We have both had great days.

We have both had struggles.

And we have each had to deal with the reality of how hard training does or does not fit into our lives.

With that said, she told me even yesterday morning not long after my race that she was sure I'd get my pace back.  I told her I was not sure if I could hold anything close to our usual training pace today.  She told me just relax.

So, we met at the Safeway on Boston Street in Canton, and headed out for our run.  Five miles over to Fort McHenry staying mostly on the roads on the north side of the Harbor and then 6.4 miles on the return by hugging each peer as much as possible.

We ran the first three miles above 8:00/mile including the first mile at a very easy 8:50.

But then we settled in.  We ran 7 miles in a row under 8:00.  The 11th mile was just over 8:00 and I think that was only because we missed a turn away from the peer and had to get over a 4 foot wall at one point--never a dull moment for us.

The temperature was in the 60's.  We started just after sunrise and there were long shadows from the tall buildings on the north side of the harbor that gave us shade for much of the way.  There was an ever so slight breeze coming off the water that was not so hard that we had to fight it but that was just enough to cool us off.

It was a close to a perfect morning as you could get without being about 10 degrees cooler.

And running with someone with whom I have developed a comfortable pace of around 8:00/mile--sometimes a little faster and sometimes a little slower--after four years of running stride for stride made it easy as well.  It was just a matter of going out and doing what I know, what I have learned to do, and what I enjoy doing

Plus, my friend who had listened to me struggle two weeks ago at my last run that long, told me I just sounded much better.

So, it was all good.  And some days are like that.  Those are the easy days.

The key is to remember on the days that are not so good that there are better days ahead.   

A Message from a Bird

Yesterday, when I was waiting for Joshua to be done his day of volunteering at the zoo, I was sitting in my car reading a news magazine and I had what I thought of as an odd experience.  A small bird looking very bewildered flew in through my car window and landed on the dashboard up against the windshield.  I was at least as surprised as the bird was.  I opened all the windows and stepped out of the car.  The bird managed to get across the dashboard and out the front passenger window.

When I posted this on social media, one aunt pointed out that it is a gift to be visited by another member of God's creation.  And one of my dear long distance running friends (she runs ultra-marathons while I stick with nothing longer than a marathon) and fellow blogger said it was a sign or message.  I had to ponder what that message would be.

I think after today's 5K race, I have an idea of what the message might be.  The day was a picture perfect morning for a 5K at 7:30 AM.  Although as I and several people I spoke with afterward noted, for runners who arrived early to register on the day of the race, arrival at sunrise when it was still cool could easily mask the fact that on Key Highway with the sun shining down, even if the air temperature is only in the 60's, it is hot to run.  

The race, I ran in an official time of just under 20:55.  Not bad for a 45 year old, by all means.  But it was one of my slowest in a long, long time.  In fact, last year after having the GI week from hell before Father's Day and running longer than I should have when looking for a good time on the day before the race, I ran about the same time on a much hillier course.  So, something is up with me.  In fact, one of my running buddies said he had never seen look so miserable during a run before.  

So, how does this story relate back to the message from the bird?  The bird did not just sit on the dashboard helpless.  He found a way to get himself going again.  He found a way to set himself right again.  And he flew on.

So, after nine years of running off and on and 5 years of running almost constantly and four years of almost always improving times, I am at a spot at which it is clear that I have to choose carefully how much to run.  Life is ever more full of other things.  

I have to choose carefully what workouts to do.  I have been mostly accompanying friends at paces and distances of their choosing while being along for the ride rather than having a plan for myself.

Have I enjoyed that type of running--making it up as I go and just being there as a presence for others?  You bet.  But it doesn't help me race.  And if I want racing for my own times to be part of my continued running experience, then I need to be like the bird.  Get myself going again.  Right myself.  And focus on running ahead.

The biggest question is what role I want racing to play.  I have been quite happy with accompanying others.  I have told one person that the Marine Corps Marathon is still on my bucket list and if she would like to try a second time, I'd be interested in running with her.  I've told another runner that if she just wants company for a race, I'd be happy to do that at least once.  I have a "running debt" to pay forward from someone who helped me to achieve a wonderful time last year.  And I just love helping others achieve anyway.  

Those are fine reasons to run.  But it is not like saying, "I'm going back to Boston because I can and I'm hoping to run harder this time."  That would be my own goal.  And for that, I really would need to follow what the little bird did.

We shall see.

There are lessons in life to be learned at every turn.  A little hiccup in life didn't stop the bird.  One bad race and a couple of less than perfect weeks of training should not stop me.   

As I recently saw Michael Jordan pointing out in a video--he missed lots of shots.  He even missed chances to win games.  But that was on the way to making lots of spectacular shots and game winning ones.  Less than perfect races happen once I run enough races.  Now, it's time to see what I can do if I keep on pushing even though I know every one can't possibly be my best.  I told a friend how great it was that she could do that. Now, I have to prove that I can do it myself.  

Two Reasons to Pause

This week I have had to reasons just to stop.

The first stopped me.  After two weeks that included two three day trips--to Tampa and Denver--being away during the unrest in Baltimore city, coming home to give nights of curfew, running as many miles in four days as I normally run in seven for two weeks in a row my body just said, "STOP".  Loudly and clearly.  I made it through a nearly 12 mile run on Sunday morning, but the miles got slower and slower.  My running partner had every right just to go ahead. But like a good friend, she would not leave me behind.  She encouraged me to finish.  I should have slowed my day down there.  But I still made a mother's day dinner for Sherry (as I had planned to), went for massages with Sherry, and then served dinner, and went to mass.  It was when we got home from mass that I just collapsed.  Slept for 10 hours.  And then tried to go to work on Monday.  I had not recovered.  I stayed at work for 2 1/2 hours and didn't make it past that.  My body reminded me that ever after putting it through 2200 miles last year and while only planning to put it through 1500 thsi year, I still cannot mistreat it.  There are limits I must respect.  And I was not respecting them.  So, my body made me pause.  That gave me some time to think about how to balance all I want to get done--which is and will always continue to be A LOT--and the need to just pause.  Pause to reset my mental health.  Pause to reset my physical health.  Pause because it is the necessary thing to do.  And if I do not give my body at least an opportunity to stop and sit and veg-out and just watch TV or get some extra rest every once in a while, then it will make me pause for longer than I had planned and longer than I would have to if I worked the pausing into my plans.  There is a lot to think about as I try to plan out how to lead my life in a way that will benefit myself and my family as much as possible.

The second made me pause in my tracks. I had recently met the co-founder of an education technology company. There was an Amtrak accident yesterday in which several people died tragically when the train derailed not far north of the 30th Street station in Philadelphia.  I would not want anyone dead or injured on a commuter train--especially one that would then prevent me from making it to an appointment later in the week. But then I found out that one of the people who passed away was the CEO of the education technology company whose co-founder I had met.  Someone with a child.  Someone who was just commuting between Philadelphia and the New York City area for her job.  Someone who had left 30th Street Station with one simple expectation--to arrive home safely.  And because the train approached a curve at more than twice the recommended speed, the train derailed and a person lost her life at random.  But those who lost their lives are just that--people.  Someone's mother, wife, daughter, sister.  Someone else's son or bother.  Each person has a story.  It can be all too easy for me to hear the statistics but be almost immune to the enormity of what had occurred.  Until I found out how close to me this was.  And then, I had to pause.  And remember, once again in my life, to hug my kids a little tighter.  To cuddle with my wife.  To tell my friends how great they are.  And to tell my colleagues how much I appreciate them.  To pause to do each of these as often as possible.  

A few updates, a few observations, and a single purpose

I can't believe how long it has been since I last blogged.  And I'm only going to reflect on a small piece of what has happened in my life since my last blog.

First, I have been to two professional conferences.  Both were good.  Both demonstrated how much I have learned to take advantage of the opportunity to hang out with and learn from others while I still need time to myself to decompress.

Second, the city I live in and have learned to love had one night of riots and several days of protests with several thousand national guard and extra law enforcement in the city.  It was sobering.  It was disturbing.  I documented a run that showed just how odd some of the extra security appeared.  And most of all I really do not think that the extra enforcement was necessary for as long as it was around.  

Third, my youngest has had some great lacrosse games and auditioned for the School for the Arts after school program for grades 5-8 that would get him on a path toward stage design.

Fourth, my middle son had his first solo skating program and we celebrated that with a dinner out, although still under curfew.

Fifth, after the curfew dinner with a bottle of wine that we ate and drank between 8:15 and 9:45 PM, I was up and running by 6 the next morning.  I said my stomach was not 100%.  My training partner said she was tired.  So we ran 15 miles at an average 7:42 pace.  So much for not being 100%.

Sixth, I have continued to work on how to do the parts of my job that required me to have an externally facing presence better.

Seventh, I have been reading a book that calls on me to look beyond my goals in the workplace and to even look past career goals but to really search for my purpose in life.  My best statement so far is: "my purpose in life is to provide a lens through which others can view my synthesis of the gifts I have been given so that they to experience enrichment".  

Eighth, and finally, I have gotten myself seriously back into the swing of training.  The question now is training for what, if anything.  On Thursday, I had my first run with one of my training partners since she surprised herself with a slightly faster than anticipated time at the Kentucky Derby Festival marathon.  She was wearing orange compression socks, black shirt and shorts, and a headband with small elephants of multiple colors.  Except for the headband, she looked ready for an Orioles run.  In any case, with my head stuffed from a week and some of allergies and high altitude in Denver for the conference, I felt like an elephant waddling along as we began.  But we picked it up and ended with 7 miles in less than 59 minutes.  Proving that despite the initial feeling I was ready to run.  And despite her concerns with not having run more than 3 since the marathon, 11 days later she was ready to go.  Then, this morning, I may have felt a bit like an elephant after my 1600 meter time trial--again just lumbering along to get home.  But the time trial itself went great with my best mile in a long time at 5:49.  Still have to get faster if I'm going to run a 5K at my goal pace, but I do think that I can come back down under 20 in the near future.

So, this set of small points shows some of what I have done in the past two weeks and some.  Not really all that exciting.  But definitely signs of never a dull moment in my life and in my city.  

A Racing Meaning Poem

Being in the Presence of the Best

There can be something

That is the best

About every race—

Even if it is not

The time.

Of course,

Usually when runners

Speak of, “the best,”

They mean time.

But if a runner

Runs enough races,

It is impossible

To always

Run faster.

And even with a race

That is planned for months

With meticulously scheduled

Workouts,

Sometimes things don’t work. 

For some races,

I can see it weeks in advance.

Weather was bad.

Workouts were missed.

Injuries.
Life gets in the way.

For other races,

It is clear that morning.

Bad night’s rest.

Something eaten didn’t sit right.

Too hot.

And sometimes it is during the race

That it becomes clear

That it will not be the fastest.

But it doesn’t mean

That there can’t be something

That is the best.

And if I pick out

What I think

Might be best

In advance,

And think about

Being in the presence of the best,

Then the race can still be one

To remember.

Scenery.

Most constant pace—

Even if not the fastest.

Meeting other runners.

Helping someone

Who would otherwise

Be behind me,

By encouraging them

As they run

Alongside me—

Or ahead of me.

Or maybe smiling more.

Or maybe just

Taking the time

To take in the sights

And sounds

And smells

Of the race.

Doing this will ensure

That the race will be

More than just

A few random bytes

With a name, date, and time

In my electronic device.

It will be a story

I can someday share
With my children’s children.

Running's Meaning Now and How it Reflects on Life

Seeing friends who are running Boston tomorrow posting about what it took to get there but feeling that they wont' do as well tomorrow as they did when they qualified, makes me think of the running lessons I've learned in the past week and how they fit into life in general.

Past eight days of running:

Saturday April 11--fantastic intervals on the roads with four easy halves surrounding three hard miles that averaged 6:20 (alone)

Sunday April 12--A progression for the ages averaging 7:15 over 8 miles on the roads (alone)

Monday--off

Tuesday April 14 --tempo with my long time friend and running partner, Lauren, averaging 8:06 over 7 miles downtown

Wednesday--easy 3.1 alone

Thursday--easy 2.1 alone

Friday--easy 5 along

Saturday--10 at 8:02 on relatively flat trail with even longer-time running partner and friend, Joselyn

Today--warm up just short of a mile followed by a 5K in 20:05

A year ago I would have been annoyed not to break 20.  A year ago I trained for three things: breaking 19 in a 5K (which I only ever did on a treadmill), going sub-2:30 in a 20 mile race on Labor Day weekend (which I did by only seconds), and going sub-3:10 in a marathon (which I did by 11 seconds).  The big picture was important but in each season (spring, summer, and fall) the big picture all led to a single day.

With no overarching goals for the year, I don't have a goal that every run is leading up to.  So, I am more truly looking at the bigger picture.  Having two great workouts last weekend--wonderful!  Tight muscles the rest of Sunday and Monday--of course.  Fun 7 miler with a friend who is preparing for a marathon--great to be able to provide support.  Three easy days--just what I needed.  Crazy to run a 10 miler (even at a pace a minute per mile slower than my best) the day before a 5K, probably.  But I enjoyed the run with my friend and got to share something I'd baked.  The fact that the 20:05 was a little slower than hoped for?  Not a problem.  The course included grass and multiple hills.  I got to see family.  I got to see an old colleague.  And I still placed in a way that got me an award.  So, the one race didn't yield exactly the time I would've liked (sub-20) but the sum total of my running for the last eight days can't be beat.

And the sum total of my life this weekend was just amazing.  Baking on Saturday morning before the run on Saturday.  The run.  Taking my 15 year old to the zoo for volunteering.  A stop at Dunkin Donuts.  A stop at Whole Foods.  Coming home, cleaning up, and cooking the bacon from Whole Foods as well as chopping the tomato and onion I'd bought.  Going to my son's lacrosse game.  Coming home and making lunch sandwiches of bagels, salmon, bacon, tomato, onion, and cream cheese.  Going to the JHU lacrosse game.  Picking up the son at the zoo.  Coming home and having a dinner that included steak, some of the cornbread I'd baked, and a tomato salad with balsamic vinegar.  Then going to see an inter-art production at the Baltimore School for the Arts.  Home.  Sleep.  Going to the 5K.  Coming home and taking the youngest to ice hockey try outs or the fall.  Coming home and showering.  Fixing lunch and taking my middle one to boy choir.  Groceries and a compliment for my tattoo.  A quick catnap.  Then on to the boy choir concert.  One of the best ever.  Joshua had a great solo in Ride the Chariot.   The whole concert choir did a wonderful job in Give Me Jesus--not used to hearing it in boy choir (hear it in church) but loved the arrangement.  Reminder that if I base everyone on what I believe (love of others is a guiding principle) then the rest will fall into place.  Then two more.  Three great handbell songs.  Really enjoyed Fantasy on Hyfrydol.  The young men's choir (which my son does not sing in) did four wonderful songs and I got chills up my spine as they sang "Do You Hear the People Sing?" from Les Mis.  What a great song for older boys--singing about looking forward to freedom.  The closing songs from the combined choirs were cool.  I'm hoping that one day they bring back "Never Failed Me Yet."

Then, dropped off son at youth group at church. Came home to pizza that had been completed by my 10 year old.  I started the dough.  He did everything else including making an Old Bay crust.

What a fantastic weekend of time with kids, time watching kids, time with Sherry, time baking, time making meals, and time running.  The key is always to look at the whole and to appreciate the amazing whole that I have.  

Still Raw

When the nearly inevitable guilty verdict in the Boston Marathon bombing case came down last week, I posted on Facebook that I thought I had finally achieved a greater sense of closure.

Then, this morning when I was listening to the news on NPR at 6:20 AM, I heard a familiar voice who is both a colleague and an NPR reader.  She led in with one year ago today before proceeding to discuss the anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing from two years ago.

I realized at the moment just how raw my feelings still were.

I shouted at the radio "What the F***?!?"  Regardless of who the reader was I could not believe that a trusted news source would incorrectly write the script indicating the wrong anniversary of the bombing.

Then, I wondered.  Could I have heard it wrong?  Could I have misperceived what was said?  After all, I hadn't been listening all that closely to the news.

Then I stopped and concentrated on driving rather than on the news or on my hurt feelings.  It was an easy couple of minutes to the grocery store and I calmed down.

But I had one clear realization.  My 26 healing essays of two years ago.  The many miles I had put in immediately after the Boston Marathon including a crazy number in the first week of the marathon.  The 2222.2 miles last year.  The best marathon I'd ever run.  And a winter and spring of running with three close friends, especially one getting ready for her own spring marathon, had not cleared my mind of the event.

It was a reminder of why, in addition to the unusual 10 AM starting time, I didn't need or even really want to go back to the Boston Marathon again.  Despite many great friends who run it multiple years in a row,  Despite the excitement.  I don't need that stress.

I should probably not even listen to anything having to do with sentencing.

At this point, I just need to move past.

But no matter how close to forever moving past I thought I was--this morning I quickly realized I wasn't.

How odd.  And how unexpected.